If you’re in a relationship with a guy but it hasn’t yet progressed to marriage then you propably already know that getting a man to marry you isn’t always an easy thing. In fact, this scenario may already be familiar to you: You are in a relationship with someone who you love and who you see a future with. You may be at a point where you are fully ready for the next step of marriage, or if you aren’t quite ready yet, you may be thinking along those lines of moving forward at some point in the near future. Below are some tips to guide you toward getting your man to marry you when you are ready.
Work on yourself
Whether you are in a relationship or not, the most important thing you can do is to continually improve yourself in every aspect. Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat (mostly) healthy foods, get enough sleep, put your best foot forward with your career, practice emotional regulation, invest time into your social world, and dedicate time to hobbies. I firmly believe that the most attractive people are the ones who are the most well-rounded. If you are single, you will attract higher quality people by being a higher quality person yourself. If you are in a relationship, you will hold the interest of your partner and you will display the value you offer as an individual, which in turn, will make them want to lock it down with you. If you are in a committed relationship with the hope of marriage coming around the corner this is even more important because any doubts or hesitancy your partner may be experiencing (which is all very normal), will be easily removed when they are continually reminded of how great you are and how much you continue to grow and become even better.
See also: The signs that a proposal is coming
Connect with his family
Connect with his family and put real, genuine effort into this. Marriage truly extends beyond marrying the person you will call your husband; it involves marrying his family and closest friends as well. If you truly love this person, be open minded with accepting all of these people, flaws and all. Connecting with his family and/or closest friends will be monumental in his decision to marry you. If you think that these people do not have a say in his decision-making, you are mistaken. Try to put any judgments and feelings to the side and try your best to be accepting of everyone who is near and dear to him. If you do not have to worry about difficult relationships, good for you! Embrace them all – good, bad, and indifferent with open arms and understand that these people will play a vital role in your life.
Have a conversation early on
The first thing you MUST do in your relationship is to establish your future goals. Have a conversation to gauge if marriage is a goal for you both. Then, follow up with: do you both want kids? How many? Where do you want to settle down, if you want to at all? This information is absolutely vital for both of you to determine if your goals are aligned or at least, similar. If you both have different visions of the future, you may need to consider if this relationship has the potential of continuing further. Find this information out early on.
Related article: 5 steps to getting your marriage proposal
Not to be confused with being aggressive, but it is important to be clear about what your expectations are as this will go a long way to protecting against needing to save your marriage later on. Also be fair in your expectations. Be sure that before considering marrying someone that you both are on the same page with your long-term goals. Once you have that established, it is important for both of you to take the time to get to know each other. It takes many years to truly know someone, so do yourself a favor and take the time without rushing into anything.
Once you feel confident that this is the person you want to be with, communicate those feelings. Share with them that a goal of yours is to be married and if you have a time frame in mind, share that with them as well. When you share this, be open to flexibility. For example, say that you tell your partner you want to be engaged by the end of the year; it may be reasonable to be flexible in that by a year and a half to two years.
Meet your partner where he is
Understand his goals, his expectations, what he wants for himself long term and discuss those things. For men, it is typical that he will hesitate because of finances or career goals. Have an open conversation about his concerns, hesitations, and yours as well. Try to find a happy medium that makes you both comfortable.
Meet each other halfway
Always, on everything – except for anything that compromises your core values. Compromise is an essential element of a happy, healthy relationship. When you have the conversation solidifying that you both want to get married and when you both decide that your relationship has great potential for marrying each other, meet each other halfway in terms of what that process will be like. Compromise on timing, finances, what the wedding day itself will look like, and what your future plans are. Express the things you want, but also be mindful and respectful of what your partner wants and meet each other halfway.
Once you have successfully accomplished the above tasks, you will be in a better position for marrying your husband to be. If you find that any of the above topics are an area of difficulty for you, try to be open-minded and understand the root cause of it. However, if you struggle with accomplishing the above tasks, you may have to reconsider if this is what you really want in the future.
Suzanne is a certified counselor with 6 years of experience working with individuals of diverse backgrounds and age groups. In addition to working full time as a School Counselor servicing students ages K-12, Suzanne began a side business in 2014 geared toward providing relationship and individual counseling services for adult clientele. She has worked with an extensive range of individuals helping them gain insight, foster changes, and continue to grow. She has acquired a wealth of information about relationships through her professional and personal endeavors and finds great value in sharing what she has learned.