So often quality women feel “less than” because of the lack of validation from a man and they wonder – what makes a man commit? If you are feeling like you are in this situation, continue reading below to understand the male psychology of love and get him committing to you and the relationship.
Work on being a whole, complete person
It is absolutely essential for you to take the time you need before being in a long-term relationship to make sure that you have healed from any situations of the past and to be sure to establish being comfortable being alone before you can ever start being in a relationship with someone else. You must first be in a relationship with yourself to learn the things you love, the things you don’t, what your expectations are of those around you, what your boundaries and limits are, your interests, your strengths, and your weaknesses. You must be complete without another person first. When you operate this way it will radiate through everything you do, which will draw the right men to you.
See also: Ways to make him fall in love with you
Being genuine goes such a long way in every relationship, romantic or not. When you have an ulterior motive, you will display signs of ingenuity and people will undoubtedly pick up on that. That’s why many women who find themselves being passive-aggressive have a tendency to push people away because it’s unattractive. Being genuine doesn’t mean that you’re always rainbows and butterflies. It means you’re honest with yourself and those around you. There are no guessing games. You are straightforward with your thoughts and feelings without being aggressive or harsh about it. People do not have to wonder about you or wonder if what you’re saying is actually what you mean because you say it how it is and you do so with style, class, and elegance. Most men hate guessing games and they hate passive-aggressiveness. Just be straight to the point and he will appreciate your sincerity and conviction, even if it might not be what he wants to hear.
Related article: 12 signs your man really loves you
This concept is wildly underrated. Just be nice! Don’t be too nice to the point where you’re walking around like Polly-Anna seeming fake, but remember that kindness goes a long way. Speak to everyone you encounter with respect and dignity. Treat others equally, regardless of their status or “significance”. Just be a nice person. Be caring and supportive, understanding and validating. Don’t overdo it and don’t act in a way that feels unnatural. Make the choice to display kindness and make sure you first are kind to yourself! A healthy, well-adjusted man will always be drawn to a warm, kind, loving woman because kindness is nurturing and represents care-taking and support.
He wants to take care of you and he will, but he knows he doesn’t have to. This is an extremely attractive quality for a man in today’s day and age because it makes him less pressured to have to take care of both himself AND you. When he knows that he is with a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman he can rely on you too. This is the ideal team relationship for two people. However, the more independent you are, the more he will WANT to take care of you and court you – be sure to let him do this. If you are TOO independent, it can be considered as “too masculine” for him, which can be unattractive. Let him take you out, open the door for you, show his chivalrous side, pay for dinner, take you shopping, etc. But, make sure he knows that you can do all of those things on your own and you appreciate his wanting to do them for you instead.
Show interest in his family if he introduces you, in spending time with his friends, in hearing about his hobbies and his interests. When men feel like you care about the things that are important to him, he will see the value in you. Again, make sure that you are genuine about this because if you truly don’t care, he will eventually see through that and it’ll crush his ego.
See also: What men want in a relationship
Set expectations and boundaries
Set expectations and boundaries in a considerate, respectful way. One of the most attractive qualities in another person is their ability to establish and communicate their expectations of themselves and others, as well as their boundaries that they set. Expectations and boundaries are extremely important to establish, yet people often do not consciously do so. It is important to know what you will and will not tolerate and what you expect (reasonably) from others. Someone who possesses this knowledge is attractive in his or her confidence. However, keep in mind that being TOO firm can also work against you. While it is essential to stay true to values, it is also important to be flexible without compromising your integrity.
Related article: Keeping your man interested long-term
Be open with yourself and the relationship. Be open to trying new things, learning and having new experiences. Not only is this a great quality to have individually as it will help you to grow and become more well-rounded, but it is also a great quality that makes you more attractive. When people are too rigid, they are often viewed as insecure or difficult. Being open is beneficial to you as an individual and it is also helpful in attracting the right kind of person for commitment.
While it is important to work on yourself and be flexible and open-minded, it is also important to protect yourself from people who have their own situations to work through that are separate from you, despite your greatest efforts. Know your value, continue to improve your worth by refining yourself in every aspect, and most importantly: know when to walk away. Be proud, be confident, and protect yourself when someone is not able to commit because of issues that have nothing to do with you.
Suzanne is a certified counselor with 6 years of experience working with individuals of diverse backgrounds and age groups. In addition to working full time as a School Counselor servicing students ages K-12, Suzanne began a side business in 2014 geared toward providing relationship and individual counseling services for adult clientele. She has worked with an extensive range of individuals helping them gain insight, foster changes, and continue to grow. She has acquired a wealth of information about relationships through her professional and personal endeavors and finds great value in sharing what she has learned.