American Dating Society

a woman thinking about contacting her ex boyfriendBreaking up with someone can be a difficult and confusing thing, especially when there has been a long and meaningful history between the two of you.

If you are the one that got ditched, then the chances are highly likely that you will have a lot of unanswered questions. Why did he leave? What did I do wrong? And so on…

Does he miss you? Click here to learn the #1 factor that brings ex-boyfriends back.

You are probably feeling the pain of missing your ex in some way and may at times continue to do so over the coming months or even years.

However, feeling like you miss your ex can even occur if you were the one to have finished the relationship with him. A few burning questions that may be on your mind are likely to be;

‘Should I contact him?’

‘When should I contact him?’

‘How should I contact him?’

These are some really important questions that you need the answers to.

However, firstly, if you are still in the first 30 days of your break-up with him then you should stick to the ‘no contact’ rule, which is basically to have no contact with him whatsoever for this initial 30 day period.

If however, you have gone past this initial no contact phase and you still want to get back together with him, then there is one question that is more important than all of the above three questions put together. This question is, ‘Does he also want me back?’

If this question is on your mind then you need to take action now and discover for yourself if he secretly wants you back.

A fast way to find out is to take the Three Step Test to discover his feelings for you. The Three Step Test was developed by nationally recognized relationships and dating coach, Mirabelle Summers, who discovered this highly accurate method by interviewing specific clients who had successfully gotten back together with their partners despite going through a crushing break-up.

You can use Mirabelle’s method right now to discover his true feelings for you and to find out if you genuinely have a chance of getting back together with him. Take the Three Step Test.

Do you really want to give it another go with him?

So, once you have discovered if he does in fact secretly want to get back together with you, then you should carefully investigate your feelings to determine if you do truly want him back for the right reasons.

If you find you still have feelings for him, and you sincerely want to give it another go, then you should find a way to let him know. This will give the two of you the much needed encouragement to connect again.

Understanding his feelings and discovering if he still wants to be with you is critically important. If you don’t find out if there is still a chance for the two of you, then you will regret it forever. You may miss out on being with the person you are truly meant to be with.

If not too much time has passed and your relationship didn’t finish because of something that deeply violated his values, such as breaking his trust, then you may well be in with a good chance to get back with your ex.

Are you just looking for some short-term fun?

couple having sexual fun togetherHaving some fun with your ex certainly has its appeal, but it can also be a slippery slope that can end in disaster.

If this is your reason for wanting to get back in touch with your ex-boyfriend then firstly consider the consequences.

Feelings should come first so consider who may get hurt if it doesn’t go the way you hope. Which one of you did the breaking up? If it was you, how badly was he hurt and how sensitive is he? Sleeping with him again when you have no intention of continuing things long-term will just screw with his head.

If he was the one that finished the relationship, how do you truly feel now? Are you over the emotional pain that usually comes with the breakup experience? Will you be able to handle it if you start to develop feelings for him again, and he doesn’t want to get back together with you long term?

If you feel you are back in control and will not get attached emotionally then, some ex-sex can be exciting and enjoyable for you both.

So, if you are wanting to have some short-term fun with him, or even if you genuinely want to get back into a long-term relationship but you want the sex to be better than it ever has been before and you want to satisfy him in a way that no other woman has, then you should learn the Language of Desire before the two of you become intimate again.

Learning the Language of Desire will re-invigorate your sex life with a new passion, teach you all the secrets about men’s sexual fantasies and tell you exactly what you need to say and do to drive him crazy for you and to get him loving you more passionately than ever before. You can learn about the Language of Desire here.

You just want to say ‘hey’ because you genuinely care how he is doing

If you no longer have feelings for your ex and just want to contact him to say ‘hey’, and find out how he is doing because you genuinely care then there is nothing wrong with that.

However, before you do so, consider the circumstances of the breakup and how were things left between the two of you. If things were left on a bad note, then you may want to proceed with caution.

If you were the one who dumped him, how did he take it? If he was hurt badly, then there may still be some open wounds and seeing you again may be difficult for him.

If, however, things ended on a not so bad note then getting in contact to say hi and find out how he is may turn out to be a nice and pleasant experience for both of you.

You don’t know why you miss him and want to see him

You may also be feeling confused as to why you miss your ex if you know you do not want to be in a relationship with him. When these feeling occur it can sometimes cause us to wonder if we do want to be with them or not and if seeing them again will make things clearer.

If you are feeling this way, then chances are it may not necessarily be ‘them’ specifically that you miss. Instead, it may be one or two characteristics or qualities of their character that you particularly like which enable you to feel a certain way.

To figure this out, rather than thinking about all the good qualities and characteristics that he displays, turn the attention towards yourself. Get clear on the kinds of feelings that he use to evoke in you that you liked.

Doing this helps you to discover the ‘values’ that are really important to you in a relationship. For example, if you were always doing fun things together or laughing a lot but this is now absent from your life then a ‘sense of fun’ may be the value that he was bringing that you are now missing.

A few other values that can be important to someone in a relationship can be ‘a sense of security’, ‘a sense of adventure’, ‘a sense of learning and personal growth’ or ‘meaningful communication’, to name but a few.

When you figure out what it is that is important to YOU in a relationship regarding VALUES, (which are not necessarily dependent on the person) then you will start to see that those values are also things that you can experience with someone else.

Therefore, you may not necessarily be missing your ex at all, but rather some of the experiences that he could bring to you. Knowing this will help you to choose more wisely in the future as you can start to look for someone who fulfills similar values in you.

See also: Getting Over The Breakup – What You Need To Do

Final thoughts

Meeting up with your ex boyfriend can be nice if the two of you can still get along. If it looks like sex may still be on the table, then proceed with caution. Does it look like it may get messy in the emotional sense? If so then it may not be the best idea. However, if the two of you are mature enough to respect each other and the situation for what it is then you both may enjoy connecting with each other on a physical level only.

Get clear on why you are wanting to meet up with your ex-boyfriend and make sure your are doing it for the right reasons. Use this opportunity to discover more about yourself and take a closer look at the good and the bad of that relationship.

Understanding what is important to you regarding the values of the relationship as opposed to the characteristics of the person will help you to find a more suitable partner in the future.

If you discover that you do truly want to be with him the take the opportunity right now to find out if he still secretly wants to get back together with you by taking Mirabelle Summer’s Three-Step Test.

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