So you met a guy and everything seemed to be going well between you. Or, at least that’s what you thought.
Then, as quickly as it had started it was all over and he was gone from your life.
We all know that when it comes to love and relationships, men and women think very differently. Anything from how to behave on the first date to when to sleep together, the perspectives are usually very different.
However, when a guy starts to pull away from a woman it’s usually for a very specific reason.
In this article, I am going to tell you about three BIG Mistakes that women are making that cause their man to pull away.
If you’re in a hurry and you just want to skip straight to the solution then watch this short demonstration video by relationship coach, Amy North. In this video, Amy shows you how to trigger a state of desire in a man’s mind more powerful than love.
While no two guys are exactly alike, they all have the same internal processes that cause them to feel states of connection, fascination, desire, lust and even love.
Once you know how to trigger these states of mind in your man at will, he will never want to leave you.
Now, without further ado, here are three BIG mistakes women make that push guy away.
Research has shown that a staggering 97% of women are unhappy with her body at least once every day. However, you shouldn’t show your insecurities to your man if you are in a new relationship.
Yes, you can relax and talk about your gym routine or your healthy eating habits with him. Just keep the insecurities under wraps until the two of you are really close. However, even then, you do not want them to come into your relationship too much or it will likely put him off.
If you are constantly asking him if you look fat or nagging whenever he talks to an attractive woman, then you’re running the risk of ruining your own relationship. Once your insecurities come out in the open, there is no turning back.
Don’t push him away with your self-doubts. Rather, you should show him how happy and in love with life you and he will soon become more drawn to you.
Here’s a good trick to get started. Pretend that every date you go with your man is actually your first one. On your first date, you would never let him see the bad things about you. You need to be confident about yourself and he will sense it too.
Yes, you might be happy when your man is around but after a while, he will also be able to sense the negativity if you go flat when he is not in the room.
If he finds out that he is the sole reason you are happy, he will eventually start pulling away.
This is because he will feel pressured to make you happy, which is not attractive to any guy.
It’s actually a huge responsibility for anyone, so don’t put that on him.
Rather than making him your sole source of happiness, you need to make the most out of your life.
Start by doing the things you love. If you are making yourself happy, you will not depend on him to remain content. Actually, it’s a good way to improve your relationship. Guys are attracted to women who have a passion outside of their relationship.
It can be playing the piano, singing, cycling or rock climbing. It doesn’t matter. If you have something else in your life besides him that makes your heart sing then he will love you all the more for it.
If you’ve read this far then you probably need as much insight as possible into what causes guys to pull away. I highly recommend you watch this short video by relationship coach, Amy North.
Here she tells you what causes guys to pull away from you and exactly what you need to do to spark a state of desire in him that will make him want to stick to you like glue. You can watch the video here.
Has there ever been a time that you were attracted to a man but you didn’t know why?
Maybe you even had some feelings for somebody you actually didn’t want to be attracted to?
Why on earth does this ever happen? How could you fall in love with someone even when your conscious mind actively resists it?
Experiences such as these are hints into the hidden world that drives our feelings of romantic attraction.
This hidden world is one all about emotional reactions. These emotional reactions are of course things we don’t control consciously.
The simple truth is that falling in love isn’t something that we choose to do. It’s actually kind of like getting thirsty. You never choose to actually get thirsty. You just happen to notice it. The stronger that your thirst gets, the harder it is to ignore it.
What if I were to tell you that there’s a sort of relationship ‘thirst’ that all men actually experience? It’s a kind of thirst which is impossible for them to quench on their own.
Do you want to know just what he is so thirsty for?
If you want to skip right to the answer, then you should check out this video which reveals how you can actually trigger his thirst for the very thing he craves and needs.
It will also show you just how to make sure you’re the only one he will depend on for satisfying this very powerful longing.
The Strangest Thing That Makes Him Adore You
Here’s why a man that’s in your life cannot tell you just what he craves the most from a relationship with you…
…He is too embarrassed to actually admit the truth.
That’s because the admission of his desire can actually wind up moving him even farther away from his goal.
This is why…
Imagine a woman that is frustrated that she has a man who never does a romantic thing for her. She winds up breaking down and explaining her desire to be pursued and romanced by him.
However, he acts as if she’s being unreasonable, and demanding her to name the one thing which is missing from their relationship.
So, she offers him a specific example. She tells him it’d be nice to get some flowers on occasion. Simple things just like that.
So, the very next day, he brings her some flowers.
But guess what?
There’s no magic in this gesture. It won’t feel special to get flowers if you actually had to request them.
It’s sort of like that in regards to men, except they have a totally different kind of relationship need. Men have an unquenchable thirst for admiration from you. He just can’t ask you for it.
How this plays out
Okay, here’s the picture…
He’s not going to tell you that he really likes you but…
“what’s missing in the relationship for me is you not admiring me enough. You seem to admire other men elsewhere in your life, which makes it really difficult for me to envision having a future with you.”
He’s never going to say that since men believe that admiration has to be earned. It’s like trying to get popular by telling the world that you’re cool. It just doesn’t work.
He’s only going to feel like he’s your hero if you wind up speaking the non-verbal language that is admiration. He’s got to read it for himself between the lines of the things you actually do and say.
Now, you could be thinking that this isn’t so crazy. You might understand why any man craves your admiration. However, if you’re thinking about this, then there’s something really important you should know.
Admiration isn’t just something that men crave. It’s that they can’t actually sustain an ‘in-love’ feeling unless the admiration is there.
Nothing will kill the attraction of a man faster than any relationship where he feels unneeded.
He needs to see himself as some kind of provider. Someone that is admired, desired and wanted by his lover because he has a value that he can offer.
If he doesn’t feel like he’s needed, then he feels emasculated, like he’s less of a man. That will kill his romantic drive.
What’s the worst part of all this?
You can’t just go about giving him admiration. It will only work when he actually believes he’s earned your respect, admiration, and trust.
However, there is some good news.
It can be both easy and even fun to let him actually earn your admiration once you figure out how you can set him up for success and you can find out exactly how to do it here.
Just find different ways to let him wind up being your hero. I should say at this point that there’s really an art form to doing this in ways that will make him crazy for you.
On the other hand, I’ve seen a woman wind up using this basic concept to wrap a man around her finger. I’m a guy, so I know what us guys need and respond to. However, it all boils down to this…
You have to trigger his innate hero instinct
If you can accomplish this, then you’ll be genuinely astonished by what will happen next.
He’ll get so loving, and so attentive, and so glaringly more interested in a long-term and committed relationship, that you’re never going to want things to wind up going back to how they previously were.
The hero instinct of a man is a subconscious drive that makes them gravitate towards those who make him actually feel like he’s a hero. It’s amplified even more in romantic relationships.
There are some life-changing ideas. For a romantic relationship, this is definitely one of them.
Triggering a man’s hero instinct is certainly one thing, but learning how to do it repeatedly means knowing a few more things.
One thing is that most women don’t actually need someone to come to rescue them. That’s particularly true in this modern era. Here’s the irony…
Men still need somebody to rescue. It’s built right into their DNA to look for relationships which allow them the chance to feel like they’re a provider.
This is one tiny distinction in the genetics of men and women that winds up making a huge difference in terms of what attracts men to women. He will feel drawn to women that let him step into a hero role. That’s because his natural instincts make him thirst for this role.
Here’s the great thing about it…
He will never know why he is feeling so drawn towards you. That’s why this is an under-the-radar method because it will trigger attraction subconsciously.
The tug of his emotions will be undeniable, but if his friend asks him why he has gotten so crazy about you, then he can’t put that into words.
Our feelings surrounding attraction dive into a hidden world. Now, you have the power to see the immense possibility in that hidden world, and it’s a possibility that you can control and influence and use.
It’s not just something chemists might see like oxytocin levels of the bonding hormone in the blood. Instead, you can see it all around once you know how you can spot it.
It’s a universal pattern of interactions between males and females.
Relationship experts have always known this existed, but they didn’t quite recognize how powerful this trigger is. This is a trigger that will drive his thirst to have companionship.
So, how can you use this trigger for building romance and passion?
The simplest way to do it is by translating your desires into things that speak directly to his innate urges to be your provider. He desires to love, protect, and serve. He desires to be your hero.
Finally, after weeks of scrolling and swiping through your favorite dating app, you met this amazing guy. You went out on a date, the sparks were flying, the conversation was flowing.
You might’ve even shared a brief “good night” kiss. It’s official: you’re definitely hooked, or at least, you’re interested in exploring where this new connection could go. While the first few weeks and months are easy to gauge a man’s level of interest in you, let’s be honest, sometimes it’s hard to keep a man interested in the long-game.
While clear communication and shared values should make your connection strong and built to last, in those moments of insecurity and doubt, there are some things you can do to help further the relationship along. Here are some tips on to keep a man interested in you.
3 Tips To Keep Him Interested In The Early Stages
Find Common Interests and Have Fun
Dating is all about connection, and how do we stay connected with our sweethearts? By spending time together. By doing activities that are fun, and allow our connection to grow and strengthen.
Find out something that he loves to do, and volunteer to do it with him. Maybe it’s playing soccer or going rock climbing. By taking an interest in his hobbies, you’ll be finding something that you both can enjoy together and he’ll also appreciate you more for wanting to be a part of his life.
Or maybe you can find a different type of activity that you both like to do together.
Whatever it is, try to schedule a common activity as part of your regular schedule. It will feel less like a “date night” where there might be added pressure and more like “fun time”. And when a man associates fun with you, he’ll feel closer to you and will definitely want to spend more time together.
Are you feeling something’s a little off with your guy?
One of the most popular reasons why you might be reading an article like this one is because you’re sensing some disconnect from him. You have crazy chemistry in person, but maybe he hasn’t been in touch with you for a few days. Maybe it’s been a week.
So you’re beginning to doubt whether or not he’s still into you. The best thing you can do in this situation is to relax, and give him space. Yes, even more space.
Dating expert Single John told a reader in a similar situation for Glamour that it’s completely normal for a guy to fall off the face of the earth once in a while. Maybe he’s genuinely busy with work, or maybe he’s less emotionally involved at the moment and is being (unfortunately) a little insensitive to your needs at this time. Translation: he’s hanging out with friends, lost in his own thing, and isn’t really thinking about you right now.
So if your man needs some space, then give it to him.
If he’s truly interested in you, he will be back around and will respect the fact that you gave him the time to sort his stuff out, and will be happy to reconnect with you once again. Of course, if he’s gone off in no man’s land for weeks without communication, then that’s your cue to reevaluate your connection. Is this someone that you can really get serious with?
Being scared that your new interest is going to find someone else more attractive than you or being worried they might become distracted by work and thus have little time to spend with you are things that are out of your control.
According to dating expert, Matthew Hussey, you can’t control someone but you can influence someone’s behavior.
And how do you do that?
By being great. By being your best self.
In a must-see video entitled “The Real Secret to Keeping Your Man”, Hussey says by focusing on growing as a person and becoming a more evolved version of yourself is the secret behind keeping a man interested.
Maybe it’s improving your communication skills or following your passion project, or just making more time to hang out with your friends.
Whatever it is, by committing to be the best person you can be, you’re spending less time worrying about how to keep a man interested in you, and more time on becoming more interesting.
Ultimately, to paraphrase Hussey, love wins. Love seals the deal. The connection is the connection. If there isn’t a genuine connection between you, one that is based on a shared feeling of respect, attraction and a willingness to learn and grow together — and, yes, love together — then there’s nothing that will keep a man interested. He’s either into you or he’s not.
The most important thing you can do is keep learning and focusing on becoming the best version of yourself. Because, one day, a man will find everything about you to be very attractive, and you won’t have a hard time keeping him interested at all.
Uh oh. You just got the “ping” you were secretly dreading/hoping for: the text from your ex.
Whether your breakup was amicable or not, the “ex text” is mostly inevitable. Sometimes the reach out is code for “are you still single?” Not so much because they want to get back together but because they’re nosy.
Other times it’s because they want to know how you’re doing and want to make sure you’re all right.
Most times the “ex text” is simply a habit reflex, and if your ex is bored and single, well, guess who comes to mind first?
If you receive a text from your ex, here’s what NOT to do.
Top 5 Mistakes To Avoid When Texting Your Ex Boyfriend
Don’t Text Back Right Away
While it might be tempting to text back right away – especially if you’re still harbouring feelings for your ex—your best bet is to cool your jets. Give yourself at least an hour or so before you respond. Why? Well, first you want to ensure you’re responding with thought to the message rather than impulsively reacting.
Do you want to text back? If so, what do you want to say? Take a moment to get really clear as to how healthy and productive an exchange with your ex would, or would not, be.
Plus, why not make ‘em sweat and remind them that you have a life that doesn’t revolve around them? Because you do!
Don’t Jump Into a Conversation Right Away
It’s easy to fall back into familiar patterns and want to engage with your ex in your routine banter but let’s remember something: you’re not together anymore, and that’s probably for a good reason.
Since your breakup, you have established boundaries and distance, and depending on how long it’s been since you’ve broken up, there might be some lingering and/or hurt feelings. It’s easy to get sucked into how you two interacted before but this is actually the moment to lean back.
Feel them out. Get clear as to their reasons for contacting you. Don’t be afraid to put your feelings, and your sense of security, first. If you have to ask them straight up, “Why are you contacting me?” do so.
If you’re still hurting from the breakup and have any remaining questions and loose ends you want to tie up, your first instinct might be to do just that. But the first contact isn’t the time or place to do that.
Your ex is contacting you for some reason, and it’s your priority to figure out why that is and for you to decide how you want to proceed from there.
Rehashing the breakup might cause more tension and hostility, and then you’ll find yourself at emotional trauma square one. Maybe your newfound connection can help you sort out your feelings about the breakup later. Until then, try to keep your thought and emotions on an even keel. Be more curious, less reactive.
Let’s be honest: if you hear back from your ex, especially within the first three to six months post-breakup, you’re going to think they want to get back together – especially if you were the one who was dumped.
This reach out text, then, is particularly potent for you. It’s basically the sign you were waiting for, right? If your ex wants to connect with you, then that must mean they miss you! That they made a mistake! Right? Wrong.
Yes, maybe your ex does miss you. Maybe they are having second thoughts. But let’s not put too much stock into a single text message.
At this point, it’s important for your peace of mind, and your heart, to take your ex at face value. Don’t assume they want to get back together until you hear those exact words. Which means don’t read between the lines or give them the benefit of the doubt.
Trust me, by assuming they don’t want to get back together will help you and your heart in the long run.
Depending on how the breakup went down, it’s probably tempting to get a little sassy or even a little mean-spirited when your ex reaches out.
You might be tempted to say something like, “Oh, now you want me” or something that you know will hurt them. Hurt people hurt people, right? But here’s your chance to be the bigger person. Not because you want to show them that you don’t care anymore – apathy is overrated – but because you are the bigger person. You understand that you once shared a meaningful connection with this person and you respect your history together.
You understand that you’ve learned lessons from this person, and so now you have a better idea of who and what you want and don’t want, in a relationship. So show up as that person. Not to entice them. Not to make them jealous. But because you’re better than that, and you know it.
Of course, the sixth thing would be NOT to answer at all. This is a totally valid action.
Consider if this person is even deserving a minute of your time. Consider the consequences, and potentially dysfunctional fallout from responding, and then act accordingly.
Men can seem like complex creatures to women, but they’re actually pretty simple once you understand how they think.
If you’re spending all your free time trying to turn yourself into the type of woman that society has told you that men are attracted to then it’s likely you’re way off the mark.
However, it’s not your fault. Women have been culturally conditioned by society to think that men want only a particular kind of woman who dresses and behaves a certain way.
Most women spend a considerable amount of time making themselves look physically attractive and sexy and trying to show him what a funny, interesting and all around amazing woman they are…
While guys do, of course, like these things, they’re not what’ll actually make him want to be with you and make you his woman long-term.
While you’re working hard to appeal to his sense of desire, make him attracted to you and want to commit to you, he’s likely enjoying your company, but not really feeling like you are really the one.
So what’s wrong with this picture..?
The simple answer is… you’ve been chasing him and putting in all the effort and he doesn’t value it.
While women have been conditioned this way to be appealing to guys, men have also been conditioned. They’ve been conditioned to go after what they want and prove to themselves and others that they are successful by winning their prize, be it through financial success, getting the job they want and, of course, catching the woman they desire.
If He Has Nothing To Work For To Get You, Then He Won’t Value You or The Relationship
Make him work to get you
The fact is that men place the most value on the things they have to put effort into in order to obtain.
If you give a man a university degree on a silver platter, he will not give it as much value as if he had to work and sweat to get it.
If you give a guy the absolute perfect woman, he will not value her the same way if he had to pursue her for a while just to get the chance to take her out on a date.
That’s why it works so well to play hard to get. He’ll enjoy the chase and value you so much more once he manages to catch you.
However, the trick is you also need to make sure that he also feels that he is in with a chance of actually making you his woman or he’ll likely just move on.
So, this is all very well and good, but there’s also a problem with this strategy… it ceases to work once he’s actually caught you.
I’m sorry to say ladies, something happens inside a guys mind once he feels like he’s won you over.
It’s kinda like he thinks, “Mission Accomplished!” Their mind then starts to wander onto the next challenge.
So, what in the hell’s going on with this and what can you do about it? And more importantly, what can you do to prevent it from destroying your relationship?
The Problem Is NOT You – ALL Women Encounter This Problem at Some Point
So, that’s the good news, it’s not your fault. So stop beating yourself up.
When this keeps happening, many women just give up on guys. They stop themselves from getting too close with a guy because they are fearful of scaring him off.
However, for the women who get past this, they approach it differently. They reach out for help.
While there are many relationship coaches out there, many women turn to James Bauer due to his unique understanding of this problem and of guys in general, as he explains here.
Not only is James an experienced relationship coach, but he’s also a man, he’s a guy, which means he knows and understands exactly how men think and why they behave the way they do.
Through his work, he noticed a particular pattern of women coming to see him for help about guys being hot for them one minute and cold the next. Some women were even getting ghosted completely.
For most of these women, everything would be going well with their guy, and then out of the blue…
Something was suddenly different overnight.
The guy would be loving and warm, caring and interested but then for no apparent reason would become distant. It was like he no longer had time to see her. His energy felt closed off, the loving eye contact seemed non-existent and his kisses lacked the passion they once had.
After a lot of investigation work, James discovered a surprising pattern that was causing guys to react this way towards all these women.
After piecing it together, James quickly realised what was behind this mysterious behaviour. He knew precisely why these guys were backing off. He knew exactly what they needed… and exactly what they were not getting.
And the most interesting part is, it was not that there was anything actually wrong with any of these women.
Your man wants to be your superhero. He does not want to feel like you are the hero in the relationship.
Guys have a natural, ingrained fascination with heroes. You only need to stand outside the cinema when a Marvel movie is on and see how many fully grown men go to see the movie.
You may already be aware of this and wonder why guys seem to like superhero movies so much.
It’s because pretty much every guy fantasised about growing up to one day be some kind of superhero. In the process, he’d also get the girl.
Unfortunately, for most guys, they don’t get to satisfy their need to be a hero in their everyday jobs.
Reality just doesn’t require them to rip their shirts off and jump into action and prevent some kind of disaster. They can’t really save the world, but they can still get the girl.
Being able to get the girl they want is a satisfying challenge for an everyday guy, even if he has the beating heart of a hero. It takes heroic charm. Heroic confidence. Heroic withstanding of pain. The only thing he needs to find is…
A woman who wants and needs a superhero.
As cheesy as this sounds, this is just how guys are wired.
So, do you need to have a superhero in your life? I’ll take a guess and say, that’s not you, right?
You don’t need a hero because you’re a strong, self-assured independent woman. You can change a light bulb, you can put up a shelf and even fill up the oil and water in your car. You’re not the kind of woman who needs a man to make her feel complete.
No, instead, you have got a lot you can offer to a guy. You’re kind, caring, supportive, generous and affectionate. What you are looking for is to find a guy who is able to accept all you have to offer.
Unfortunately, that’s why a hero is not appearing in your life. That’s the reason you seem to only attract guys that just want to take from you instead. Men who just take all you have to offer and then leave you.
If you want to attract a superhero, then all you have to do is advertise that you need one.
How To Invite a Superhero into Your Life in 3 Simple Steps
Ask a guy to help you
Guys love to feel wanted, especially by a woman. Ask him for help with buying a new car, a new laptop or a new cell phone.
If you’re having car troubles then get him to have a listen to the strange noise your car is making every time you start her up.
You can even ask a guy to help you with something simple, like passing you something from the top shelf.
Once he’s helped you, give him a warm thank you and a heartfelt smile of gratitude. Don’t worry, this does not make you look needy. Instead, it conveys the message that you’re a woman who has space for a guy in her life.
Spend time with guys and enjoy company
Guys find women attractive who appreciate them for just being themselves, for being men.
Who cares if his home makes him look like an obsessive sports fan? If he spends a lot of time reading up on his favourite sports team just appreciate that he has a hobby. Don’t worry, you don’t need to be a part of it. In fact, it’s healthy for couples to have interests that do not involve their partners.
If his idea of a clean pair of trousers is the ones with the least wrinkles then that’s okay. He’s a guy. You don’t want your man to me like you, you already have the feminine part of the couple covered.
Get him to gain your trust and respect
Guys love to have a challenge. While they do want your love and all the wonderful gifts you can offer him, he doesn’t want you to just hand it to him on a silver platter. He wants to earn it, and in the process, he’ll place a high value on you and your relationship.
So, give him chances to prove that he is worthy of you. You don’t need to keep doing all the work to try to win him over. Instead, relax and allow him the gratification of trying to win your affection and admiration.
The beginning stages of dating come with many emotions and questions. While it is new and exciting to learn about someone, you often feel like you want to know everything about them and you want to know it fast!
However, it is also important to enjoy the process of getting to know someone.
Getting to know someone steadily over time helps to feed the flames of interest and intrigue.
If you find out everything about them too quickly, and similarly, they with you, then you may find the attraction starts to fade before you’ve established a strong connection.
With that said, in order to do get to know your new love interest effectively, there are a number of topics you can ask him to both understand and get to know him better.
7 Questions To Ask a Guy You Like
Ask questions about his family
Ask him questions to understand who is in his family, what the dynamics are, and how he speaks about them.
The way a man speaks about the people who are important in his life is extremely telling for how he will treat you if the relationship progresses.
When it comes to his female relationships, it is vital to pay attention to the way he describes his mother and any sisters or other female relatives and close friends.
It is also important to try to hear how the relationships are between him and those people. It is great if he describes his mother in a loving way, but if she is his pride and joy, she could become jealous of you.
If he describes her in an unloving way, it could be a flag that he does not have a lot of respect for women. There are hundreds of possibilities of social dynamics, so the more you ask and the more you listen, the more you will piece it all together.
Who a person is friends with says a lot about them as a person. If he seems to have a lot of friends, but not many close friends, this can be a sign that he may have some walls up when it comes to getting close or some other struggles with formulating close intimate relationships with people.
Conversely, if he has a few close friends regardless of the number of friends who are not as close, it shows that he is good at formulating and maintaining relationships.
The way he talks about his friends also says a lot about him as a person. Does he speak highly of them? Does he tell you about their positive qualities? Or does he use a combination of descriptors, both positive and negative?
If he puts any of his friends down for any reason that is typically a red flag! It can show signs of insecurity and also that he does not have respect for his friends – which means he definitely won’t have respect for you.
Details about the friends themselves also tell you a lot of information. What do they do when they hang out? Do they watch sports and relax? Do they go out partying every weekend? Are his friends single or in relationships?
If his friends are mostly single and going out often, it is not a great sign for you. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to settle down, but it will be difficult for him to balance friends who are in a different place with a relationship. However, if the majority of his friends are in relationships, it is likely that he is looking for that too.
Does he have a variety of interests and hobbies? Is he constantly working or doing work when he isn’t? How does he like to spend his time? Does he like a lot of alone time, to be with others or a combination? What does he like to do for fun? Go out to eat, party, go to shows, stay in and relax, play sports, shop or perhaps play video games?
Getting an idea of how he likes to spend his spare time will also be very revealing. From this, you will get a sense if he is more introvert or extrovert and what kind of social skills he has.
Ask questions about travel
Asking him questions about where has he travelled is a fun and interesting topic of conversation and will also tell you a lot about his interests and experiences of life.
What have been his best and worst experiences when travelling and why? Asking about the most enriching, life-changing moments from travel will also give you a good insight into what is important to him on a soul level.
Continuing the conversation with questions such as where would he like to go and what the ideal vacation looks like to him will also give you a good idea of your travel compatibility with him.
Does he prefer to sit on the beach, party or relax on vacation? Or, does he like to sightsee, hike, and be adventurous? How do his travel plans or dreams align with yours? How are they different? Does he prefer to stay in 5-star hotels, or does he like to use Airbnb or stay in hostels?
Not only will these questions be very revealing of his character, but they will also help you to understand the compatibility you have with him.
Asking about his travel experiences, plans, and dreams, can give you a lot of information into how well-rounded (or not) he is, how flexible or rigid he may be, and how he spends (or doesn’t spend) his money.
What are some things he has already done? What else is on his list to do? Why are these important to him? What is something he would love to do, but is too afraid to try? What is it about the key moments of the things that he has already done on his list that made the experience so fulfilling?
Again, these kinds of questions help to reveal what is truly important to him at a soul level.
Questions about his goals and aspirations
Asking him about his goals will give you a good indication of his ambition and also his self-esteem.
If he has rather lofty goals, for example, then it can be a great indication of good self-esteem. However, if he has had that goal for years and has still not taken action to make it happen then he may be just a dreamer.
Getting an idea of both his personal and professional goals will tell you how career-orientated (or not) he is. It’s fine if a person has more personal goals than career goals, it just indicates that personal growth and fulfilment is more important to them than their career.
Asking him about where he sees himself in three, five and ten years time is also a great question to find out his ambition and aspirations.
Health and fitness is a growing concern for the majority of people. However, there are also some people that just don’t seem to give a damn.
So, asking him questions about health and fitness is a great way to learn about how important this aspect of life is to him and will help you to further understand your potential compatibility.
Does he like to work out? What does he like to do to de-stress? What kind of self-care does he partake in? Is he open to new experiences or does he like to stick to his routine? Does he have a weekly fitness routine? What would he like to change about the routine he has and of course, what are his health and fitness goals?
There are many questions you can ask a guy to get to know him on a deeper level, to find out what makes him tick and to help give you an idea of your compatibility. And these seven conversation topics are a great place to start.
However, remember when you are having a conversation with someone new, don’t bombard them with a million questions all at once, or he will feel like he is being interrogated. It’s absolutely fine, in fact, it’s better not to ask all these questions and more on the first meeting. Spread it out over time and enjoy the “getting to know you” process.
Besides asking him questions to get to know him, always bear in mind that a good conversation is a two-way street. So share your experiences with him as well, so he can also get a flavour of you.
When two people first start dating there is a great deal of excitement. The conversation feels effortless and it seems as though there isn’t enough time to get through all of the things you want to talk about.
However, as the relationship continues, you learn more about each other, hear all of the stories, and talk about seemingly everything you possibly can.
In order to stay connected and keep a relationship fresh, couples often need some help with facilitating new, interesting and intriguing conversations in order to keep the attraction spark alive.
So, in this article I will share with you my top eight conversation starters for couples. Whether you’re a new couple, an established couple that needs to liven up their relationship or you’re a couple in a troubled marriage, these tips will help you improve the conversations you have with your significant other.
Eight Interesting Conversation Starters for Couples
Use shows as a conversation starter
When couples watch the same (or at least 1-2 of the same) shows, it creates a time, place, and space for the two of you to take part in a relaxing activity together that you both enjoy.
Not only does it pretty much guarantee spending time together, but it is much more enjoyable to bounce your thoughts on the show(s) off of one another and to hear their perspectives.
There’s an added bonus if you watch something comical because laughing together will strengthen your bond and help to draw you closer.
When two people watch a show or a movie together, when they get into the program they, most of the time, naturally shift brainwaves into alpha. If you are watching the show with your significant other then the two of you shift into the alpha brainwave frequency together, which creates coherence, and therefore, a connection between you on a sub-conscious level.
Therefore, shows give you something to connect over and can help to be a great source of conversation starters.
A fun activity for couples with similar book interests is to start a book together and read it to each other or read individually, but at a similar pace to be able to discuss it.
Similar to when couples share an interest in shows, the experience is often amplified when you can share your thoughts, reactions, and questions with someone else. Plus, it can help you two to feel connected so that you don’t feel ignored or aren’t ignoring your significant other by being lost in a great story.
Another interesting phenomenon of reading a book in unison with another person is that, even though the two of you are reading the exact same book, the content will likely conjure up slightly different images, settings and feelings in each person due to each person’s unique interpretation of the book.
There are a lot of reasons why this occurs, but often comes down to the different life experiences, and therefore, the different belief systems that each person has built up over the years.
So, talking about your interpretation of the book with your significant other will not only be very interesting but also highly revealing about how each of you thinks and feels. Gaining this level of understanding of your partner will help to strengthen the bond that the two of you share.
Using current events and the news as a conversation starter
Unfortunately, we live in a world where the news is often negative and depressing. But, there are important events that take place that is worthy of discussing.
You can share stories you hear about, discuss your opinions and ask to hear your significant other’s opinion, and so forth.
The good news is that there IS good news too!
Maybe you two can try to find some channels (literal channels and figurative ones – like social media, apps) to listen to/follow good news stories.
For example, Instagram has pages and YouTube has channels of positive news stories only. You can each pick a story or two a day to share with each other to discuss.
If there is a particularly funny or comical story in the news then this will often be a great conversation starter to use the next time you’re with your partner. This will have even greater impact if the humour is similar to your partner’s sense of humour.
A simple, easy, fairly effortless, free, and positive strategy to help with conversation is to practice sharing and hearing three (or more) things that you each are grateful for each day.
Research shows that expressing gratitude has a number of benefits, which include, but are not limited to, an increased level of endorphins (feel-good hormones), a positive shift in perspective and overall improved one’s health.
When you make a conscious effort to share with your partner, the exercise can benefit you both, especially with the added bonus of connection, shared positivity, and even expression of gratitude for each other.
You can do this wherever you are, in any capacity, and at any time that works for you both. Win-win!
It’s always enriching to learn new things and one of the ways we can learn and grow is by sharing with each other.
When you learn something new, share it with your partner! When they learn something that they’d like to share with you, be open to listening to what they have to say about it.
Remember that even though it may not be something you’re particularly interested in, it’s important to give your partner validation by showing that you care simply because it is important to THEM.
Sharing your daily experiences
This is one that you must be careful with. Too often couples get into the habit of complaining about their day or focusing on what went wrong, what is stressful, and so forth.
However, being negative only brings you and others down and does not help two people connect if it is a constant in your relationship.
Try to keep the stresses of work behind when you leave for the day, and share positives, interesting things, or other relevant pieces of information that could start a conversation. Listen to your partner when they share with you too.
It might be worth having a conversation with each other to establish some ground rules of sharing about each of your days.
Some suggestions include: leaving negativity at the office, or only allowing an allotted period of time for “complaints”.
Complaining and worrying is normal, so it is okay to do it from time to time, but be aware of how long you’re complaining for, put a conscious end time to it, and remember to focus on the positives too.
Plan a trip together or talk about a trip you both would like to go on.
If you have different travel habits and interests, talk to each other about what their ideal trip would be. Where would they go? What’s an ideal period of time to stay in that place? Would they want luxurious or the experience of hostels? What kind of scenery would they want to experience? What food would they want to eat?
Ask them questions to learn about what they would love, even if it’s different from your opinion and be open and receptive to their ideas.
Conversations about food
Try out some new recipes together.
Ask what they may like to try that’s new. Maybe you can set up a plan to have a cooking contest or to surprise each other with a new meal or treat.
You can also research some local restaurants to check out together and share your opinions about the food, decor, and ambience.
It’s important to maintain your individuality in a relationship and while you likely share many interests and activities together, the more you develop yourself and open yourself up to experiences and learning, the more you will have to offer – even if you’re doing it together!
While these conversation tips will help you to maintain or rebuild the connection you share with your partner, they are by no means extensive.
If you want to make a significant impact on your relationship for the better, deepen the connection the two of you share and make him value you as a person and view you as the only one he wants to be with, then I recommend you check out relationship expert, Mirabelle Summer’s Conversation Chemistry course.
Seduction plays a large role in the dynamic that helps two people initially build the attraction between each other.
A woman holds a great deal of power if she is able to communicate effectively. The way she engages herself, both verbally and nonverbally, will directly contribute to how attractive a man finds her. This, in turn, will build the attraction very quickly.
If you’re wanting to know how to step into your female power and seduce him in a way that makes him both feel respect and attraction for you, then this article is for you.
If you’re in a hurry and you just want to learn the secrets to seductive conversation then you can discover them here.
Otherwise, please keep reading.
9 Tips To Seduce a Guy & Make Him Want You
Nonverbal seduction sets the foundation for the energy between the two of you and the energy that you exude. If the nonverbal piece is not mastered, the verbal will just feel embarrassing and silly.
Nonverbal seduction includes, but is not limited to:
Physical and spatial awareness
Your overall presentation and confidence
While I could write quite a lengthy blog post on each of the above separately (and I probably will), know for now that each of these aspects is important ingredients in the overall seduction game.
I will now delve a little more deeply into these aspects fo your seduction toolkit. So, let’s start with your overall presentation and confidence.
Presentation and confidence
In order for you to effectively seduce a guy, you must first be confident in yourself. That being said, in order to first be confident in yourself, you must put conscious effort into your overall presentation.
We’ll start with looks:
How is your fitness?
Do you exercise regularly?
What are your eating habits like?
Do you follow the 80/20 rule of making healthy food choices 80% of the time and allowing for 20% of guilt-free indulgence?
What about your clothing choices?
Do you put effort into piecing together attractive articles of clothing to care for yourself and accentuate your best body parts?
What about your mental health?
Do you speak kindly of yourself in your mind and to others?
Are you humble, with a healthy balance of confidence and humility?
As you can probably tell, getting your life in order according to the above questions will not only bring about a renewed sense of health and well-being, you will also start to radiate a more happy, outgoing and confident aura, which is highly attractive to guys.
The way you present yourself physically speaks volumes about you before you even open your mouth.
If you were able to answer the above questions about your overall presentation and confidence in the affirmative, meaning that you have the above items in check, the next step is to look at your body language.
Do you stand tall and proud (again, without seeming cocky)? Or, are your shoulders and back slouching, indicating that you may have low self-esteem.
What facial expressions do you commonly wear? Are you relaxed, smiling and upbeat? Are you making eye contact when you talk to people?
Think about people who you find attractive and imagine their physical posture and how they carry themselves. They’re likely standing tall, proud, and open (arms at the side, legs separated), a warm, welcoming, cheerful face with a relaxed air about them.
Think about someone who you find unattractive, and they probably appear to be closed off, angry, mopey and depressed and generally unapproachable. Adjust accordingly to be like the person you find attractive and you’re well on your way to presenting yourself in a much more attractive way.
Be sure to practice good hygiene. Use a perfume that is noticeable, but not too over-powering and try to choose a scent that is unique to you.
Be sure to practice daily oral hygiene and when you have something stinky for lunch, pop a piece of gum in your mouth. You never know when you might bump into that cute guy from the office or your secret crush at the gym.
When you’re trying to work your magic on a guy it is important to be playful and relaxed with it.
Being subtly or overtly flirtatious can be a lot of fun, especially when the guy starts playing back with you. Just keep it light-hearted and playful to start with and have fun with it.
Be conscious of your tone of voice as your voice tone will convey a great deal more about your intentions than just the words you use alone.
Think of a few key words or lines that you are comfortable using either in person, on the phone, or via text and email.
Also, allowing a little discomfort to push yourself beyond your comfort zone will improve your seduction skills and increase the sense of thrill you will feel when flirting with him.
This may sound strange but think about some of your best friendships where you have a fun, playful banter between you and a friend.
If you can apply some of this playful energy into your seduction game, it will show that you are confident in yourself, you have a good sense of humour, you’re creative, unique, easy going, and carefree.
The last thing a guy wants is someone who is too serious or stuck up. But, be careful to find a balance here too because you do not want to come off as immature or that you can’t be taken seriously.
The key is to mix it up and switch your energy between being fun and playful to sincere. Doing this will make him more curious about you as it shows depth to your character.
Above all, stay present with him and read the social cues and learn when you can lighten the mood with a playful joke, and when you need to be serious.
Most people would agree that they do not like loud, screechy voices. A lower, calmer, softer, and even husky (but don’t try to fake that if you don’t have it naturally…) voice is what a man will be drawn to.
Give compliments, but not too many!
Everyone loves compliments as it’s a nice ego massage for them and it also shows that other people do also notice their efforts and good points.
Paying a guy a compliment also indirectly demonstrates to him that you’re not self-absorbed and you do take an interest in other people, which is, of course, an attractive quality.
So, paying attention to him and noticing things like when he puts the effort in to do his hair or wears something new is a great thing to compliment him on.
You can also compliment him on his scent, physique, his energy or presence, his posture and even his intelligence (if he has any).
Remember that all attraction starts and ends in the brain. You must have a connection in order for a physical attraction to formulate and remain.
Complimenting his mind, his humour or his creative edge will show him that you care to take the time to look deeper into who he is as a person.
However, always make your compliments honest and sincere. For example, if intelligence is not his strong point then don’t compliment him on it, or he’ll either think you’re being fake or you’re making fun of him. Instead, just choose something that he truly does have going for him such as his physique or his sense of humour and compliment him on that.
When you work on your overall presentation and body language first, you will be able to fine-tune all of the other nonverbal aspects that go into seduction. Once you feel confident in your nonverbal delivery, you can move toward utilizing the verbal skills and actual words!
If you want to have an exact playbook of what to say at every step of the way to seduce a guy with your words then I recommend you check out Conversation Chemistry by relationship expert, Mirabelle Summers.
We all go through it from time to time, our partner acts a little distant, is more short than usual and maybe even totally off-hand.
While there can be numerous reasons why he’s acting this way, it is also totally natural to think straight away that it has something to do with us or that you’ve done something wrong.
While his behaviour could, indeed be to do with you, it also may not be the case.
So, if you’re feeling a little unsure, wondering if your relationship still has hope or not, continue to read below to try to understand if the relationship is over or if there’s a chance that maybe the guy in your life just needs some space.
4 Ways To Tell If It’s Over or If He Just Needs Space
He has told you
If your guy has clearly told you that he needs space, then you have your answer. A big difference between men and women is that men are much more literal than women are, especially when it comes to their emotions.
When a woman says she wants space, she usually doesn’t mean that and actually means that she wants the guy to chase her. But, when a man says he needs space, he means it and he’s serious about it.
If your guy has told you he needs space, it is extremely important for you to respect and honor that request. If there is hope of the relationship being fixed, the most important thing you can do is show that you are taking his request seriously. If you do not, you may push him away even further.
Have you noticed that your guy is not calling or texting as much? Has he started to slow down with his responses to you too? What about making plans? Has he started to become busier in recent history and less available?
While all of these possibilities could be circumstantial, they could also be signs that he is pulling away and trying to gain some space from the relationship. It does not necessarily mean that it has to do with you – he could have some of his own things going on that he is trying to manage, or he may be getting afraid of having strong feelings, or he may be pulling away because the relationship is ending.
There are a number of reasons that could cause this behavior. What’s important is to note the change in a non-aggressive way and tell him you notice some distance and are wondering if he is okay. Ask him if it has to do with you or not. If it does, try to give him some space and if you feel it is worth waiting for, be patient.
Regardless of his reasons, remember that if you give him a hard time, you can push him away whether it has to do with you or not. What he needs are some support and understanding.
With that said, it is not at all recommended for you to wait around for someone who potentially does not see your value and worth. While it is fair to be understanding of his needs and respectful of his space, you must also protect yourself and set your own boundaries and expectations.
Do not allow someone else to treat you like an option if that is the case.
If he usually includes you or at least consults with you before making plans and now that has changed, there is a good chance he is pulling away.
The key piece here is if there is a change. He is an independent person who is allowed to make his own decisions and plans without you, but if he has historically included and considered you and now he is not, it is likely a sign that he is purposely trying to do things without you for whatever his reasons may be.
However, it could also be that he is making plans with friends to maintain his individuality, which is fair and healthy.
This may be a sign that he has a lot on his mind, he is experiencing conflicting feelings, he is becoming frustrated with you, and/or he is purposely (consciously or not) picking fights with you to create some space.
If this starts happening in your relationship it is likely that he is looking for, and creating space. Aside from attempting to talk about what’s happening, it is important to try to recognize that he needs space and to give it to him.
You will be able to have more productive conversations when you are both calm and have had time for yourself.
Your individual situation has many factors that only you and your guy know the details of.
The signs above are examples of ways that he may be pulling away from you in an effort to gain distance and space.
This does not necessarily mean that the relationship is over, but it does mean that he either has something separate from you that he needs to work through, or that there is something he is seeking space from within your relationship.
Open communication is the most important first step you can take. Ask him what is going on, how he feels, how you can help him if his reason is something separate from you, or what you can do to improve the situation if it involves you.
If he expresses that it does have to do with you, hear him out and try to understand his reasons. If you feel that you want it to work, it is extremely important to honor that space he is requesting, with your own guidelines included in that as well.
If he has made it clear that he needs space, and you decide to give him that space, but after some time (at least 3 weeks) there doesn’t seem to be much progress toward you working things out, do not do yourself the disservice of waiting around for him.
You need to take time to heal, learn from this experience, and work on moving on. You should never wait around for anyone or be at someone’s disposal for an extended period of time.
Know your self-worth, work on yourself, surround yourself with people who love and value you, and move on.
It’s pretty fair to say that men love sex. The average male not only enjoys sex, but they also love all of the elements associated with sex – everything from conversations with their friends to social media and marketing, to porn, fantasies, and, of course, the hot topic of dirty talk.
When it comes to dirty talk, some women are uncomfortable with even talking about dirty talk, let alone acting the part with her man.
No matter where you stand, whether you are the queen of dirty talk yourself or if this is something you feel like you could never take part in, it is both interesting and insightful to understand the psychology behind why men enjoy dirty talk so much and what it can mean for you and your relationship.
Why Guys Like Dirty Talk & How It Gives You Sexual Power
Dirty talk and his brain
Scientifically, there are many reasons why men enjoy dirty talk and hearing all those naughty little words from you.
For starters, the evolution of his brain has been wired so that he is primitively oriented with the goal of reproduction in mind. This is why men have the reputation of constantly thinking about or acting in sex or sexually related activities.
Our brains are actually the most powerful sexual organ, even more, powerful than our sexual reproductive organs themselves.
Think about a time when you were not in the right mental space for sex. Maybe you were upset about something, stressed, feeling emotionally unavailable, you name it. When your mind is not in a sexual state, your body will not be either.
The mind plays arguably the largest role in sexual pleasure and the evolution of the male brain shows us time and again that the primitive creature inside is sex driven.
When dirty talk is involved, it will turn him on and ignite the spark in his brain to dramatically enhance the experience. The mind is a powerful element that we often forget about when it comes to our sexual interactions.f
Speaking of the brain… the male brain constantly plays out fantasies. He may have fantasies that he has seen from porn, ones that he has thought of since he was younger, or ones he may have developed as a result of thinking of all the things he wants to do to you.
An important aspect of a healthy sexual relationship is to communicate about your fantasies to each other. If you are both comfortable with them, it’s great to actually play out, or pretend to play out, these fantasies for an exciting sexual experience.
Whether you have talked about them or not, the “dirty talk” that a man may exhibit during sex OR the “dirty talk” that he asks you for all plays into his fantasies, large or small.
Talking dirty shows your confidence and enthusiasm
There are few qualities that are sexier than a woman with confidence. When you’re using language that constitutes as “dirty talk” it shows that you’re confident in yourself and your sexuality to go along for the ride, and this is sure to turn him on even more.
Your enthusiasm makes his endorphins go wild. Endorphins are hormones that are released to make us feel good, emotionally. When you are in sync with each other and you allow yourself to “let your hair down” with engaging in dirty talk, it will arouse him and release those endorphins (really for you both), which makes you both feel good!
On the contrary, if you are quiet you could seem bored, insecure, distracted, etc. While a happy medium should be established (you don’t want to talk TOO much), it is important that you are not completely quiet.
Being quiet can cause your man to feel worried that he isn’t able to perform to please you. It can also make him wonder where your mind really is. These thoughts will leave him feeling insecure and it could result in a negative sexual experience.
Being able to talk dirty to him, even just a little, will greatly increase how attractive he finds you and will make him less likely to be interested in other women as he will be more sexually satisfied when he is intimate with you. If you are concerned about keeping your man faithful then you can read my article here to stop him straying.
Talking dirty shows your naughty side
In addition to confidence, partaking in dirty talk shows that while you maintain the image of a “good girl” in all of your other interactions, you have it in you to be a “bad girl” in the bedroom.
Most men can attest to the idea that they want a “lady in the street, but a freak in the sheets” so if you get comfortable with the dirty talk, this makes you even more attractive because of your confidence and your versatility.
Think about this scenario. You are going out for a girl’s night. For the first time in weeks you pick out an outfit that you feel confident in, you wash and style your hair, you put on that new lipstick you ordered two months ago, and you get yourself together for a night of fun. When you see your girlfriends they immediately notice the efforts and respond to you with, “Wow you look good!” and “Damn girl, you look hot!”, or “Sexy mama!” How do you feel? AWESOME, of course!
Women tend to be on the receiving end of compliments way more often than men are. When you dress up to go out with your man, you wait for a compliment to come and the likelihood of that happening is pretty high.
However, men are not on the receiving end of compliments as often. We (as women) know better than anyone how good it feels to be appreciated for who we are and also how we look, especially when we put effort into it!
A similar concept comes into play when we talk about dirty talk for men. The dirty talk that you engage in in the bedroom is the male equivalent of the many compliments you receive about how you look.
Overall, dirty talk for men helps to make them feel good, feel confident, and be reassured that they are performing well and pleasing you.
Being able to talk dirty to your man will make him feel more attracted to you. Dirty talk is deeply satisfying for men and being able to confidently whisper all those naughty words and phrases in his ear will help to keep him sexually satisfied and less interested in other women.
While it can be uncomfortable for some, in the beginning, it helps to understand what it means for men and why it is important so that you can work on becoming more comfortable, letting loose, and enjoying the dirty talk yourself!
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