It is not uncommon to have a relationship seemingly come to a halt after things have been going so great. Of course, this can leave you feeling helpless that your man has started to pull away.
The good news is that it doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is over.
In fact, this behavior is more common than you might think, and it is due to a number of possible reasons.
Most commonly, men just get scared of commitment.
Traditionally as a society, we train our men so that they steer away from deeper emotions. However, in reality, he feels his emotions to the same degree that women feel theirs; men are just less expressive about them.
Therefore, when a relationship becomes serious there is the potential for him to become afraid of the emotions he is now facing. It then becomes natural for him to try to gain back some control – by pulling away.
The Do’s & Don’ts of How to Handle a Man When He Pulls Away
So, what should you do about it?
The last thing you want to do is leave him to his own devices to make up his mind about you. Leave him too long and you may find that he has been snagged by another woman.
On the other hand, you don’t want to come across like you’re nagging him, or worse yet, like you’re desperate and needy for his attention.
When a man feels he needs to pull away, it’s because there’s usually one or more hidden need that he has deep down inside, and he is not sure if you will be able to fulfil.
So he pulls away to reflect on you, what he knows about you so far, and all the interactions that he’s had with you up until now.
While each guy is different from the next, there is one need above all else that all men deeply crave. It’s something he craves, and is obsessed with more than money, true love or passionate sex, however, most women do not even know it exists.
Society has trained us to always ask what the woman wants in a relationship. What are her needs. However, men have deep yearnings too, which often go overlooked, manly because most men just don’t talk about their feelings.
But they’re still there just below the surface…
Guy psychology shows that this little-known yearning is the key to unlocking his heart, his love, and his undivided attention and devotion.
In this article I will share with you the important do’s and don’ts of what to do when a guy is playing the push/pull game with you. These tips will help you navigate these choppy waters.
However, if you want to get to the heart of the matter then there’s just one switch you need to flip.
And when you do, he’ll start treating you with respect, showering you with his attention, and wanting to be with you (and only you).
Renowned relationship expert James Bauer explains this one secret yearning that all men have, and how to flip the switch in his heart here.
DON’T Take The Situation Personally
You first have to understand that you should not take this situation personally especially if your relationship has been positive, healthy, and happy. It is normal for men to experience fear and hesitation leading to their self-created distance.
The best thing you can do for yourself and for your relationship is to remind yourself that this is a reflection of him and processing his emotions and that it is not a reflection of you, despite the fact that it feels that way.
See also: Top 6 reasons why he pulls away before he commits
DO Be Supportive
f he is pulling away due to work commitments, or other issues that are going on in his life, then do be supportive. However, you also need to let him know that you cannot wait around for him forever.
The best thing you can do is to play it cool while also expressing your perspective, AND your expectations.
Let him know you care about him and that you want to be with him, and that you support and respect his time and space. If space is what he is asking for, give it to him. But, also express your expectations and boundaries.
If you choose to wait around for him, know that you may end up wasting a lot of time. It is better to tell him you will give him space for a period of time (determine what you’re comfortable with – a week? A month? A year?), but also communicate your own needs and expectations and make it clear that you will not wait around or allow him to come back only when it is convenient for him.
Unfortunately, you cannot control the outcome of this situation, but you can control your response to it and your response (cool and supportive, but clear and decisive) will help in leading you toward the outcome you desire.
DO Maximize Your Time
Once you’ve established how to manage the situation, it is time to focus on yourself and maximizing the time you have.
Although the assumption is that you are experiencing feelings of sadness, worry, doubt, and maybe even anger, this is an opportunity for you to focus on yourself, manage your time in a way that’s convenient for you only, and to reflect to see if this is actually what you want.
DON’T Sit Around and Wait For Him
Spend your time with people and things that make you happy. Haven’t seen a friend in a while? Call her up and make plans! Been wanting to try a cooking class or photography lessons? Now is the time. Thinking about a new fitness routine? Try it out.
The more you spend your time on people and things who add value to your life, the better off you will be, and in turn, the more appealing you become.
When you are surrounded by positive people, you naturally view life and events more positively, which helps to manage the emotions of your situation, while also helping you feel better. When you spend time doing things that make you feel good, you will exude that energy in all that you do.
See also: How to pull away from a guy if you still love him
DON’T Suppress Your Emotions
Be sure to allow yourself to feel and release any negative emotions. While it is healthy and productive to spend time with positive people and to spend time engaging in enriching experiences, it is also equally important to allow yourself to process the various emotions you are experiencing.
There is strong evidence that yoga and meditation are powerful tools to help improve your state of mind and well-being during emotionally trying times.
Try something that works for you so that you don’t end up making yourself so busy that you disregard the self-care that is necessary. Set aside some time each day to process your emotions.
DON’T Reach Out To Him Often
Make him miss you. A comfortable guideline is to only respond to him when he says something of importance to you. This is crucial because if you continue to treat him the same way you were before he decided he wants space then there will be no reason for him to work toward establishing the same level of a relationship with you again.
If he can have you and his space, why would he change that?
You must distance yourself and make him miss having you there. Do not accept invitations to do things with him that you would have done previously. Do not send him goodnight or “miss you” texts. Make him feel the absence from your life.
What and When To Text Him
So, with that said, when should you text him, and what should you say?
One of the biggest rules here is not to come across desperate, needy, or like you’re just sitting around waiting for him. You also don’t want to come across like you’re mad at him either.
Keep your texts short and sweet, and indirectly convey the message that you’re busy doing fun things and you don’t have too much time to talk right now. However, you must not say this directly. It needs to be indirectly conveyed in your message, just like relationship expert James Bauer explains here.
James actually teaches women exactly how to trigger a psychological response in a guy to respond and call you with a simple text.
If you want to discover the one little text message that is guaranteed to get your man’s absolute attention then all you need to do is make this one small tweak. Once you do this you will quickly notice just how regularly he starts messaging you to find out how you are.
DO Let Him Know You’re Reacting Positively
Indirectly, of course. You want him to know you’re not sitting on your couch crying over him.
Post pictures to social media of you having fun with our friends (but be cautious not to overdo this). Hopefully, he is also connected with your friends on social media so they can also post and tag you in fun and exciting pics too.
If he does not have access to you like he once did, combine with seeing that you’re out and about, it will drive him crazy and make him miss you in his life.
When He Comes Back
First and foremost you must ask yourself if this is what you want and if you’re okay with resuming this relationship. If the answer to that is yes, it is important to communicate that while you support his decision for space, this is a one-time deal. He must be sure this time around that this is what he wants and you must be sure that this is what you want.
If the answer for both of you is yes then it is important for you to accept him back openly.
Remember that you agreed to this situation, therefore it would not be fair for you to hold it over his head moving forward. Be clear, communicate maturely and effectively, and move forward positively.
Navigating the waters when a guy is pulling away from you and then coming back can be tricky. While a lot of guys just need time before they fully commit, this behaviour usually comes from an uncertainty he has. He is not sure if you will be able to quench the thirst he has in his heart for his deepest craving and desire.
However, once you fulfil this hidden need, he will never want to let you go.
Relationship expert James Bauer explains exactly how you can fulfil this need and win his love, devotion, and his undivided attention in this short video here.