We all go through it from time to time, our partner acts a little distant, is more short than usual and maybe even totally off-hand. While there can be numerous reasons why he’s acting this way, it is also totally natural to think straight away that it has something to do with us or that you’ve done something wrong.
While his behaviour could, indeed be to do with you, it also may not be the case.
So, if you’re feeling a little unsure, wondering if your relationship still has hope or not, continue to read below to try to understand if the relationship is over or if there’s a chance that maybe the guy in your life just needs some space.
4 Ways To Tell If It’s Over or If He Just Needs Space
He has told you
If your guy has clearly told you that he needs space, then you have your answer. A big difference between men and women is that men are much more literal than women are, especially when it comes to their emotions.
When a woman says she wants space, she usually doesn’t mean that and actually means that she wants the guy to chase her. But, when a man says he needs space, he means it and he’s serious about it.
If your guy has told you he needs space, it is extremely important for you to respect and honor that request. If there is hope of the relationship being fixed, the most important thing you can do is show that you are taking his request seriously. If you do not, you may push him away even further.
He has become more distant
Have you noticed that your guy is not calling or texting as much? Has he started to slow down with his responses to you too? What about making plans? Has he started to become busier in recent history and less available?
While all of these possibilities could be circumstantial, they could also be signs that he is pulling away and trying to gain some space from the relationship. It does not necessarily mean that it has to do with you – he could have some of his own things going on that he is trying to manage, or he may be getting afraid of having strong feelings, or he may be pulling away because the relationship is ending.
There are a number of reasons that could cause this behavior. What’s important is to note the change in a non-aggressive way and tell him you notice some distance and are wondering if he is okay. Ask him if it has to do with you or not. If it does, try to give him some space and if you feel it is worth waiting for, be patient.
Regardless of his reasons, remember that if you give him a hard time, you can push him away whether it has to do with you or not. What he needs are some support and understanding.
With that said, it is not at all recommended for you to wait around for someone who potentially does not see your value and worth. While it is fair to be understanding of his needs and respectful of his space, you must also protect yourself and set your own boundaries and expectations.
Do not allow someone else to treat you like an option if that is the case.
Related article: 6 reasons guy’s pull away before they commit
He’s making plans without you
If he usually includes you or at least consults with you before making plans and now that has changed, there is a good chance he is pulling away.
The key piece here is if there is a change. He is an independent person who is allowed to make his own decisions and plans without you, but if he has historically included and considered you and now he is not, it is likely a sign that he is purposely trying to do things without you for whatever his reasons may be.
However, it could also be that he is making plans with friends to maintain his individuality, which is fair and healthy.
See also: 4 powerful keys to get him back fast
He’s starting arguments with you for no reason
This may be a sign that he has a lot on his mind, he is experiencing conflicting feelings, he is becoming frustrated with you, and/or he is purposely (consciously or not) picking fights with you to create some space.
If this starts happening in your relationship it is likely that he is looking for, and creating space. Aside from attempting to talk about what’s happening, it is important to try to recognize that he needs space and to give it to him.
You will be able to have more productive conversations when you are both calm and have had time for yourself.
See also: When he’s not responding to your texts
Your individual situation has many factors that only you and your guy know the details of.
The signs above are examples of ways that he may be pulling away from you in an effort to gain distance and space. This does not necessarily mean that the relationship is over, but it does mean that he either has something separate from you that he needs to work through, or that there is something he is seeking space from within your relationship.
Open communication is the most important first step you can take. Ask him what is going on, how he feels, how you can help him if his reason is something separate from you, or what you can do to improve the situation if it involves you.
If he expresses that it does have to do with you, hear him out and try to understand his reasons. If you feel that you want it to work, it is extremely important to honor that space he is requesting, with your own guidelines included in that as well.
If he has made it clear that he needs space, and you decide to give him that space, but after some time (at least 3 weeks) there doesn’t seem to be much progress toward you working things out, do not do yourself the disservice of waiting around for him.
You need to take time to heal, learn from this experience, and work on moving on. You should never wait around for anyone or be at someone’s disposal for an extended period of time.
Know your self-worth, work on yourself, surround yourself with people who love and value you, and move on.
Suzanne is a certified counselor with 6 years of experience working with individuals of diverse backgrounds and age groups. In addition to working full time as a School Counselor servicing students ages K-12, Suzanne began a side business in 2014 geared toward providing relationship and individual counseling services for adult clientele. She has worked with an extensive range of individuals helping them gain insight, foster changes, and continue to grow. She has acquired a wealth of information about relationships through her professional and personal endeavors and finds great value in sharing what she has learned.