Breakup Archives | American Dating Society

Are You Pushing Your Man Away? – 3 Huge Mistakes Women Make

June 22, 2021May 29, 2019

So you met a guy and everything seemed to be going well between you. Or, at least that’s what you thought.

Then, as quickly as it had started it was all over and he was gone from your life.

We all know that when it comes to love and relationships, men and women think very differently. Anything from how to behave on the first date to when to sleep together, the perspectives are usually very different.

However, when a guy starts to pull away from a woman it’s usually for a very specific reason.

In this article, I am going to tell you about three BIG Mistakes that women are making that cause their man to pull away.

If you’re in a hurry and you just want to skip straight to the solution then watch this short demonstration video by relationship coach, Amy North. In this video, Amy shows you how to trigger a state of desire in a man’s mind more powerful than love.

While no two guys are exactly alike, they all have the same internal processes that cause them to feel states of connection, fascination, desire, lust and even love.

Once you know how to trigger these states of mind in your man at will, he will never want to leave you.

Now, without further ado, here are three BIG mistakes women make that push guy away.

3 Mistakes Women Make That Cause a Guy To Pull Away

Being Clingy

A clingy woman is one thing that I almost guaranteed to make a guy run for the hills.

Of course, it’s a good thing to show your affection to your man and let him know he’s on your mind. However, too much or too often too soon will make him feel smothered.

Eventually, he will want to regain his independence and that’s when he will start pulling away.

Don’t let him know that you have fallen for him too quickly. At the start of a relationship, men are always looking for fun and basically, just wanting to enjoy your company.

If you let him know that you’re already planning for the future, you will scare him away.

Whatever you do, remain cool, calm and collected.

If he senses that you want more from him than what he is willing to offer, he will eventually start pulling away from you.

Being Insecure

Research has shown that a staggering 97% of women are unhappy with her body at least once every day. However, you shouldn’t show your insecurities to your man if you are in a new relationship.

Yes, you can relax and talk about your gym routine or your healthy eating habits with him. Just keep the insecurities under wraps until the two of you are really close. However, even then, you do not want them to come into your relationship too much or it will likely put him off.

If you are constantly asking him if you look fat or nagging whenever he talks to an attractive woman, then you’re running the risk of ruining your own relationship. Once your insecurities come out in the open, there is no turning back.

Don’t push him away with your self-doubts. Rather, you should show him how happy and in love with life you and he will soon become more drawn to you.

Here’s a good trick to get started. Pretend that every date you go with your man is actually your first one. On your first date, you would never let him see the bad things about you. You need to be confident about yourself and he will sense it too.

Related article: More reasons why men pull away

Showing Him You’re Unhappy Without Him

Yes, you might be happy when your man is around but after a while, he will also be able to sense the negativity if you go flat when he is not in the room.

If he finds out that he is the sole reason you are happy, he will eventually start pulling away.

This is because he will feel pressured to make you happy, which is not attractive to any guy.

It’s actually a huge responsibility for anyone, so don’t put that on him.

Rather than making him your sole source of happiness, you need to make the most out of your life.

Start by doing the things you love. If you are making yourself happy, you will not depend on him to remain content. Actually, it’s a good way to improve your relationship. Guys are attracted to women who have a passion outside of their relationship.

It can be playing the piano, singing, cycling or rock climbing. It doesn’t matter. If you have something else in your life besides him that makes your heart sing then he will love you all the more for it.

If you’ve read this far then you probably need as much insight as possible into what causes guys to pull away. I highly recommend you watch this short video by relationship coach, Amy North.

Here she tells you what causes guys to pull away from you and exactly what you need to do to spark a state of desire in him that will make him want to stick to you like glue. You can watch the video here.

How To Act When He Pulls Away and Comes Back

December 2, 2021September 16, 2018

It is not uncommon to have a relationship seemingly come to a halt after things have been going so great. Of course, this can leave you feeling helpless that your man has started to pull away.

The good news is that it doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is over.

In fact, this behavior is more common than you might think, and it is due to a number of possible reasons.

Most commonly, men just get scared of commitment.

Traditionally as a society, we train our men so that they steer away from deeper emotions. However, in reality, he feels his emotions to the same degree that women feel theirs; men are just less expressive about them.

Therefore, when a relationship becomes serious there is the potential for him to become afraid of the emotions he is now facing. It then becomes natural for him to try to gain back some control – by pulling away.

When He Pulls Away – How To Handle Him

So, what should you do about it?

The last thing you want to do is leave him to his own devices to make up his mind about you. Leave him too long and you may find that he has been snagged by another woman.

On the other hand, you don’t want to come across like you’re nagging him, or worse yet, like you’re desperate and needy for his attention.

When a man feels the need to pull away, it’s usually because there’s one or more hidden need that he has deep down inside, and he is not sure if you will be able to fulfil them.

So he pulls away to reflect on you and the relationship, and all the interactions that he’s had with you so far.

While each guy is different from the next, there is one need above all else that all men deeply crave. It’s something he craves, and is obsessed with more than money, true love or passionate sex, however, most women do not even know it exists.

Society has trained us to always ask what the woman wants in a relationship. What are her needs.

However, men have deep yearnings too, which often go overlooked, manly because most men just don’t talk about their feelings.

But they’re still there just below the surface…

Guy psychology shows that this little-known yearning is the key to unlocking his heart, his love, and his undivided attention and devotion.

In this article I will share with you the important do’s and don’ts of what to do when a guy is playing the push/pull game with you. These tips will help you navigate these choppy waters.

However, if you want to get to the heart of the matter then there’s just one switch you need to flip.

And when you do, he’ll start treating you with respect, showering you with his attention, and wanting to be with you, and only you.

Renowned relationship expert James Bauer explains this one secret yearning that all men have, and how to flip the switch in his heart here.

DON’T Take The Situation Personally

You first have to understand that you should not take this situation personally especially if your relationship has been positive, healthy, and happy. It is normal for men to experience fear and hesitation leading to their self-created distance.

The best thing you can do for yourself and for your relationship is to remind yourself that this is a reflection of him and processing his emotions and that it is not a reflection of you, despite the fact that it feels that way.

DO Be Supportive

f he is pulling away due to work commitments, or other issues that are going on in his life, then do be supportive. However, you also need to let him know that you cannot wait around for him forever.

The best thing you can do is to play it cool while also expressing your perspective, AND your expectations.

Let him know you care about him and that you want to be with him, and that you support and respect his time and space. If space is what he is asking for, give it to him. But, also express your expectations and boundaries.

If you choose to wait around for him, know that you may end up wasting a lot of time. It is better to tell him you will give him space for a period of time (determine what you’re comfortable with – a week? A month? A year?), but also communicate your own needs and expectations and make it clear that you will not wait around or allow him to come back only when it is convenient for him.

Unfortunately, you cannot control the outcome of this situation, but you can control your response to it and your response (cool and supportive, but clear and decisive) will help in leading you toward the outcome you desire.

DO Maximize Your Time

Once you’ve established how to manage the situation, it is time to focus on yourself and maximizing the time you have.

Although the assumption is that you are experiencing feelings of sadness, worry, doubt, and maybe even anger, this is an opportunity for you to focus on yourself, manage your time in a way that’s convenient for you only, and to reflect to see if this is actually what you want.

DON’T Sit Around and Wait For Him

Spend your time with people and things that make you happy. Haven’t seen a friend in a while? Call her up and make plans! Been wanting to try a cooking class or photography lessons? Now is the time. Thinking about a new fitness routine? Try it out.

The more you spend your time on people and things who add value to your life, the better off you will be, and in turn, the more appealing you become.

When you are surrounded by positive people, you naturally view life and events more positively, which helps to manage the emotions of your situation, while also helping you feel better. When you spend time doing things that make you feel good, you will exude that energy in all that you do.

DON’T Suppress Your Emotions

Be sure to allow yourself to feel and release any negative emotions. While it is healthy and productive to spend time with positive people and to spend time engaging in enriching experiences, it is also equally important to allow yourself to process the various emotions you are experiencing.

There is strong evidence that yoga and meditation are powerful tools to help improve your state of mind and well-being during emotionally trying times.

Try something that works for you so that you don’t end up making yourself so busy that you disregard the self-care that is necessary. Set aside some time each day to process your emotions.

DON’T Reach Out To Him Often

Make him miss you. A comfortable guideline is to only respond to him when he says something of importance to you. This is crucial because if you continue to treat him the same way you were before he decided he wants space then there will be no reason for him to work toward establishing the same level of a relationship with you again.

If he can have you and his space, why would he change that?

You must distance yourself and make him miss having you there. Do not accept invitations to do things with him that you would have done previously. Do not send him goodnight or “miss you” texts. Make him feel the absence from your life.

What and When To Text Him

So, with that said, when should you text him, and what should you say?

One of the biggest rules here is not to come across desperate, needy, or like you’re just sitting around waiting for him. You also don’t want to come across like you’re mad at him either.

Keep your texts short and sweet, and indirectly convey the message that you’re busy doing fun things and you don’t have too much time to talk right now. However, you must not say this directly. It needs to be indirectly conveyed in your message, just like relationship expert James Bauer explains here.

James actually teaches women exactly how to trigger a psychological response in a guy to respond and call you with a simple text.

If you want to discover the one little text message that is guaranteed to get your man’s absolute attention then all you need to do is make this one small tweak. Once you do this you will quickly notice just how regularly he starts messaging you to find out how you are.

DO Let Him Know You’re Reacting Positively

Indirectly, of course. You want him to know you’re not sitting on your couch crying over him.

Post pictures to social media of you having fun with our friends (but be cautious not to overdo this). Hopefully, he is also connected with your friends on social media so they can also post and tag you in fun and exciting pics too.

If he does not have access to you like he once did, combine with seeing that you’re out and about, it will drive him crazy and make him miss you in his life.

When He Comes Back

First and foremost you must ask yourself if this is what you want and if you’re okay with resuming this relationship. If the answer to that is yes, it is important to communicate that while you support his decision for space, this is a one-time deal. He must be sure this time around that this is what he wants and you must be sure that this is what you want.

If the answer for both of you is yes then it is important for you to accept him back openly.

Remember that you agreed to this situation, therefore it would not be fair for you to hold it over his head moving forward. Be clear, communicate maturely and effectively, and move forward positively.

Final Thoughts

Navigating the waters when a guy is pulling away from you and then coming back can be tricky. While a lot of guys just need time before they fully commit, this behaviour usually comes from an uncertainty he has. He is not sure if you will be able to quench the thirst he has in his heart for his deepest craving and desire.

However, once you fulfil this hidden need, he will never want to let you go.

Relationship expert James Bauer explains exactly how you can fulfil this need and win his love, devotion, and his undivided attention in this short video here.

How To Get Your Boyfriend’s Trust Back If You Broke It

June 22, 2021September 2, 2018

Trust is at the core of every relationship and it either exists in a healthy, solidified way or it does not exist due to wrongdoings and past experiences.

Trust is a main point of contention for many people in relationships because when we allow ourselves to trust somebody, we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and give someone the opportunity to hurt us.

When our trust is broken, it is very difficult to restore. Many people carry trust issues from past relationships into current ones because they have a protective emotional wall up in an effort to defend themselves from being hurt again.

If you have made a choice that has compromised someone’s trust in you, it may be possible to redeem yourself depending on the circumstances. But understand that the process will likely be long and will require a significant amount of energy and effort in order to put things right so you can both move on from it.

Related article: The 4 steps to getting him back

Getting Your Ex Boyfriend To Trust You Again – What You Can Do

If you are trying to redeem your mistake and get your ex boyfriend to trust you again, you must first be willing to admit your mistake and that you were wrong.

Try to dig deep to understand why you did what you did and ask yourself the following questions:

Did you consider him?
Did you think about your actions before you made your choice?
Did you have intentions of hurting him?
Was your choice selfishly motivated?
Did you just do something impulsive without thinking it through?

The hope and assumption here is that you made an impulsive choice without considering how it may impact someone else. Think about what drove your choice and understand the motive behind the behavior.

Listen to and validate his concerns

When you break someone’s trust they are going to have various thoughts and emotions about it. Understand that he may repeat his concerns to you, or new ones may arise. He may seem distant toward you at times because of the thoughts in his mind.

Ask him to share his concerns and be genuine in your responses. Listen to his thoughts and validate that he is feeling this way because of your mistake.

Allow him to vent

Allow him the space to vent, but do not allow him to be condescending, belittle you, or beat you up emotionally (or physically for that matter) about it. Understand that he has a right to feel harmed and he will likely have many emotions and thoughts surrounding the situation.

Allow him to share his thoughts and be sure to listen to him and validate them.

Be willing to change your behavior

Whatever it is that you did, make sure that you do not repeat the same mistake. You may have made an impulsive choice that will likely not repeat itself due to circumstances. However, there is a chance that whatever it is that you did may happen again if you do not make some changes.

For example, if you were exchanging messages with a guy behind your boyfriend’s back that were inappropriate and compromised his trust in you, then you may have to: delete the number, remove the person from social media, be mindful of not being secretive with your phone, and possibly even allow your boyfriend to search your phone periodically to prove that you are not hiding anything (this last suggestion is tentative and I’d suggest proceeding with caution… but, some people are open to this).

See also: The truth about my men lie

Understand that this will take time

Trust is extremely difficult to restore once it is broken, compromised, or lost. Trust is arguably not even fixable, however, you can improve the situation. Be patient with the process and know that you are going to have to put great effort and time into riding out the process if you want your boyfriend to trust you again.

Try to help him move on

The goal is for you two to try to move on from this, so while you are actively following all of the steps above, try to manage your relationship so that it can move along normally.

Continue to talk about things other than the incident that leads you here, have fun together, make plans with each other, spend time with groups of friends, and try to keep things fun and light-hearted when you can.

If you can solidify other aspects of your relationship and make it feel good overall, it will help with mending the trust issues that currently exist.

Focus on yourself

Try to understand what caused you to make this decision and what purpose it may have selfishly been serving for you to disregard your boyfriend and his feelings during this time. Were you looking for attention? Were you trying to fill a void? Were you acting impulsively? What was going on for you during this time?

What can you do if you find yourself in a similar situation moving forward and how will you make a better choice the next time?

If you can continue to follow the guidelines above and commit to consistently implementing the strategies over a period of time, you will increase your chances of your boyfriend trusting you again. However, keep in mind that the trust may never go back to where it was depending on the severity of the situation and also your effort in trying to remedy the issue.

Be patient, be consistent, be understanding, and put in the effort it requires. If this relationship does not work out because of this, take what you have learned and apply it to a new relationship in the future.

How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back When You Broke Up With Him

June 22, 2021August 26, 2018

If you are finding yourself in a position of wanting to try to rekindle a relationship that has ended, I am here to help you.

Before we get into the details of the steps for you to take to accomplish your goal, it is important for you to first do some reflecting to see if this is truly what you want, or if your emotions are currently pointing you toward something that may not actually be what is in your best interest.

7 Things You Need To Do To Get Him Back If You Instigated The Breakup

Reflect

The first thing you should do is reflect on your relationship and why you broke up with him in the first place.

To start with your reflection, take three to five slow, deep breaths…

Think about the relationship that you are wanting to rekindle…

Ask yourself the following questions:

How long did the relationship last?
What were the daily interactions between you and your ex like?
Did you respect each other, trust each other, work together on issues, stay honest?
In essence, think about the quality of your relationship – was it strong?
Was it healthy?
Did it enhance your life?
Did it enhance your ex’s life?
For the most part, did you get along?
Were you involved with his friends and/or his family?
Was he involved with your friends and/or family?
Did you both view the relationship as a team effort, were you “we” together? Or conversely, did the relationship struggle for the most part?
Was there jealousy? Lack of trust? Daily arguing? Disrespect?
Was there a lack of involvement with significant people on his end? On your end? Was there cheating?

Close your eyes for a few minutes and ponder these questions.

Ask yourself one final question

Ask yourself one final question; Why did it end? If your reasoning points to explanations such as distance, too much bickering at the end, rampant emotions, incompatibility, or basically anything that does not circle back to blatant disrespect or cheating then continue reading below.

If your reasoning points to explanations such as blatant disrespect, control, any type of abuse, cheating, or any similar situation, you must understand that it is in your absolute best interest to walk away.

You are in control of your own life and you must know that YOU alone set the boundaries and expectations for how other people will treat you. Disrespect, control, extreme jealousy, abuse, and cheating are absolutely never tolerable and you must walk away if this is the situation you are in.

Reflect again and identify the cause

Hopefully, you are still here reading this because the reason for your break up is potentially fixable. Now, that we know that the reason does not fall under the category above of “blatant disrespect and the like” I ask you to reflect again. Think about the reasons you broke up with your ex.

If it is because you want him to change something and now you’re feeling like you made a mistake because you’re missing him, it is important to really sit on it and question if trying to get him back again is the right move.

If, however, you ended the relationship because a fight got heated, you haven’t been seeing eye-to-eye, or for some other reason, then try to identify the cause.

Be willing to understand, apologize, and make a change

If you reflect and realize that the reason you ended the relationship has to do with YOU or with issues that you both were experiencing together and not something blatantly disrespectful that he did or did not do, then you must prepare yourself for having to clean up some of the mess you created. When you meet up with him, be open to hearing what he has to say, understand the importance of listening and providing validation.

Be willing to listen

If he is in a position where he is open to speaking with you, it is important to ask him if he thinks there is any hope for the relationship to work out. If he responds in the negative, understand that you have to let it go. But, if he responds with any indication that it could maybe work, be open to his feedback about what he feels are aspects that need to change on your end.

Remember to listen openly and without the intention of responding; listen to truly hear and validate his concerns. Then, once you truly understand where he is coming from you have to again ask yourself if these requests are reasonable, fair and if you are capable of following through with making changes.

Utilize his Love Language

If you search for “The Five Love Languages” you will find information as well as a free, online quiz that you can take to understand your own love language first. But, you can also get an idea of what you think your ex boyfriend’s love language is as well. There are five primary “languages”: Physical Touch, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Giving/Receiving Gifts, and Acts of Service.

If you can understand what you think his love language is, you can begin to utilize that information. For example, if you think his love language is Words of Affirmation, you can slowly start reaching out and complimenting him (focus on his character like: “I realize how much of a quality person you are” or “You were always so thoughtful”) and expressing your gratitude for him (example: “Thank you for always being patient with me” or “I want you to know I always appreciated all of your efforts”).

Tailor your commentary and behavior accordingly toward whichever Love Language you think may be his. This may help him open up to the idea of you again.

Related article: Using text messages to get him back

Put in the work

It will take time for him to bounce back from this if his heart is hurting over the pain you may have caused. Do not allow him to turn you into his emotional slave, but do be understanding and open to the fact that you have to now build this relationship back up, together.

Validate his concerns, maintain open communication with him, and put in both the time and effort into the relationship in order to make it work better this time around.

How To Pull Away From A Guy You Love

June 22, 2021August 1, 2018

If you are finding yourself in a situation where you are in love or have strong feelings for another person, but you feel intuitively or logically that this is not the right person for you, you may need to pull away. However, pulling away is easier said than done and it can be a challenging, and often time-consuming process.

Despite the difficulty this situation presents, it is imperative to remember that you are in control of your own life and it is up to you to make the conscious choices to better your life, even if that means enduring the heartache that comes along with it.

If you feel that you are in need of some guidance to help you to pull away from a guy who you know is not good for you or who you know there is no future with, continue to read below for some suggestions on how to help in this process.

Steps To Take To Pull Away From a Guy You Love

Step back and take a look at the relationship

Take a look at your life and how this relationship is impacting you. Is it enhancing your life? Are you learning and growing for the better? Chances are that if you are reading this, your relationship is adding stress and turmoil into your life. This in and of itself is reason enough to consider leaving.

While any healthy relationship is bound to have its challenges, a relationship of CHOICE (romantic, friendship, etc) should still always be enhancing you and your life. If you are experiencing uncertainty, anxiety, feeling “less than”, or any related feeling on a typical basis, it is time to leave the relationship behind.

Identify your reasons for why you need to pull away

Take the time to ask yourself the following questions:

Are you acting like someone you are not?
Are you feeling like this is not the right relationship for you?
Do you feel that this relationship is unhealthy?
Do you feel like you’re just an option to this person?
Are there other circumstances in his life that are preventing you from being together?
Are there circumstances in your life that are preventing you from a future with this person?

Understand what your reason is as this will be extremely important to hold onto, especially during the moments of doubt.

Make the conscious choice to distance yourself

How you decide to do this is up to you and it is up to you and your style if it makes sense to distance yourself slowly or all at once. For some, cutting a person off completely at one time is the “easier” way to go – deleting from all social media, blocking numbers, etc. However, others may find success with slowly weaning someone off.

One specific way you can slowly wean someone off is to become conscious of the time you are putting into interacting with this person on a daily basis and minimize that time.

For example, say your average communication entails speaking on the phone 3 times a day for 20 minutes each call and then you spend approximately 30 cumulative minutes texting or checking social media.

Put a number to your time – on day one of your weaning process, start with limiting your phone calls to 2 a day at 15 minutes each, and then about 20 minutes cumulative in texting and social media (based on the example I just gave you).

On day two, decrease to 1 call at 15 minutes and 15 minutes of cumulative texting and social media. On day three, decrease to 1 call at 10 minutes, 10 minutes of texting.

Keep slowly adjusting and decreasing the time you are spending in communication until you are comfortable enough to cut it off. This will help to establish a specific goal and hold you accountable.

Get comfortable with the idea of being alone

Being alone is a scary concept, at first. But, it is absolutely essential to your growth and your overall well-being after a breakup. A common mistake that many people make in relationships is that they jump from one relationship or one person to the next, without allowing time and space between each relationship to heal and to truly be alone.

While potentially uncomfortable, this is an essential step in the process because it allows you the time to work on healing, while also removing the risk of carrying baggage into a new relationship. Would you want someone to do that to you? Likely not. It is important to come to terms with the idea of being alone, for a while.

Allow yourself to feel your emotions and to sit in each one as they come and go. If you feel upset, feel that way. If you feel angry, feel angry. If you feel anxious, worried, happy, totally fine.. feel however you feel and allow the emotions to come and go, but do not allow yourself to live in each one.

Related article: How to heal after a breakup

In any healing process, it is extremely important to allow yourself to process the emotions that you are experiencing and to feel each one instead of trying to push them away because of the discomfort they may bring. Despite the difficulty you are experiencing, this is a time of opportunity for growth.

Spend time with yourself as you process these feelings and utilize the practice of yoga and meditation to help you with this. As you turn within, you will continue to work toward healing and making yourself stronger.

Spend time on self-care. Make sure you are eating healthy, exercising regularly, drinking plenty of water, and getting enough sleep. I would also recommend practising yoga and meditation, spending time alone, connecting with friends, listening to music, going for walks, travelling, writing, reading a new book, seeking therapy if needed, being mindful while at work, and taking up a new hobby.

Make sure you create a healthy balance of alone time and mindfulness, but also keeping busy with healthy outlets to help you heal through this process.

Final Thoughts

Making the decision to pull away from a relationship is always difficult. Remember though that if a person is not adding value to your life, or if a relationship is making your life more complicated, you must consider if this person is worth the time and difficulty. Chances are, they are not. If you are in this situation, follow the steps above to help you work toward your healing process.

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back After a Long Distance Relationship

June 22, 2021July 16, 2018

Long-distance relationships are difficult. Every relationship requires trust, flexibility, and confidence in yourself and your partner, among many other elements.

Unfortunately, the distance between you makes navigating a relationship even more challenging.

All relationships are complex and while adding distance can be a beautiful thing as it forces each of you to foster your independence separate of each other, it also adds extra strain on all of the “normal” aspects of every relationship.

Communication is key for any relationship to be successful. However, it’s absolutely critical to a long-distance relationship.

If you’re in a position where your relationship has ended but you want to still try to make things work with your partner then maintaining communication without suffocating him is essential.

Fortunately, relationship coach, Amy North teaches women exactly what to do to recover from a breakup and get their man back by using simple, but cleverly crafted text messages designed to speak to his heart.

Amy’s methods have helped hundreds of women save their relationship and create a stronger and more loving connection than they had before. Amy explains exactly how her method works here.

Continue reading below to help determine your next steps toward improving your situation with your ex.

How To Get Him Back After a Long Distance Relationship Fell Apart

First, ask yourself a set of questions:

If you just ended a long-term relationship, now is the time if you haven’t already to ask yourself the following questions: Are you looking to get married eventually? Are you seeking to maintain a relationship without marriage? Are you looking for an open relationship? Are you looking for a fling? Do you need time for yourself? What are your goals? What are your boundaries? What are your expectations of the person you’re with? Can you see yourself with this person long term and do you want to? In a long-distance relationship, you have to add on – are you willing to move to where they are? Are they willing to move to where you are?

Think about the relationship that just ended. While I am sure emotions are running high, it is important for you to consider all of these aspects and how they pertain to your most recent relationship to see if it is feasible for you to try to fix it.

Once you have the answers to these questions, ask yourself the following:

What were the circumstances that lead to the break-up? Is it because of the distance itself? Is it trust? Is it because you’re fighting? Is it because you want different things? Is it because you both have grown separately? What is the cause?

Ask yourself a final question:

Once you have more clarity to the questions above, and once you have been able to identify the causes of where the relationship went wrong, the final question is: is this fixable?

Give yourself time to ponder over these questions

In the emotion of it all, it is hard to think clearly. It really is true that time heals all wounds and you need the time to gather your thoughts and emotions to decide what to do. If the relationship has real potential in terms of meeting your needs and long-term goals, the next question is: is your ex willing to talk it out?

If he is willing to work things out or at least talk about it

You both have to identify what went wrong and what the concrete (and again, realistic) steps are each of you can take to improve those aspects. Each of you should make a list of the elements of your relationship that were working well and the elements that need improvement. What caused it to end? Commitment? Trust? Separate lives? The distance itself?

Each of you must identify the areas that are important to you that need improvement and communicate those factors with each other.

Keep in mind that you may each have different perspectives of what went well and what did not.

Decide together if the aspects that need changing are truly changeable. A relationship takes teamwork and dedication. Are you both willing and able?

If your ex is not willing to talk about it

You have to accept that he is not in a position to reconsider his choice, at least not now. If this is your situation, the best thing you can do is respect his wishes and space. Communicate your love and care for him and let him know you want to try to work things out, but do not insist on that happening right now and do not disregard his feelings because you will push him further away.

Give him some time and space to come around to it on his own. He needs and deserves his own time to reflect on his own needs. Plus, giving him time and space is beneficial for you because it gives him an opportunity to miss you. However, if he has his mind made up there is nothing you can do to change it.

Remember that if someone does not want you and is not willing to work it our or fight for the relationship, this is not someone you want in your life. Every relationship requires two people, effort on both ends, care and nourishment on both ends.

If you try to maintain a relationship where you are carrying all of the weight, it will burn you out and everyone involved will be left hurt and unhappy. If you are finding yourself in this situation now, it is best to cut your losses here and begin your journey of healing now, instead of down the road.

Final Thoughts

As you explore this difficult time, remember that habits can change. You can identify ways you can communicate your needs, communicate better in general, focus on positives, share concerns and emotions and thoughts.

You can be mindful of spending more quality time if you feel that is the issue, or you can work on building trust. But, you cannot change the character or the essence of who someone is. If you are trying to change your ex or if he is trying to change you, it is not going to work.

Allow yourself enough time to gather your thoughts and emotions to make a decision that is in the best interest of both of you.

Remember, communication is of the utmost importance. Of course, it can be tricky communicating with your ex as they’ll no doubt, want some space. That’s why texting can be so effective. However, this is a tricky time, one wrong text and he could block you and close the doors on you forever. This is the reason that so many women have turned to relationship coach, Amy North for help.

If you feel that you also need help from an expert then you can learn Amy’s text message breakup recovery formula here.

How to Get Your Ex-boyfriend Back When He Ignores You

June 22, 2021June 17, 2018

After a breakup, some people tend to promise each other that they will still be friends going into the future. However, it is not unusual to see two people who were once love birds ignoring each other.

I’ll tell you why texting and talking to him in a particular way is going to make all the difference. Even if he’s ignoring you…

If you have broken up with your ex-boyfriend and attempts to communicate with him are bearing no fruits, then it would help to first find out why he has been ignoring you.

From here, you can then start to take steps to try to get him back into your life, at least as friends if that is what you are wanting.

In this article, I am going to help you understand some of the reasons your ex-boyfriend could be ignoring you and what you can do to get him back when he is ignoring you.

Reasons Why Your Ex-boyfriend Might Be Ignoring You

You are putting him off by texting him and calling him incessantly

If you had agreed to keep in touch after the breakup, it is important to note that you could be suffocating your ex by always calling and texting him.

This can feel stifling for guys and sooner or later he will just stop replying.

He might feel like you are harassing him and therefore, just decide to shut you out of his life completely. It would be advisable to just let him be by giving him a break.

If you have noticed that his replies to your texts were getting shorter and more abrupt with less or even no emojie’s before the dreaded radio silence came about, then chances are this could be why he’s ignoring you.

You are acting desperate

As a woman, one big mistake is to show your ex-boyfriend that you feel that you are nothing without him.

A guy is likely to ignore you if he realizes that you are acting desperate and needy towards him.

Telling him you miss him, liking all his pictures and comments on Facebook and Instagram, telling him you want him back into your life, or calling him and texting him incessantly are all things to be avoided if you have broken up.

It is important to note that no guy wants a girl who is too needy and acts out of desperation.

He has moved on

If your ex-boyfriend has been ignoring you, then it is possible that he has moved on.

I know this is the last thing you would want to hear if you’re wanting to get back together with him, but it is very possible that he is doing it because he probably does not want to disrespect his newly found girlfriend.

Related Article: The most powerful breakup recovery advice ever?

He still cares about you

Many women tend to think that an ex-boyfriend is ignoring them because he no longer has feelings for them or he no longer cares.

On the contrary, your ex-boyfriend could be ignoring you because he might still be deeply in love with you and to ignore you could just be a tactic he is using to help him cope with his feelings.

If you realize that he is not responding to your texts or calls, the best thing you could do is to give him space and allow him to first heal from the breakup.

This is one reason the no contact rule can be so effective (see below).

Here is a great video from coach Adrian with some tips on how you can get your ex to stop ignoring you.

The above reasons are some of the most common reasons why your ex could be ignoring you.

This next section below will focus on things you can do to get him back when he seems to be ignoring all communication from you.

Give him some space

If your ex-boyfriend has been ignoring you and you really want him back, it is important that you give him space, as hard as this might be in practice.

By giving him space, it might make him realize how much he misses you and he might then decide to contact you.

In addition, the fact that your ex-boyfriend is ignoring you means that he wants space.

If you keep fighting for his attention, he will likely pull away even more.

Giving him space can feel extremely difficult, but it is important that you do so.

If you’re not quite sure about leaving him alone just yet, see our article here on five clear situations where you need to give him space.

Avoid begging him to come back to you

As I had said earlier, men do not like women who act needy and desperate, and begging for love will make him totally withdraw.

Therefore, if you really want to get your ex boyfriend back then do not beg him to give the relationship a second chance because this is very unlikely to work and will also cause him to lose a little respect for you.

In addition, begging him to get back with you is also likely to damage your self-respect and self-esteem, especially if he rejects your pleas.

Show him you do not need him

If you are still wondering how to get your ex-boyfriend back when he ignores you, the next option would be to show him that you do not need him.

It is important to understand that people tend to want what they feel that they cannot have. Therefore, by making your ex-boyfriend realize that he no longer has you, he might be tempted to get back to you.

By ignoring him, you make him change his attitude towards you, and the feeling that you are slipping away from his life could make him want to get back in touch with you again.

See also: How to tell if he misses you

Practice the no contact rule

Your ex-boyfriend has probably become so used to you sending him texts, calling him, letting him know what you are up or even letting him know how you feel.

If that describes what has been going on with you, then you are losing a lot of credit and self-worth, and it is about time you stopped doing it.

The no contact rule means that you need to cease all communications and contact with him for a period of thirty days.

This includes calling him, texting him, liking his social media posts or “coincidentally” showing up where you know he will be.

This also means you cant get a friend to give him a message or send a friend to spy on him and report back to you.

If you can practice the no contact rule, it restrains you from convincing your ex-partner that he is making a wrong decision by not being your man.

The no-contact rule helps you to regain your self-esteem and the respect of your ex-boyfriend, and it also keeps you from fighting with your ex-boyfriend.

During this time, both of you get the chance to reflect and gain insights on what you want and chances are that after clear reflection, you could reconcile with your ex-partner. Not only does this technique give the both of you some much needed space, it can also cause him to start to miss you.

If you’re having the opposite issue with your ex, meaning that you are trying to apply the no contact rule, but he is still trying to keep in contact with you, then read relationship expert, Avelon B Mcnae’s article on no contact here.

Re-invent yourself

You could re-invent yourself by looking healthier, getting in shape or perhaps even learning a new skill.

Not only does this help to boost your self-esteem, it will also let your boyfriend know that you can cope on your own without him and it may even cause him to doubt breaking up with you.

You could re-invent yourself by changing your wardrobe, going to the gym, and getting a new look that you know he will probably be in to.

By re-investing yourself, you are embracing change and this is a good move towards getting your ex-boyfriend back. After all, if you broke up then the chances are that either you or he or both of you were not happy with how things were before and a change of pace can help the both of you to view things potentially being different in the future.

Create your own happiness and keep yourself busy

Men tend to be attracted to women who are happy on their own. If you stop acting desperate and needy by creating your own happiness, your ex-boyfriend might realize that you do not depend on him to be happy and this might make him reconsider getting back with you.

In addition, as you practice the no contact rule, remember to keep yourself busy. This will make your boyfriend wonder what you are up to and he might even decide to pursue you once more if he still has feelings for you.

Again, just to recap. If he’s not talking to you anymore. If he’s ignoring your texts. If he’s a ghost, then start using this type of texting to hook into his mind, addict him to you, and steer him back to you.

How to Save Your Marriage When All Looks Hopeless

June 24, 2021June 17, 2018

No marriage is perfect and often times, it’s far from it. Marriage comes along with commitment, responsibilities, the good, the bad, and the in-between.

After the honeymoon phase has passed and as life presents challenges, it can become easy to feel discouraged about a relationship you were once head over heels in.

If you are feeling that your marriage is struggling, you have come to the right place. Below are six pieces of advice for what you can do actively to help turn your marriage into a positive, safe, and exciting place once again.

Six Steps To Saving Your Marriage When You Feel Hopeless

Step 1: Focus on gratitude

Appreciation goes a long way in any type of relationship whether it be romantic, familial, friendship, with coworkers, even with strangers. Every person wants to feel appreciated for his or her efforts despite how big or small they may be. In this very moment, pause to put conscious effort into some of the things your significant other does for you.

Do they bring out the garbage, help the kids with homework, make you coffee in the morning, start your car in the Winter, listen to your concerns about work, or rub your back? Think about all the ways your partner tries to do things for you and identify them in your mind. Also, start paying closer attention because I am sure there are things you aren’t seeing.

When you do realize that your partner is doing something for you or something that will ultimately make your life better, simply say “thank you” to them. Acknowledging the small, daily, efforts helps to encourage more of that. Everybody wins. Express the importance of receiving this appreciation as well, but also continue to do for others simply for the sake of doing and wanting to help.

There are many studies that show that the simple act of saying “Thank You” helps to contribute to, and maintain, a healthy relationship.

Step 2: The gratitude list

Once you start to focus more on the things you are grateful for about your partner, make a list of ten things you appreciate about your husband or wife. You can add things from step 1 (things you’re grateful for that they do), but also think about your partner as a person.

What is it about him or her that drew you to them initially?
Do you like how they look when they wear that certain outfit or the way they can engage a room socially?
What about their thoughtfulness and attentiveness to detail?
Do you appreciate their simplicity and laid back personality?
Or perhaps their work ethic?

Aim for at least ten things to write down about your partner that you appreciate about them. Keep the list going if you can! When we stop to pause and reflect we allow ourselves the opportunity to pay attention to things we may have been overlooking.

Sometimes you both need some perspective to remind yourselves why you chose this person to begin with, which will bring you back to the simplicity of appreciating this person who you have committed to and who has committed to you.

Step 3: Set aside some time to spend together

Carve out an hour after the kids are asleep or if you can afford it, get a babysitter to go out for dinner once a week. Whatever you can make work, decide on it together and set a number to it. One hour per night? One dinner date per week? 15 minutes of quality time every morning?

Whatever this looks like for you, and whatever you both agree on, put a frequency to it to make sure you can keep yourselves in check. Make sure you agree on this plan together. In order to better your relationship, spending quality time together is of the utmost importance.

Instead of watching your favorite TV show, play a board game or cards. Instead of falling asleep to the TV, turn it off and have a brief conversation about the day. If you can’t think of something to talk about – focus on positivity and gratitude.

Ask your partner to share three things he or she is grateful for and do the same. Find what works for you both to share your thoughts, time, and yourselves with each other.

See also: How to move beyond the fighting

Step 4: Disconnect to reconnect

Disconnect from your phone, social media, and any other device. In order to connect with those around you (in the physical), you must disconnect from the temptations of distraction (phones, TV, etc). So often we allow ourselves to delve into the social or entertainment world to distract ourselves from having to face our own realities.

When you are with your partner, spend mindful time with them in conversation. Ask them questions to express your interest in their day, in what’s going on at work, how their friends are. When they are speaking to you, give them your attention through eye contact, active listening, and minimal distractions. Put your phones and devices away.

Remember that when you listen actively, it is not just a matter of looking at them speak and saying “uh huh” in response. Listening to truly listen does not mean having to provide a response at all. It’s nice if you do, if it’s meaningful. But, what’s more important is to use eye contact to show you are fully engaged, be mindful of your body since body language is a huge part of communication, and to listen to understand.

Step 5: Maintain your individuality

Sometimes martial issues stem from expectations placed on the marriage itself. Maybe you’ve become caught up in the daily routines of work, kids, pets, family, etc.

There is nothing wrong with routine or spending your time in a certain way, but it is important to you as an individual and to your relationship to maintain your individual interests. If you have the time and means to sign up for a class – try it out without your partner (unless of course, they want to join then you can get quality time)!

If you maintain your individual interests and pursue them, even if they are separate from your partner’s interests, it is healthy for you and will carry over positively into your relationship. Check out apps such as GroupOn to see what classes or activities are in your area to try out – anything from Yoga and cooking classes to golfing and photography etc.

Maybe try something you’ve never experienced before to broaden your horizons.

Step 6: Laugh

Laughter is key in any relationship and any situation. When we can laugh together, we can work through many of our more serious situations.

If you can swing it, make a date night out of it to a comedy club. If you can’t make that happen, pull up some Netflix or another outlet to watch a funny movie or stand up comedy.

When we laugh together we connect on a deeper level and we remind ourselves not to take things so seriously.

Being able to connect in this area can be extremely beneficial in recreating warm, positive feelings in your marriage.

The main thing to keep in mind is that while you may be feeling like your marriage is hopeless, you can remind yourself that you have the power to turn the energy of it around.

If you follow the steps outlined above as a starting point you will be able to work toward shifting back to a point of loving, appreciating, and enjoying the marriage that you have committed to.

A shift in perspective + effort on both ends = the key to revamping your marriage into being more successful and fulfilling.

4 Powerful Steps To Get Him Back…Fast!

June 22, 2021January 2, 2018

Here at the American Dating Society, we know many of you are dealing with a breakup or are still struggling to get over a breakup from the past. That’s why we teamed up with a gifted relationship and family therapist named Jane Lu to help bring you her amazing strategy for helping to get your partner back quickly or to empower you to get over the breakup and move on with your life a stronger woman.

Here we introduce you to Jane Lu an let you know how you can discover her powerful techniques to put you back in control of your life and become the empowered woman you know deep down you could always become, once and for all.

How She Wins Him Back – Review

So Who Is Jane Lu?

Jane Lu is a Certified marriage and family therapist intern and has years of experience helping individuals, couples and families with all kinds of relationship issues. Through her experience, she has developed a system that brings a 95% success rate for the clients she works with. Through her dedication and years of experience, Jane is now ready to take her marriage and family therapy license exam.

For more than 6 years, Jane has worked on a one-to-one basis, with couples and even in groups on various topics to help them rebuild their lives and develop the skills they need in order to transform into powerful individuals in charge of their life. Besides this, Jane also helps people develop strong communication skills to improve their relationships.

As if this wouldn’t keep her busy enough, Jane is also a Certified holistic health coach, Spiritual Healer and has worked for over 10 years as a children’s social worker providing counselling, mentoring and guidance to those in need of her help. Jane uses her skills as a therapist to further help and empower her clients.

Through Jane’s working and life experience, she has found that one of the primary causes of broken relationships is due to a lack of or poor communication skills between people.

Jane also found another key ingredient – being true to yourself – Jane found that when a person was not being true to themselves their relationship with themselves and others also suffered.

Therefore, Jane focusses on truth and communication to improve relationships.

How Jane Can Help You

With so many people in need of Jane’s help, it is impossible for her to work with everyone one-to-one. We’re aware that many of our readers are particularly seeking help with breakup issues so we decided to team up and assist Jane in getting her powerful coaching across to a wider audience, and primarily to our readers and subscribers. That’s why we helped Jane put her techniques together with an easily accessible course that you can follow along to within the privacy of your own home and at a pace that’s right for you without having to pay expensive counselling or therapy fees. In fact, we wanted to make Jane’s course so accessible, it is currently less than the cost of an evening meal.

When you truly know what you want you will then have a path. One of Jane’s primary goals is to empower you to become a master of your own life. When you have clarity and empowerment, others will treat you with the respect and love that you deserve.

In her course, Jane also hits home on the importance of loving yourself. Once you love yourself you will then have a clearer idea of what it is you truly want in a relationship.

What’s In Jane Lu’s Course?

Jane’s course is called ‘How She Win’s Him Back‘ and is comprised of two parts.

Part one: Part one is an eBook version for those who are wanting to dip their toe in to see if Jane’s course is right for them.

Part two: For those who are needing a step by step ‘playbook’ of exactly what to do, part two is a full video members area which includes Jane’s powerful 4 step method to get your partner back. In the member’s area, we’ve also included a 30min relationship Q&A session that we recorded with another relationship expert who you may have seen elsewhere on American Dating Society, Avelon B McNae. We recorded this webinar with Avelon in 2017 and it’s gotten some great feedback.

Members of the full course also benefit from our helpful audio series which are designed to help you find peace of mind with where you’re at in your relationship or breakup.

What Is The 4 Step Method?

Through her years of experience and coaching, Jane Lu has devised a clear-cut, four-step approach to bring powerful results. These steps are;

Step1: Situation Clarity. In the first step, Jane delves into the very important question of understanding whether it’s time to move on or to try to get him back. Jane takes you through an effective step-by-step process where she helps you get situation clarity so you can make the right decisions that are best for your life. By doing this you will be able to more easily separate your emotions from the situation so you can gain situation clarity.

Step2: Self (Feeling) Clarity. In step two, Jane goes straight for the jugular and addresses the subject of when and how you can know that the time is right to either move on or start the process to get your ex back. With this technique, Jane teaches you how to effectively examine your feelings so you can make a decision from the heart that will ultimately be the best choice for you.

In this video, Jane shows you how you can reassess your emotions as you see your situation more clearly. From here, you are then taken through the process of understanding your emotions better to see if your emotions have changed as you see your situation differently. From here, you will then clearly be able to see your next move in the situation.

Besides helping you to gain clarity on your situation and feelings, this video also helps you to understand yourself on a deeper level, which can also benefit other areas of your life.

Step 2 is so powerful and not only allows you to arrive at the right answer for you, it also helps you to see once and for all if the relationship is worth your effort and how to tell if your feelings and desire for him are real.

Step3: Testing The Water. This step is all about your ex’s feelings towards you and testing the waters. This video will give you a better understanding of your ex’s feelings towards you and will help you to clearly see if there is a possibility of the two of you getting back together.

First, Jane delves into your ex’s current situation and his feelings towards you. Once you have found out his feelings towards you using Jane’s techniques, you can then see clearly if it is a good idea to initiate some form of contact. Jane then helps you to communicate with him in order to get the information you need to draw a conclusion about what you want to do from here.

Have you been asking yourself, your friends or even Google, questions like Does he still loves me? Does he still think about me? Does he miss me? Can I get him back? If so, then you’ll be able to answer all these questions for yourself once you’ve gone through Step3 of Jane’s course.

Step4: Fork In The Road. This video is all about moving forward and what you should do from this point. From this point change now must occur in order for you to continue moving forward in a happy and healthy way. Jane highlights a very important quote in this video to illustrate her point;

“If you change nothing, then nothing will change.”

From here, Jane explains that one of two outcomes will emerge from talking to your ex. Once you know what these two possibilities are and you have followed steps one, two and three to find out which one will be relevant to your situation, Jane explains what you need to do for each of the possibilities.

What Results Can I Expect?

Jane’s program is designed for you to go through in your own time, however, Jane feels it is best to take it step-by-step and watch one video per week so you can absorb the information and complete the tasks Jane asks you to do in each module. However, it is possible to watch all the videos in a week. Regardless, you will want to review each video several times over the coming weeks in order to get the most out of the program.

If you are following the course correctly then you should start to see changes in your perspective, your understanding and also your feelings after the first week.

How She Wins Him Back is a powerful program that gets the ‘American Dating Society Seal Of Approval‘. This course will help you to go from stuck in a breakup and trying to put the pieces back together to turning the tables to create a loving, stable relationship, either with your ex or moving on to something new and better for yourself.

Once a person has been through this course they will be able to more easily see their sub-conscious patterns that got them in the mess in the first place and then being able to untangle the issues and things that kept them stuck.

To get Jane’s How She Wins Him Back course, click here.

4 Reasons You Can Be Happy Without Him After a Breakup

June 22, 2021October 22, 2017

It’s not the same, is it? Learning to pilot your own ship, when for months or years or even decades, you had a dedicated co-captain to share the voyage? I won’t sugarcoat it: These are some rough seas. But there are ways you can get through this difficult time on your own — and even find a way back to happiness. After all, you aren’t just one half of a whole; you were a whole person before him, and you can feel like one again.

1. Embrace your inner woman

You know all those things he made fun of you for doing, saying they were “too girly?” Like when you would indulge in expensive spa treatments “just because,” or paint your toenails outrageous colors, or cry happy tears while watching An Affair to Remember? Well, do all of those things now. Buy a pint of your favorite Ben & Jerry’s flavor, stream the sappiest movie you can think of, and settle in for a night of indulgence.

2. Boost your mood the natural way

Face it — he probably wasn’t too crazy about your oil diffuser, either. Now’s the time to crank it up, using your favorite seasonal scents. Peppermint oil, in particular, is often used to relieve stress and improve mental well-being. If your eyes are puffy from hours of crying, add a drop each of lavender and lemon oils to a teaspoon of distilled water, and massage the potion under your eyes before bedtime. You’ll wake feeling rejuvenated and refreshed, and look the part.

3. Strut your stuff

You don’t need to be on a man’s arm in order to have a great night on the town. Visit the local movie theater by yourself — or better yet, treat yourself to a live performance by an artist you love — and sit wherever you damn well please. Before or after, check out that restaurant you always wanted to try but never did because they didn’t have the baseball game on. Bonus: You don’t have to share your popcorn or appetizers.

4. Write him a letter

All right, I know — you’re trying to get over him, not dwell on all the stuff that drove you apart. But writing can be therapeutic, as well as cathartic. Say the things you weren’t able to say in the heat of your last days together. Get angry. Forgive yourself. Then either file the letter someplace where no one can ever read it, or throw it in the fireplace.

Looking for more tips on how to feel like yourself again? Click here to see How She Wins Him Back for ideas and stories from other women who are in the same boat as you. Just remember: Healing isn’t an instantaneous process, but what heals after a break is often stronger.