If you’ve recently met a guy that you like and you want to get into a texting convo with him, but you don’t want to come across as needy or desperate, then this article is for you.
Texting is a great way to connect with someone you have the hots for and to find out a bit about them. The early stages of getting to know someone are always so much fun! Receiving those early texts from them when you’re waiting by your phone with anticipation of the ‘ding’ or cute little melody your phone plays when you receive a message can make your heart skip a beat.
However, if he’s not texted you yet and you’re thinking of making the first move, those first few text messages you send him are actually a very important piece of how he will view you going forward in any kind of relationship that the two of you may have, or not.
That being said, if you are head over heels for a guy you’ve just met, and you want to start a texting convo with him, here are some top tips to help you get things started the right way.
Tips for Texting Your New Crush
Before I proceed with the tips, it is important to understand that sending a message to your crush first does not necessarily depict desperation. However, ‘how’ you do it is critically important in determining if he will perceive you as confident or desperate.
Do not text him too soon after your last encounter with him
If you have had an opportunity of meeting your crush for the first time, the first texting mistake you want to avoid is sending him a text too soon. I understand that the urge to follow-up after your first encounter may be high, but there’s no need to text, for example, the first night wishing him a good night. So, it is advisable to wait at least 24 hours before sending your him that first message if he has not messaged you yet.
Wait for him to respond
After you break the ice by sending that first text to your crush, it is important that you give him time to respond before you send him another text.
I know it can be really tempting to send a second message when no response has been received, but waiting for a reply from gives him time to digest and absorb your message and will also make you come across as confident in yourself that you don’t need a response from him right away.
Double texting can be a big turn off. This is because the unspoken message of double texting is, “hey, I like you a lot but I’m really insecure and need reassurance from you right now that you like me too.” This is definitely not an attractive message to convey to any guy.
However, that being said, if after a week or two you still haven’t heard from him, it’s okay to send a follow-up message to see if everything is okay with him.
See also: Getting your ex back with text messages
Do not confront him for not responding
Confronting your crush for not responding to your messages is a no-no, and is just as bad as sending back to back messages. In other words, pestering your crush with double texting and asking him whether he saw your message, and why he did not respond makes you seem like the only thing you have to do is sit on the sofa waiting for him to read and respond to your messages. If you’re doing this then STOP IT NOW, as it definitely comes across as needy.
See also: Ways to text him to get him to want you
Do not sext
Sexting your crush before you know how he feels about you is also not a good idea. So, before you send a sext, it is important that you first test the waters to find out if your crush is at all interested in going in that direction with you.
So, do not send your crush nude pics so that you can please him or make him desire you because that will make him perceive you as a desperate woman who is willing to do anything for his approval and affection. In this case, one of two things will happen;
- He’ll lose all respect for you and just use you for one thing then dump you when he’s finished
- He’ll lose all respect for you and not be interested in pursuing things with you
Related article: Best ways to flirt with him over text
Do not overthink
When you send a text to your crush and he fails to respond, the best thing you can do is to just forget about it without worrying about why he didn’t text you back yet.
Overanalyzing can make you paranoid and could lead you to overeacting and pestering him about the double text. This kind of behavior is certainly unacceptable and it will definitely make you come across as needy or clingy.
The best you can do is to just wait for him to respond when he feels the urge to do so, and if he doesn’t, take it that he is not ready to engage with you for whatever reason and move on.
First impressions really count, and how you behave in the process of sending that first text to your crush will certainly determine if he will be attracted to you, or if he will pull away. That being said, I hope that this article will help you make good decisions when texting your crush for the first time.
Susan Thiong’o has been working in the field of counseling psychology for over 10 years. Her diverse educational background and work experience in Psychology and Counseling has given her a broad base from which to approach many topics such as parenting, relationships, and mental health.
In her years as a counseling psychologist, she has written various articles in the areas of marriage and relationship issues, mental health issues, addictions, stress, personal growth and developmental issues, parenting, adolescent issues, HIV/AIDS among other topics.