American Dating Society
Meeting Up With Your Ex Boyfriend After The Breakup
When a relationship ends, there is going to be a period where feelings are strong, and emotions rise in a shrouding cloud that seems to block off any warm sunlight or silver lining.
Even the tender sentiments and warm advice from our dearest friends and relatives are often ineffective against the gloom that you’ll likely be feeling.
Often those close to you will caringly suggest that you accept the change and simply move on.
This contrasts with every fiber in your body urging you to react, send a text, make a ruckus or even plonk onto the couch, pop The Notebook into the DVD and take an evening of self-pity and rocky-road.
However, trying to push and get him back straight away in most cases is one of the worst things you can do. It is important to firstly let the dust settle and give yourself and him a chance to cool off and reflect.
This is because when under the shrouding cloud of negativity, panic, anger, depression or frustration, anything you do will more than likely be done out of impulse. When reacting from this place the consequences of your actions will only end in further tears.
See also: Learning To Get Over The Breakup
When the raging tides of feelings gradually subside as they always do, you will have a better perspective of the situation and whether or not the relationship should be given another shot.
This decision is crucial, it leads to the important follow-up question, “How do I convince my Ex to get back together with me?”
The fact is that there will be no way on earth for you to try to reason with or “convince” your ex that giving the relationship another chance is the way to go.
Begging and pleading will just make you look needy or desperate, and soon you will be saying good bye to him forever if you go down that route.
Instead, you need to learn how to communicate with the pleasure centers in his brain and push the buttons that stimulate his arousal and desire to be with you.
If you’re wanting to start things up again with him then know that it is possible if you do the right things at the right times. Rekindling a flame of passion is the work of an artist, however this art is actually quite simple to learn when you have the right information.
The first thing you will need to do is to find out if your ex still has strong feelings for you.
The good news is that there is actually a very simple way that you can find out what his feelings are for you by applying three simple tests created by nationally recognized dating and relationship expert, Mirabelle Summers.
Should you discover that he does in fact secretly want you back, Mirabelle’s three step process shows you how fuel his interest to get him chasing you again.
Once you have taken Mirabelle’s test and discovered his true feelings, it will also do you well to use the following tips below when meeting up with your ex-boyfriend for the first time.
Tip 1. Respect the Break-Up
The single most foolish thing you could do is to pretend the breakup never happened. Instead, you need to both acknowledge and accept what has happened, take responsibility for your part in it and move forward from there.
Taking time out by yourself for a while before meeting up with your ex is a crucial part of the healing process and will help you to find some of the critical answers to any questions you may have about getting back together with him.
This is one of the reasons why the no contact rule is so important in the early stages of a break-up.
Peering deep into the looking glass and searching for the elements of yourself that will have to be ritually sacrificed if the relationship is to continue is vital to the rekindling of your relationship.
Learning about the aspects of yourself which may need to change in order to get back together with him and straightening them out once and for all will be a big leap forward. If you do not resolve these issues now and you do get back together with him, then they will likely be back to hamper your relationship again further down the line.
If this can not be done, it may be important to ask if the relationship can be salvaged at all. If you do see the solution within yourself, the next big step is to find the most expedient way to convey your insight to your ex –without coming across insightful or presumptuous. Having a meaningful heart-to-heart with him, without expectations will go a long way.
More importantly, your revelations must be applied to your life and actions rather than just spoken words –this is what is meant by being the answer, rather than searching for it.
Tip 2: Focus On You
This will lead you to an essential part of obtaining and maintaining a relationship, and that is realizing that if you initiate a change it will be done best by interfacing with yourself –change yourself change the world and all — not just wise words, peeps, its life.
The reason this works like a charm is that it is the ultimate proactive approach, being reactive puts you at the mercy of your environment –and isn’t that what caused the breakup in the first place? If you think about it?
Another, very good reason to focus on yourself is that this type of self-control –essentially self-worth at it’s best– is irresistibly attractive and shows an intrinsic value anyone would want in a relationship –but it requires Focus.
As a practice, this would include such self-building activities as taking up a new hobby or sport or instrument.
Spend more time hanging with friends and meet new people –for NO other purpose than being all you can be. Time alone can breed negativity, which you don’t need now if you want to get him back.
Tip 3: Approaching Your Ex Boyfriend
When you do re-approach your ex, it must be done new and fresh. It is important that you convey the message to your ex that if there ever may be a chance that the relationship is rekindled, it will not be the same relationship.
This is because you have taken the time to reflect on the relationship, your connection and what it means to you. You have grown as a person and are able to see a way forward without the conflicts, disagreements or incompatabilities that existed before.
The possibility of rekindling the relationship from this point will be more tangible in the air around you both and will likely be perceived on some level by your ex if he is open to re-connecting with you.
However, discovering if he is open to giving things a second chance in the first place is crucial if you want to avoid looking desperate or needy. It will also give you the confidence to speak with him in a more honest and open way.
If you want to know if he may be open to re-connecting with you in a romantic way, take Mirabelle Summers’ test to find out.
Tip 4: Look Fantastic
Guys are very visual so do your best to look your best. However, the secret here is to do it in a way that looks like you’re not trying so don’t go crazy with the makeup and perfume. Instead, have a good nights sleep, get a facial and wear something that you know he likes.
Treating yourself to a spa day before you meet up with him can also work wonders to relax you and put you in the right frame of mind.
A nice relaxing massage can not only make you feel more relaxed physically, but it can also help you to stay grounded and come across with more composure.
Taking time out to reflect on your relationship, the good points and the bad, why it ended and what you could have done differently is a great place to start. This will give you both some space to cool off and help you to learn what is truly important to you in a relationship.
Putting some time into yourself to relax with friends can help take your mind of things. However, when you’re ready to get back into the groove, take the time to make yourself look good, get good sleep, go to the gym, eat healthy foods and shed a few pounds if you need to before meeting up with him. Guys are highly visual so doing these things can certainly go a long way.
Before meeting up with him, put yourself back in control and find out if he still has feelings for you by taking Mirabelle Summers’ three simple tests.