Ask Avelon: Distance Speaks To a Man’s Heart In a Way That Your Words Cannot

Stacy asked,

We are not back together. We are still at a standstill of him giving the silent treatment in a long distance relationship. He isn’t responding, I have now not tried in 12 days to try to contact him, but he paid my cell phone bill yesterday and paid my car insurance….I would love to receive any suggestions you might have and it would be appreciated. Any text I could send or email that would make him do a turn around? 

a man and a woman looking out to sea

Hello Stacy,

Your partner likely still has some feelings for you and feels some level of obligation to pay your bills, even while giving you the silent treatment. His mixed messages show he’s conflicted or ambivalent about the relationship. I suggest you stay with your no-contact stance, otherwise you are giving up your power to get what you really want and need from him.

My standing advice for any woman who isn’t getting respectful, loving behavior from a man is to apply some distance. Distance speaks to a man’s heart in a way that your words cannot. In your case, your former partner is already applying distance. So, you must apply even more when he’s ready to stop – to the extent he’s so uncomfortable with it that he fears he’s lost you forever! Once that fears sets in you have some bargaining power for positive change. As it stands now, it’s reversed between the two of you and you have no bargaining power!

Related article: Maintaining love and passion over long distance

Recommended: If Right Now You Feel Deep Down There’s Something Standing In The Way of The Love You Should Have From Your Ex… (continue reading)

As long as you are always available to him he believes you always will be available. Being so available to a man who is not giving you what you really want and need from him diminishes your value to him. He won’t ever give you what you need and want because he doesn’t have to – you’ve made it way too easy for him to be a slacker! He must earn your attention and affection by being the kind of man you can trust with your heart completely. It’s your place to create your value to him and part of the way you do so, is being relatively unavailable to him until he’s showing you he deserves more of your time, attention and energy! Even then, be slow to give it to him. After all, he’s lost some or all of your trust and needs to win you back by proving he’s changed and deserves you!

See also: 6 things to keep him interested in a long-term relationship

In the event you do hear from him again, you need to be completely unavailable to him initially. Don’t immediately respond to his calls, texts or emails. Make him wait! He needs to understand at a very visceral, heartfelt level that you’re very unhappy with his past behavior. Remember, show him – not tell him with endless conversations, texts, emails, etc.  If he truly wants you, there will be more communication from him. A lot more! You will find out where he really stands and the limbo state you’re in while waiting on him to contact you will be over. It’s this limbo state that you want to break to gain forward movement one way or the other!

You also might like: Why does he “go dark” on you and become like a ghost… Get One-on-one Support & The Attraction Fix

If or when you decide to respond once he contacts you again, let him know you are still upset with him with your distance by being less available than he would prefer and less so than you’ve ever been with him. In fact, you are still upset with him until he shows you much better behavior. Otherwise, you are rewarding his past poor behavior and encouraging more of the same. Reward him with your time and energy only to the extent that he’s giving you what you truly want and need from him. Once his behavior is desirable again, you can begin slowly spending more time with him and negotiating a reconciliation and commitment if that’s what you still want with him. He has to be the initiator of such conversations though and remember, it’s s  l  o  w  l  y for you to consider it! Make him work for it to truly appreciate and value you! Value yourself first!

Best always,
Avelon

Ask Avelon: No Contact Rule But He Still Contacts Me – What Should I Do?

Joanna asked:

Me and my ex we have the same friends and it is hard for me to not contact him. He is the one that contacts me most of the time. But I think he doesn’t want to lose me as a friend but he doesn’t want to be with me anymore.

What should I do?

Hello Joanna,

I certainly understand that the “no contact rule” can be very hard to implement after a breakup with your ex. You still have an attachment to one another. The no contact rule means that regardless of how “hard” it is to not contact your ex, you are following through with it. It’s usually “hard” for everyone after the breakup of a significant relationship to not contact their former partner or spouse. I know it’s difficult to let go of someone you love or once loved. Love isn’t enough to make a great relationship, so letting go is sometimes very necessary!

There is a guiding principle that works best in life choices and decisions and that principle is that we follow “truth” and not “emotions” to make those choices and decisions. Sometimes the truth requires actions that are not in alignment with our emotions, nevertheless the truth or reality is what we must follow for our highest good.

Recommended:  James Bauer explains What Men Secretly Want

The truth is that once an intimate relationship has ended, both people may feel in their emotions that it’s hard to refrain from contacting the ex because there is an attachment bond that has formed between them. It’s painful to break that bond and it can only be accomplished by using no contact. Any form of contact means that the bond is still being nurtured in some way.

Not breaking that attachment bond means that you are both unable to heal from the loss of the relationship. Furthermore, neither of you will be able to successfully form new attachment bonds with other people, which means you will be stuck in the past unable to move forward in your lives. It’s not a good option for your future happiness.

If your ex contacts you there is always a choice on your part about how to respond. When you respond with texting or phone calls you are encouraging more contact and not allowing yourself to fully heal from the loss. It’s as if the scab on the wound is continually being ripped off and the pain cycle is starting all over again! The appropriate way to break that attachment bond is to not respond at all when you are needing to heal and move forward with your life. Eventually, he will get the message and stop contacting you. Also, eventually you will stop wanting to hear from him because you know that after you do, you don’t feel good. The pain starts all over again. You’ll do well to block him on your phone from contacting you!

Even though you have some of the same friends you can find ways to avoid contact with your ex. Just don’t show up at familiar places where you know he frequents and you could run into him. It’s called avoidance and it’s way to protect your heart while it’s healing, so it can really heal completely!

Recommended:  Learn about the Secret Love Instinct

If you will do what is “hard” right now and bite the bullet, you’ll find that your heart will completely heal from the breakup and you’ll position yourself to open to love once again with someone else who just may be “the one” for you! It’s really worth it in the long run to fully let go of your ex!

Best in life,
Avelon

Ask Avelon: Tried Everything With Him, But Still Huge Fights! Here’s 4-Steps To Move Forward

Janay asked:

What if you made the mistake of repeatedly calling,crying, and begging your ex to take you back. You’ve tried everything from memories to trying to get their attention on stop weeks and months after you’ve broken up but it seems like they still want nothing to do with you.

You have a huge fight and things have gotten worse to the point of public humiliation.

What can you do?

relationship fight

Dear Janay,

I hear your heartfelt sadness, desperation and frustration at trying to win back the man you love when he’s completely disinterested in a reconciliation. I hope to bring some understanding of the relationship dynamics between the two of you at this time. Your former boyfriend is as frustrated as you for very different reasons. While you are pining away for him and doing everything you can to get him back, he’s doing everything he can to move on and heal from the loss of the relationship. At the same time, he’s feeling guilty that you are hurting so much and frustrated that you continue to pursue him. You didn’t mention the reasons for the breakup, but it’s clear he wants to move on with his life without you.

Usually, though not always when people are so determined to retrieve a former lover when there’s no interest from the other consistently over time, it’s because of the unconscious conflict of the pursuer. He or she has a difficult relationship with at least one unavailable or rejecting parent and there is considerable distance between them. If this situation is true for you, then it’s likely at an unconscious level, you may be trying to win back your ex in an effort to heal that wounded part of yourself that didn’t get what you needed from your parent(s). These difficult attachment issues with the parent(s) usually carry over into intimate relationships and often play out with the same approach / avoidance dynamics you’re experiencing between you and your former boyfriend.

If this situation applies to you, trying to get yourself out of it can be so anguishing because the attachment difficulties between you and your parent(s) are acting as an intensifier to the loss of your boyfriend making it even harder to accept. As you work on healing yourself of the past difficulties with your parent(s), you will find that you have little or no interest in pursuing a man who isn’t wanting to be with you. Unfortunately, people find that until they’ve healed those old attachment wounds from the past, they continue to repeat this pattern with others. If this situation describes your own, professional help to work on the healing you need will help you let go of this old relationship.

You deserve someone to love you in return. In the meantime, you must love yourself first. Here is what you can do from this point forward to take much better care of yourself.

  1. Take the high road. Let him go. Write your former boyfriend a brief letter apologizing for your part in whatever brought about the breakup and your lack of acceptance that he no longer wants to be with you. In the letter you can also mention any bad choices on your part that may have upset him. Take full responsibility for your part. Thank him for the lessons you’ve learned. Wish him well in his life without you. You will feel better about yourself and begin rebuilding the self-respect you’ve lost in continuing to pursue someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with you.
  2. Focus on yourself much more and your ex much less. Prepare yourself for a better relationship in the future with someone who is truly right for you and reciprocates the same depth of love that you have for him by finding good professional help to heal those old attachment wounds!
  3. Be kind, patient and gentle with yourself as you heal your grief.
  4. Work on your relationship with yourself. Give yourself the love that you’ve been trying to get from your ex!

Best in life to you,
Avelon

Are Bad Energies Killing Your Chance of Getting Your Ex Back?

a man and a woman in love huggingDid you recently go through the biggest breakup of your life and you’re aching to get your ex back? You might be standing in your own way without even realizing it. By thinking and dwelling on negative energies, you can be pushing your ex further away from your loving arms.

Thankfully, you can learn to use the power of positive energy and the law of attraction to make sure your lover finds his way back to your heart.

In her new book, Manifest Your Ex Back, relationship expert Amanda Walters guides you on the manifestation tips and tricks for getting your man to fall in love with you all over again.

Here are some ways you can shake your bad energies and start turning the tides of love in your favor.

The Law of Attraction

The universal law centers around the idea that you get back from the universe what you put out. Essentially, this means like energy attracts like energy.

Everything from your career life to your friendships have made their way into your life because you’ve attracted what you’ve put out there for the universe.

If you’re grumpy and depressed, self-loathing and miserable, then what can you expect to have in return —A horrible path and an awful breakup? But what if you switch your mindset and begin to radiate positivity, hope, love and joy? What kind-of energies (and relationships) would then come your way?

Think Positive

The first step to letting go of bad energies that are keeping your love life in misery is to change the way you think. Instead of thinking about your breakup as the worst thing to ever happened, start focusing on the positive.

Now you have more time to do the things that you didn’t get to do while you were a duo. Be thankful for this time to work on yourself and change your mindset.

Start thinking about how this break is the time to figure out how to make your relationship really last the next time around.

a couple trying to get back together

Know Your Vibrations

Vibrations are the energies you send out to the world. If you’re jumping for joy and radiating a positive energy, then everyone around you will feel positive and joyous too. But if you’re arguing and complaining, everyone around you can’t help but to feel that way too.

Could this be a step to changing the way you handled your relationship?

Make Changes

The Manifest Your Ex Back BookStart by taking the steps to find the path to your true self right now. Vouch to eat healthy, do a daily workout, hang out with new friends, start a hobby and change the way you see the world.

Every positive step you take will push the bad energy out of your daily life and let in the positive energy that men (and your ex) will be extremely attracted to.

The result will put you on the path to finding your real self and that’s the real key to creating relationships that last.

MORE: Learn how to leverage the power of law of attraction in your romantic relationship

Making positive changes is the first step to changing the way your ex will view your relationship but it’s certainly not the only thing you need to do. In Manifest Your Ex Back, you’ll find out more about the power of manifestation and the law of attraction and how to use them to get your ex back.

There are even daily exercises to make sure you’ll be ready to get your man back in just 21 short days. Remember, you have the ability to switch the power of your relationship out of his hands and back into yours. He won’t be able to resist your charms when you learn how to hold all the cards.

MORE: Catch Amanda Walters’ New Book Review, Manifest Your Ex Back: A Little-Known Manifestation Technique To Get Your Ex Back

Is He Missing You While You’re Using The No Contact Rule?

a woman waiting on a text from a guyYou know the feeling… a ton of separation anxiety as you’re missing him after a breakup. You miss him and it hurts to be apart from him. The loss of an intimate relationship and the grief and anguish that follow is one of the worst experiences of living. For a long time, your grieving takes on an obsessional nature. You can scarcely think of anything else.

“…I can assure you, even though he pulled away he still misses you.”

Depending on the duration and quality of your relationship, what happened to end it and what you were expecting from it, you may or may not be hoping for a reconciliation between you and your former partner or spouse.

At the very least, you’ve wondered a few hundred times if he’s missing you and if so, if he’s missing you as much as you’re missing him. Come on, there’s no shame in admitting it! In spite of these inner musings, you’re adamantly determined to stick with the No Contact Rule. Of course, you’re hoping he’ll contact you first, right?

To help you get inside his mind after a breakup or divorce, I’m going to share what’s really happening in his head. Regardless of how the relationship ended, you may take comfort in knowing that he’s wondering if he or you did the right thing in ending it.

If he ended it, there was likely quite a bit of ambivalence on his part about whether the two of you were the right fit together for the long-term or for any longer in the future. His ambivalence was probably going on long before you either had a clue or worked through your denial about it.

So, ending it may have felt like a relief for him or a painful opening to his freedom as a single man again. He also feels guilty about hurting you and yes, he misses you – even if he cheated on you with someone else and is with her now.

See also: How To Get Him To Miss You After The Breakup

Missing your former partner or spouse is part of what happens after a breakup. Questioning if it was the right thing to do as the loss is processed and feeling regret and sadness is part of what happens afterwards, no matter the cause of the breakup or who did the ugly or compassionate deed of ending it.

As you wonder day to day if he’s missing you it may be hard to maintain the No Contact Rule, especially because you are missing him.

You deserve a man who KNOWS you’re the one for him!

a man and a woman talking intimately and kissing on a bad

While I stated that everyone misses their former partner or spouse after a breakup or divorce, I want to clarify some aspects of his missing you.

It may take a while for him to miss you if he ended it and the two of you had been on really bad terms with one another, but eventually he will feel his loss of the relationship and begin remembering all the good times between the two of you.

He’ll remember all the reasons he fell in love with you, what attracted him to you, etc. It’s all this remembering of the good and bad that created his ambivalence to stay or go if he’s the one that ended it.

Related Article: What You Need To Do To Get Over The Breakup

If he wanted the ending and was ambivalent about your relationship for some time, then he probably isn’t missing you as much as you’re missing him. Before an intimate relationship or marriage ends – especially those of longer duration, there is a process of detachment that happens between two people.

Usually, one wants in and the other one wants out before a separation occurs. During this time, the one who wants in feels at some level the other one pulling away and this triggers fear of loss, abandonment, rejection, insecurity and generally a feeling of being “unsafe” in the relationship.

If your partner or spouse began pulling away from you, then you know these feelings quite well within your psyche. It may be easy to believe that he doesn’t miss you if he’s the one who wanted out, while you still wanted in. I can assure you, even though he pulled away he still misses you. He may even miss you more than you miss him if he was emotionally and physically dependent on you.

Many times we’ve all heard the adages, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” and “Out of sight, out of mind.” Which one is true in your case and his depends so much on several factors such as:

  • How long you were together
  • The depth of his attachment to you
  • If he still loves you
  • If he believes he made a mistake or not
  • What happened that tore the two of you apart
  • If he has someone new already
  • If you have someone new already

a woman hugging her boyfriendThere’s one thing I can tell you for certain – if a man truly believes you are right for him and highly values you as a wife or partner, he either won’t end his relationship with you or if he does and realizes he’s made a big mistake, he’ll be in contact with you.

You won’t have to go looking for him, trying to convince him to give your relationship another go. Further, if he values you enough you’ll know it by his actions. Is he calling, texting or emailing you in a conciliatory manner? Is he taking responsibility for his part in the ending? Is he willing to do something about it to make corrections for a possible future reunion between the two of you?

If you aren’t getting any of these indicators and you’re really hung up on him, please consider getting some professional help to get over him and re-position yourself for a much better future without him.

You deserve a man who KNOWS you’re the one for him! When a man knows you’re valuable to him, you won’t be wondering what he’s thinking or feeling when you’re together or apart, because he’ll tell you right up front!

Dr. Samantha Rodman: How To Win Back Your Ex

a sad womanLots of articles with headlines like this one promise that if you learn certain tips or tricks, you can woo back a boyfriend who left you. Some of these tips may even work, temporarily or for the long haul. But, as a psychologist who works with couples, I wonder how many of the couples I see in counseling are together because one of the partners read about these “tips” and resuscitated a relationship that wasn’t very healthy in the first place.

When you break up with a partner, it can be extremely painful, and it can feel almost like a death. Many people want to end this pain as soon as possible by somehow luring their ex back. Unfortunately, when you’re consumed with getting someone back, you’re not thinking much about why things originally ended. There is always a reason why your relationship failed, and diving back into it isn’t usually a healthy long-term decision.

After a relationship ends, most people don’t take a hard look at their own contribution to its demise, and instead blame the breakup on one fight, rather than a systemic issue. In many cases, a relationship ended because one person wasn’t invested in the relationship, or because there was too much conflict, or the two people were incompatible in one of a million possible ways. These are deep issues, and there is no way to make them magically disappear if and when you can lure your ex back again.

Related Article: Getting over The Break Up – What You You Need To Know

The tips themselves are frequently manipulative. Some tips advise you to fake a lack of interest, or act like you’re moving on quicker than you really are. This is designed to make your ex jealous. Others advise you to be more openly flirtatious, or teasing, to spark some curiosity and interest. Sometimes, people try to change their appearance to get an ex’s attention. Some of these may indeed “work.” But what’s the end goal? If it’s a genuine and authentic relationship, then building it on manipulation is a bad choice. Moreover, the same issues that initially led to your breakup will likely surface again in only a few weeks or months. Sometimes it only takes a few days!

Generally, people who are consumed with the idea of winning back an ex are people who are not very confident in themselves. When you’re insecure to start, it seems cataclysmic to be rejected by a partner. That is why you feel it’s a matter of life or death to get your partner back; only then can you feel good about yourself again. This is a hamster wheel, though. When you depend on external validation for your self-esteem, you’re always trying to please everyone, to get approval, and to do whatever it takes to keep a partner invested. This leaves you more and more disconnected from your own priorities, values, and self.

See also: Meeting Up With Him After The Breakup Period

Instead of trying to find magical tips that will bring your ex back, take some time alone after a breakup. Think, and even write in a journal, about the relationship. Think about why it ended, and what each of you contributed to the problems. Think about whether this latest breakup is indicative of a pattern that you can trace, connecting other relationships. Often, you can trace these patterns back even before romantic relationships into childhood. For instance, a woman who had an emotionally detached parent is much likelier to find herself consistently drawn to emotionally unavailable partners. It’s not conscious, it’s just what she is familiar with on a deep, subconscious level. Thinking about the connections between your early life, your relationships, and often even your friendships and other interactions, can be illuminating and can help you move out of toxic patterns. If you start to realize that you have brought many issues to your relationships, it can be very useful to explore this with a therapist.

You May Also Like: When To Get In Contact With Your Ex Boyfriend

If you truly feel that you and your ex could have a good relationship again, contact him directly and apologize for your part in the breakup. Say that you realize that you two had issues that stemmed from both of your behavior, and own your part. If your ex can own his part, then that could be a positive sign. If he can’t, or if he avoids the conversation, just leave it be. Life is too short to try and win back a person who doesn’t want to be in a healthy relationship with you. It is far preferable to do the hard work internally that can give you a healthy relationship with yourself.

How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend Nicely

a woman breaking up with her boyfriendIt goes without saying that any kind breakup is never going to be easy. However, if you want to be able to break up with your boyfriend nicely so that the two of you can leave on good terms, there are a few different pointers that you may want to keep in mind.

No matter how long the two of you have been together, saying goodbye in a kind, thoughtful manner will reduce the blow a great deal.

More good can come of finishing things on good terms than carelessly hurting someone or potentially making an enemy.

Tips One Breaking Up With Your Boyfriend Nicely

This Means Moving On

Once you know that the relationship is just not going to work, then the time that you need to say something should always be sooner rather than later.

If you hold onto a guy simply because you are not looking forward to bring single, it could cause both of you more pain in the long run. While there is never any pleasant way to break up with someone, it is going to be a necessary stepping stone for moving on.

The both of you will have the ability to benefit when you remain true to your feelings, and you are honest and open with each other. It is not going to be fair to either of you if you avoid breaking up simply out of fear. This is when the bad things start to happen, including fighting, cheating and constant regret that you are still in the relationship that you would rather not be in.

Think About What You Want To Say

Take some time to think about your reasons for wanting to break up with him and decide upon the things you want to say. Be honest with him, but don’t be harsh, brutal or rude.

Go About It Gently

Your boyfriend has feelings too, just like you do, which means that he is going to have feelings about the breakup of your relationship. However, any breakup is going to be a lot easier when you are able to point out valid reasons for your decision.

Talk about the things that don’t feel right to you instead of any faults you feel he may have. This is not an opportunity to have a dig at him and bring up all his flaws, at the end of the day we all have some. The main aim is just to convey to him that you do not want to be in the relationship any longer.

Breaking up will take a certain amount of preparation, as well as timing. Always use compassion, remain matter-of-fact and keep the line of honesty and communication open.

See also: 7 Signs You Should Get Back Together

a man and woman talkingSpeak In Person

You should always be the one to convey the news yourself and in person. Never send a text and never have someone else tell him for you. At the very least, you should tell him that you would like to talk so that you two can be part of an honest, two-way conversation.

If for whatever reason, you are still too nervous or perhaps even fearful of breaking up in person, then, in this case, a phone call may be acceptable, just as long as it is not over text. However, this is definitely not the best way to finish a relationship with someone. At the end of the day, he still deserves to hear your voice and sincerity and have an opportunity to say his bit.

Keep It Private

Never break up at a social gathering or event. A breakup can feel like a stab in his pride and it may take him some time to digest his feelings before he is ready to be in public with it.

Talk together about how you are going to handle the breakup, including status changes on social media and so forth.

Talk About Your Feelings

Being honest with your boyfriend and telling him exactly how you feel is always the best way to go.

If it is true, then you can tell him that you just don’t feel the same way as you once did and although you think he is a great guy, you just don’t feel that the two for you are right together. At the end of the day, no one can argue with your feelings as that’s just the way you feel.

What If You Love Someone Else?

If you are in love with someone else then in most cases, it isn’t necessary to tell him about this, as this will only hurt him more. Be tactful and let him down gently in a way that both of you will be able to respect each other’s feelings and opinions and move on.

Once you have spoken about your feelings, then he may also be likely to want to talk about his. Be willing to listen openly to what he has to say and show that you do care about how he feels.

Related Article: How To Heal After A Breakup

Saying It Gently

The way that you bring up the feelings that you are having and how you talk about the breakup can have a major impact on how he feels when it all takes place.

If you would like to do it gently, there are words and phrases during your approach that may work better than others. For example, instead of just stating that you want to breakup straight off the bat, you may want to try to pull a few things out of him by seeing if he has noticed that there are things that are not perhaps right in the relationship. If you are able to get him to see that the pairing is not quite what it should be, you may even have a chance to get him on board with the idea during the conversation.

When the breakup happens, if the two of you want to remain, friends, you need to be able to give him some space so that he can get over it. The two of you need to move on, which is something that could be difficult to do if you are still bumping into each other everywhere you go.

You may also want to read our article on meeting up with your ex after you have broken up.

One Last Kiss/Night Together

When breaking up, some guys seem to think it is appropriate to ask for one last kiss or even a final night together. This is never a good idea and will only confuse the two of you and drag things out for even longer.

Once you have made your decision that you definitely want to end things, then that needs to be it. Stay strong and true to your decision and not only will the breakup be a smoother process, but he will also respect you more for it in the long run.

With all that being said, a final hug is okay, but nothing more.

The Aftermath

Always be prepared to stop with the calling and texting during this time of healing after the breakup. Even though you may be the one doing the breaking up you will also likely be hurting a little too if it has been a particularly significant or lengthy relationship.

If the two of you are really meant to remain, friends, you will know it soon enough, and if you are able to ensure this break, you will see that the friendship is worth the effort. Our article on when to get in contact after breaking up may also provide you with some useful information on this.

Getting Over a Breakup – How To Heal In 11 Ways

woman-cryingKnowing how to get over a breakup is not the easiest thing for most people. In fact, breaking up is more than hard to do, it’s ultimately a devastating experience few people get through easily.

If you’ve broken up with someone, you were truly in love with, then life may be a bumpy road for the near future. However, there is or will be a light at the end of that dark tunnel, telling you everything will be okay eventually.

Time is a great healer and sometimes that is the best thing that we can do; just allow ourselves time. However, this article will also give you eleven things you can do to heal after a breakup.

How To Get Over A Bad Breakup

1. Cry Like A Baby!

Yes, crying is good for you, but not necessarily if you’re balling your way through a day of work or weeping at every mention of your ex’s name. These outbursts usually only happen because you’re holding too much in, so give yourself permission to cry and just let it happen when and where you can do so freely.

In the tub or shower can be a great designated crying zone, as nobody else is around and you’re in the water, so you won’t need to reach for a thousand tissues.

If you’re really struggling to get over it and need a way to put it behind you, to heal and move on for good then take a look at Penny Price’s 5 key principles to get over your ex.

Penny Price has devised a strategy for getting over an ex as quickly as possible and come out the other side feeling emotionally stronger than before. Penny discovered these principles from her own experiences of going through an agonizing breakup.

To listen to what Penny has to say, click here now.

2. Accept That It’s Over

If you definitely know it’s over the one of the worst ways of dealing with an ended relationship is to hold out hope when there really isn’t any.

Unfortunately, people waste a lot of time and heartache waiting for their ex to change their mind, forgive them or give up on someone new they’ve found. This is a self-torturing, misguided approach and it only prolongs your pain.

Let it be for now and work on getting over it; if something should change in the future and you do find yourself together again, so be it – so long as it’s a healthy relationship and reuniting is the right thing for you to do.

See Also: Meeting Up With Your Ex Boyfriend After The Breakup

3. Give Yourself A Time Schedule To Heal

woman sitting on the sofa watching tv trying to get over her ex boyfriend after a breakupAny expert will tell you that healing is a necessity in life, no matter what the cause of your pain is; however, to ensure that you do get on with your life in due time, it’s important to set a time limit. For example, tell yourself, your friends and your family that you want to think things over and allow your feelings to completely filter out of you for a few weeks, then see how you feel.

At that point, if you’re still having a hard time keeping it together then it’s okay to push “normalcy” off for another couple of weeks, but try to stop yourself there. (You’ve got a lot of fun living to do at some point!)

4. Stop Listening To Sad Songs

While mourning is healthy, moping is not. Avoid the same old sad songs, as they’ll keep you wallowing in self-pity forever. Try new genres or listen to old classics you loved when you were growing up.

Putting on some upbeat tracks will help to lift your spirits and raise your hopes for the good things to come.

King of Anything, by Sara Bareilles, is a great song to listen to after a breakup. Here it is if you wanna give it a listen right now, then come back to this article after you’re done.

5. Look Forward To Loving Again

Someday (maybe not as soon as you’d like or are ready for) you will find love again, and that’s something well worth looking forward to with a little bit of inhibition right now.

Understand that you need to heal and find yourself again, but there will come a time when your heart skips a beat at the mere sight of someone again, which is an exciting thought.

You may not be able to see it right now, but there are always several positive things that come out of a break up, it can sometimes just take a little time to see them.

6. Change Your Apartment

Most especially if you and your ex lived together where you are now, a little redecorating is definitely in order. Slap a fresh coat of paint on the walls, toss up new curtains and remove EVERYTHING that reminds you of the heartache.

It is also a good idea to throw out or give away things that he gave you that remind you of him. All the while those items are in your home, you will have constant reminders of him.

Put away any pictures of the two of you and allow that chapter to close once and for all.

See also: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Sends You A Text

7. Get Advice From People Who Have Been There

Sometimes it really helps to talk to someone who has also been through what you are going through. You may have a friend who has felt the exact pain that you are experiencing. If so, get together with them and have a chat about how you are feeling and ask them what they did that helped them get over it.

Listening to other people’s stories of how they suffered a bad breakup but came out the other side a much stronger and happier person can really help to lift your spirits and give you some good advice on how you can also do the same as quickly as possible.

Penny Price is one such person who suffered a devastating breakup from a four year marriage that came without any warning. Left in a state of shock and heart break, Penny managed to rebuild her life and come out a stronger person at the end of it. From this experience she discovered five key principles to getting over a breakup, which you can learn about by clicking here.

8. Buy A Few New Outfits

If your budget allows, fancy yourself up a little bit. This will give you confidence and just plain cheer you up because shopping is fun!

If needed, check out a local second-hand shop or ask a friend who has great fashion sense to make a few trades with you.

New clothes always feel good and can help to represent new beginnings to yourself on a sub-conscious level.

women-shopping

9. Hang Out With Old Friends

While it’s best to avoid mutual friends you had with your ex, it will be fabulous for you to visit and talk with people you’re exclusively close to, like a friend from school or a sibling. Hang out more and confide all that they’ll tolerate listening to!

Arranging a spa day with a close friend or group of friends and allowing yourself to be pampered is a great way to make yourself feel good.

10. Analyze And Then Celebrate Your Independence

The period right after a breakup is a good time to gather your strength and examine your ability to handle life all by yourself.

Were you perhaps too dependent on your ex? Do you feel like you can’t make a simple decision now? Maybe you need to grow a little bit from the inside out and develop a stronger sense of self and independence before moving onto another relationship. It will be for your good in the long run.

Once you have gotten passed that, also make the most of your independence and do all the things that you just weren’t able to while you were in a relationship. Catch up with old friends, stay up late now and again with a good movie or maybe even start a new hobby, sport or an evening class that you always wanted to.

Now is the time to take advantage of your freedom and see what else life has to offer.

See also: When Should You Contact Your Ex

11. Seek Professional Help If You Can’t Get Over It

Don’t let yourself linger in woe for too long, as that can lead to a case of real and serious depression. If you’re in a daze, not into anything the way you once were and people are telling you you’re acting a lot differently, consider talking to a professional if this goes on too long.

No one deserves to suffer needlessly, so if you feel like you need the extra help don’t be afraid to ask for it.

Don’t feel silly or overly emotional because you’re having a hard time getting over a breakup; you are only human after all. The heart is a delicate territory, and you need to nurture it, in order for the healing process to begin.

If you need to know more then discover the five key principles to getting over a breakup here.

What To Do If You Think Your Ex Doesn’t Want To Get Back Together (And You Do)

girl thinking of her ex boyfriendWhat a fun situation to be in… you really want to get back together with your ex-boyfriend, and yet, he doesn’t seem to want to get back together with you.

Maybe he doesn’t think it’s a good idea because of how things ended; maybe he doesn’t feel the same way about you that he used to… You can analyze the reasons and try to figure it out forever, but this will not help you. Here is what will help yoo.

No Contact

What I mean by “no contact” is that for 30 days, you make it a point not to contact him. Whether you just got over a breakup or broke up a while ago, you still need this month for yourself, to get yourself into a headspace where you will be more likely to make him want to get back together with him.

The problem with contacting your ex right now is that you are going to be in an emotional state (not to say you won’t be in an emotional state in a month, but there is a good reason for taking this “time out,” because you will be “doing things” that unknowingly make it less and less likely for him to want to get back together. (For more on how to make him want to get back together with you, check out my full article on the subject).

Related Article: How You Can Get Over The Breakup

Work On Yourself

What do I mean by “work on yourself?” There are two parts of this, making mindset/lifestyle shifts and the “physical” area of life.

So I will begin with the mindset shifts.

Drop the Neediness

Neediness means you “need” him to get back together with you in order to feel OK. This mindset is actually going to turn him off from the idea of getting back together with you.

When you genuinely drop this mindset, what happens is you end up giving off a totally different vibe… one that is happy, pleasant and going to make him want to be around you more and more.

You cannot pretend not to be needy. You have to actually accept that even if he does not get back together with you, you will be OK.

See also: Text Your Ex Boyfriend Back Into a Relationship With You

Realize There are Other Men Out There

girl upset after a break upI am not saying go out and date a million men or to go out constantly. But what I am saying is just to have some fun flirting, maybe keeping the idea of there being other men out there open.

Don’t be so fixated on your ex that you don’t notice all the other men out there. If anything, going out and having fun with other men will simply help you feel desirable and wanted again (after your ex not wanting to get back together has probably left you feeling undesirable and unwanted).

This is a massive mindset shift that will make you much more attractive to your ex when you know that you are desirable and have options. Options give you the freedom of knowing you have a choice. This affects your vibe and will help when you end up talking to your ex again.

Go Out With Friends

Going out with friends is a good way to have fun, laugh and get your mind off him. This is going to help you drop the needy mindset and put you in a much better mental state.

This will mean that when you do end up talking to him, you give off a fun, happy vibe rather than a bad vibe (a needy one).

Adopt a Hobby

Is there a hobby you used to do that you stopped? Start it again! Is there something you have always wanted to do and pursue but haven’t? Pursue it! Occupy your time and this will help you be in a much better state of mind.

Physical

These changes are to make you look and feel your best. Make a concerted effort to focus on being as in shape as possible, make healthy eating choices, spend time on your makeup, get a new hairstyle or go to the salon for a fun color change… focus on looking your best.

I am not saying this to be rude or insulting… I am simply giving you what is most effective when it comes to giving yourself the best shot of getting him back.

So after a month, you can contact him with your non-needy vibe, you will be looking and feeling your best… and it will come across to him.

And if it does not end up working out, you will be OK. You cannot force anyone to like you, and you are better off waiting for someone new who likes you for who you are.

The Top 7 Signs You Should Get Back Together With Your Ex

a man and woman laying on a bedA lot of the time, it’s hard to tell whether you should get back together with your ex.

Sure, you might miss your ex a lot, but is that a good enough reason to get back together?

This article will give you the top signs that you should get back together with your ex, so you can know whether it’s a good idea or not.

7 Signs You Should Get Back With Your Ex Boyfriend

Sign #1: You Are Both Single (or ready to be single)

This is an obvious one but it’s certainly relevant and important to think about.

If he is in a serious relationship or if you are in a serious relationship this is obviously going to make it less likely that you will even be able to get back together… unless one or both of you are ready to leave the current relationship you’re in.

If you are both single, though, this is a much easier situation. This is going to make things a lot simpler and easier.

Related Article: Getting Over A Breakup

Sign #2: Change Has Happened

What do I mean by change?

Well, what I mean is… Something obviously lead to the breakup in the first place, right?

So for getting back together to be a good idea under any circumstance… It’s important that either one or both of you have made the necessary changes (within yourselves) that’ll allow the relationship to actually be successful this time.

Sign #3: You’re Doing It For The “Right” Reasons

Now, here’s an important distinction I want to make when it comes to what your reasons are for wanting to get back with your ex.

It’s common that after a breakup, you’re going to miss the person you were with and seeing them with someone else might make you jealous and angry. (If you’re looking to make your ex miss you a lot, this article on Vixen Daily contains my best advice).

Or maybe you regret your choice and feel as if you won’t be able to do better than them. Or maybe you’re alone and it terrifies you so you want to jump back into the safety of an old relationship. These are all BAD reasons.

Good reasons are that you realized you are genuinely compatible, that you truly do like him for who he is not who you want him to be. This is a good reason.

It has to be based on a genuine liking for him, not an intense jealous emotion or some kind of fear based decision you make because you don’t want to be alone.

Sign #4: When You Do Talk To Each Other, It’s Pleasant

a couple talkingNow, this is making the assumption that you do communicate with your ex in some way… Because, well, if you don’t, how can you know whether or not you should get back together?

The short answer is you can’t.

So before even thinking about the notion of getting back together, it’s extremely important to simply see what it’s like to talk to him and spend time with him.

Does it feel good, effortless and natural? Then that’s a good sign you should get back together.

Does it feel forced, confrontational and uncomfortable? This is obviously going to indicate that you shouldn’t get back together.

See also: How To Get Back With Your Ex If He Has A New Girlfriend

Sign #5: You Genuinely Miss Each Other

If you genuinely miss each other, it’s a good sign that you should get back together.

Now, often right after a relationship ends it’s natural to miss your ex way more intensely. And when the breakup is fresh, your ex will miss you much more intensely as well.

However, that’s not a strong sign that you should get back together. That’s because right after a breakup emotions are at their most intense, and it’s good to sit back and get perspective before you make a decision.

Missing each other is only a sign you should get back together if you genuinely miss each other after enough time has passed to get over the initial shock of the breakup.

If you genuinely miss each other even then, it’s a good sign you should get back together.

See also: Signs A Shy Guy Likes You

Sign #6: One (Or Both Of You) Have Forgiven Each Other

a girl thinking about her exNow, I don’t know exactly why you broke up. But a huge problem that ends up coming up when a couple tries to get back together is… how to forgive.

Now, it could be about anything. Maybe it was the flirtatious behavior one of you refused to stop exhibiting.

Maybe it was the way he wouldn’t respond to your texts. Maybe it was how your ex wouldn’t make time for you or you wouldn’t make time for your ex.

I could go on forever with a million different possible reasons for what could lead to resentment and require forgiveness… But the reasons are not what matters.

What’s important is whether either both of one of you can truly forgive the other if there’s any kind of unspoken resentment or anger or negative emotion that’s festering.

If forgiveness isn’t possible, getting back together isn’t a good idea. It will only lead to huge problems down the line.

Sign #7: The Reason Behind The Breakup

Any time I am asked whether someone should get back together with their ex, I always ask: what was the reason for the breakup?

Was it because you were literally constantly arguing and both of you were so miserable being together was more suffering than fun? Was it because someone cheated? Was it because life circumstances got in the way?

You really need to think about what the reasons for the breakup were when thinking about whether getting back together makes sense or not.

For example, if you were long distance and that ruined your relationship… What will change this time? Is someone going to relocate? Are you going to come up with a solid plan to see each other as often as possible and re-establish trust?

Or if someone cheated… Rebuilding trust can be an impossibly hard task. It’s certainly possible to fix but extremely difficult. So you really have to think about whether the issues you had are fixable.

Related Article: How To Move On After The Breakup

About the author

Nick Bastion is a dating and relationships expert with over 10 years of experience helping men and women have the love lives they’ve always wanted. You can find more of his writing at vixendaily.com in the Love and Relationships section.

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