The dating world can already be a complicated place and now we have the added element of texting and social media to (sometimes) make dating seem more difficult.
If you are dating and finding yourself unsure of how to communicate via text, I’m about to help you out in this article.
If you’re in a hurry then you can watch this video by renowned relationship expert Amy North, and get the exact text messages that will build a connection and make him want you.
Be open to the concept of blackout times
One of the biggest mistakes that people make when they start texting someone new is they instantly become a texting slave, being at the other person’s beck-and-call. This is not only exhausting for you, but it is unattractive.
While I do not support playing games, I do support having a savvy strategy. Blackout times in the texting world means that you go through periods of times where you DO NOT text at all. You do not initiate and you do not respond (or depending on the situation, you may respond, but you take a while too).
The most common blackout times are: during the majority of the workday, on Friday nights (unless you scheduled a date with the person you’re texting), arguably all day on Saturday (day and night; again unless you scheduled a date), and Sunday up until about 6 or 7 pm.
Here’s the theory: during the work day, you have responsibilities and even if you can be on your phone all day, it will make you more attractive if it seems like you are so busy and needed at work. You don’t have time to be glued to your phone – which is a good thing! It makes you seem busy and interesting.
On the weekends, you have plans with friends. Unless you have plans for a date in which case texting may take place to confirm or coordinate logistics, you are NOT on your phone. You are present with whoever you are spending time with… and if realistically you are home on your couch, there is nothing wrong with that.
What is key is pretending like you aren’t sitting around thinking about that person. Keep yourself busy and interesting (or pretending to be) so he will wonder what you’re up to!
Find a healthy balance
Find a healthy balance of waiting to respond versus responding immediately. With the idea that you are busy (either at work because you’re important or in your social life because you’re loved), chances are that you are not going to respond within seconds.
A healthy balance to keep in mind is 80/20. 80% of the time, wait a bit to answer and have your waiting periods vary from a couple of minutes to a couple of hours. 20% of the time you can respond immediately or pretty quickly.
Keep in mind that when you do wait, try to switch it up and try not to exceed a long period of time often. Think of it this way: respond in two minutes (20% of your time), respond in 15 minutes (80% of your time), respond in 2 minutes (20%), respond in 45 minutes (80%), respond in an hour (80%), respond in 20 minutes (80%), respond in 2 minutes (20%).
Make your patterns unpredictable, but don’t overthink it. The truth (hopefully) is that this comes easily because you are hopefully actually busy at work and in your social life! And, if that isn’t true for you, maybe it’s time to reevaluate how you’re spending your time.
Show your fun side
Showing your quirky, funny, easy-going side to him through your texts can be a lot of fun. When you are engaging in conversation, take a deep breath and relax! Try to sneak in a joke, utilize funny gifs or memes, and be light-hearted! Think about the funny/entertaining/interesting people who you enjoy talking to and be that person, but also… be yourself!
DO NOT complain
Another HUGE mistake that many people make in texting conversations is they don’t know what to say, so they spend time complaining – about work, traffic, the weather, etc. DO NOT. I repeat, DO NOT do this.
It takes practice to resist the temptation to complain, but this is never going to end well for you, just as you should not be listening to someone else complain about mundane things.
If you don’t have anything interesting, thoughtful, or funny to say, do not say it at all. Complaining will make any guy run, guaranteed.
Related article: What you need to know to make him want you with texts
Remember, his friends might see your text
When texting your guy, bear in mind that he might not be alone when you send it and depending on what you send him he may show his friends.
This is even more reason to make sure you send him the right texts so not only does he think you’re hot, but his friends do too.
Why do you want his friends to also think you’re hot and not a dork?
Because if they think you’re a cool, sexy chic they’ll be saying things to him like, “ah man, you’re so lucky! Go for it, bro!”
If he gets this kind of signals from his buddies then he’ll be 10x more likely to start chasing you to make sure he gets you and not someone else.
However, if you send the wrong text or one that’s just a bit lame then if he shows his friends and they tease him that he’s texting a dork then you’ll probably be out’a there and you’ll likely not hear from him again.
BIG TEXTING HACK: To get the exact text messages to send him so he not only perceives you as a cool chic and someone he wants to get to know, but the messages that will spark a strong sense of attraction and desire in him, watch this short video here.
Never ask him to entertain you
Similarly to complaining and in light of the fact that you are a busy girl, you do not need a man to entertain you and you especially do not need him to entertain you through texts. Let him entertain you by bringing you on a date.
Never ever, no matter how bored you might actually be, ask him to entertain you. It’s unattractive and juvenile. You’re better than that.
Related article: How to text dirty to your man in 8 simple steps
Do not double text
Another rookie mistake. If you send him the same text twice, he should run. If you send a text that he doesn’t respond to and then follow up trying to continue the conversation, this also is a no-go. Conversations sometimes die off or sometimes there isn’t anything to respond to.
Wait for him to continue or move on from it. Do not send more than one text at a time in the beginning. Once you’re in a relationship that changes, but at first do not double text.
Provide responses that elicit a response
In order to help avoid having to double text, provide messages that elicit a response. Keep them open-ended or ask questions. Try to provide more meaningful responses other than “k” or “that’s cool” or “nice”. Ask questions about the topic or offer experiences you’ve had that you can relate with.
Related article: Text flirting with a guy – what you need to know
Ask hi fun questions with your texts, but not too many. Ask questions to show interest. Ask him about his family, his friends, work, travel, hobbies. Find out about this person you’re engaging with and be genuine! But, do not overdo it. Asking too many questions can seem overwhelming and can make him feel like you’re his mother.
If he is not reciprocating with questions consider letting this one go because he clearly is not interested in getting to know the person you are.
Stick to these strategies, show your true colors, and remember to have fun and you will continue to keep guys interested through texts!