Why Men Look At Other Women – The Surprising Truth You Need To Know

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a man looking at another woman while walkingImagine this scenario: You’re with your boyfriend, husband or significant other having a romantic date and a beautiful woman walks by. You can’t help but notice that your man instantly turns to look at her, leaving you feeling inferior and uncomfortable.

Maybe you get mad at him for it, maybe it leads to an argument, or maybe you just keep it to yourself and feel bad wondering if you are good enough, if he is bored in your relationship, if he wants to sleep with her, if she has something you don’t, and so on.

Now, this feeling of “less than” is amplified when we constantly compare ourselves in this social world seeing beautiful women all around us through the social media lens.

While this feeling is normal, let me explain some things below that will hopefully make you feel a bit better when you find yourself in this situation.

See also: The real reasons why men cheat

What Does It Mean When His Eyes Wander?

It’s evolution, baby

I know this is not exactly the answer you want to hear, but he really can’t help it (most of the time).

When we look back in history and go back to the days of our prehistoric ancestors, we can understand that men and women evolved differently in many ways.

One of the largest differences between men and women from an evolutionary perspective is that the primary role of a woman was to nurture and care for children in order to prolong the lives of offspring to ultimately maintain and sustain the population.

Instead of caring for the children, the role of the man was to provide resources (food, shelter, and protection) and to spread his seed to create as many children as possible to add to the population.

This is the primary reason why it is so much more hurtful for a woman when her man “emotionally cheats” because he is providing resources for someone else, therefore taking away from her and her children (from an evolutionary sense).

Men on the other hand, traditionally have more of a problem with women “physically cheating” because then he won’t be sure if the child he is providing for is, in fact, his and his hard work and resources could be going to someone else’s child. So, men are hardwired to look at other women for the purpose of reproducing, but…

It doesn’t mean what you think it does

It doesn’t necessarily mean that he is bored with you. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. It doesn’t mean that he wants another woman more than he wants you. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s going to fantasize about her. It doesn’t mean that he is trying to disrespect you or make you feel uncomfortable.

It doesn’t mean that you’re less than or that you’re lacking something that she has. It doesn’t mean that he is going to cheat on you.

If he has a wandering eye then what it could mean is that he finds her attractive. It could mean that, because of the way his brain is structured, that hormones are released to make the experience “feel good” for him.

It could also mean that the honeymoon phase of your relationship is either over or is nearing the end. It could also mean that he is potentially curious about what it would be like to be with her. However, all of these possibilities are still not factors to be concerned about and they do not have to be detrimental to your relationship as long as you have a healthy, communicative, trusting relationship.

It is likely that the honeymoon phase of your relationship is over or is nearing the end.

Related article: How to keep your man faithful

The honeymoon phase

The honeymoon phase of a relationship usually lasts between 6 months and a maximum of 3 years. This is when each partner experiences a “high” on love as they have continual hormones released, such as serotonin and dopamine.

During this time, each partner usually fails to notice the annoying habits of their significant other, they feel that they can’t get enough of each other, and they usually feel like they do not notice anybody else in the room in most circumstances.

When this period fades, the “high on love” feelings fizzle out, the annoying habits become noticeable and well… annoying, and each person starts to notice other people more than they did in the beginning.

For men, they look much more at women because of how they are hardwired (as mentioned above), and for women, we notice our men looking more than we ever have before.

Now that you understand why he looks, what should you do about it?

a man and woman lying on the grass holding each other

What you can do when he looks at another woman

First, try to view the situation differently now that you have some insight.

Understand that as long as you have a happy, healthy relationship in every aspect, that he is not doing this to upset you and he isn’t even doing it intentionally.

Hopefully, this newfound understanding alone will help to alleviate your distress about it. But, if he is gawking or otherwise outwardly disrespecting you, you must address this behavior so that it ends.

See also: Getting him to fall in love and commit to you

If it continues to make you uncomfortable because you feel that he is looking excessively, it is important to communicate how you feel about it. Just be sure that you do not communicate it in an attacking, accusatory way.

It would even probably be best for both of you if you can try to laugh it off, while also addressing it with something along the lines of,

“I know you’re a man so you truly can’t help it (laugh about it), but can you please try to be more mindful of looking around at other women in front of me?”

As long as he loves and respects you, he will put effort into granting this request. Just remember that you’re going to have to continue to remind him in the future because truly, he can’t help it.

How To Keep a Man Faithful & Stop Him Straying

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couple talking intimatelyThe beginning of a healthy relationship is always exciting. It’s the time when both people are on their best behavior, when each person is taking care of themselves to look their best, and when the honeymoon phase is at the most heightened part of the relationship.

However, as time goes on and comfort levels increase, the true colors start to shine, we let our less appealing sides show, and the relationship overall becomes “less exciting.”

While there are many positives of this transition, one of the concerns is how to keep your main faithful as your relationship becomes more comfortable.

How To Keep Him From Straying

Continue to fulfil his emotional needs

The most important thing you can do to keep him faithful is to continue to fulfil his emotional needs by being supportive, caring, a good listener, etc.

Think of him as your best friend. How do you treat your best friend when you’re with her? Treat him that way too.

When you pay attention to your man’s emotional needs he will feel supported and taken care of, which will make him want to stay with you and not cheat with someone else.

Related article: The truth behind why men cheat

Keep things interesting

a man and woman laughing about their marriage togetherAfter the honeymoon phase ends and you become more comfortable with each other as you sync your normal life routines it is important to spice up your relationship from time to time.

Make a conscious effort to try new experiences together. Anything from extravagant vacations travelling the world, to “staycations”, to learning new things together can help to enhance your relationship.

You can keep it simple too by learning new recipes together (even simple free online searches will do the trick). Try a dance class, maybe join a workout class together, etc. Even watching shows or reading the same book gives you the common ground of things to talk about.

Surprising him can help to break up your routine; buy some new sexy lingerie, send him sexy text messages, leave little notes hidden for him, try something new and fun in the bedroom, and surprise him with his favorite dinner.

When you keep things interesting, you keep him excited and loving you, which will make him want to stay with you.

See also: How to become irresistible to him

Take care of yourself

When you become comfortable with someone it is easy to stop caring as much about grooming and possibly even taking care of your body in other ways (like working out and eating healthy).

Make sure that you are maintaining good hygiene, which includes showering regularly, washing your hair, and shaving your legs. Put effort into looking nice (do your hair, put a little makeup on, care about what you’re wearing).

Continue to put effort into your overall health and physical well-being by working out regularly, nourishing your body, and being mindful of participating in activities that are healthy for both your mind and body.

When you take care of yourself, you show that you have self-respect, and a huge part of keeping your man from straying is to maintain his level of respect for you. If you have self-respect, he will continue to respect you as well.

Related article: 7 things you can do to keep him interested in a long-term relationship

Respect him

Respect his needs, his thoughts, his feelings, his ideas, his job, his input, his help, his time, his space, his hobbies, his family, his friends, his style and his choices in life.

In many traditional heterosexual relationships, women tend to “take care” of men. While it is completely fine to want to help him and make him comfortable, be sure that you do not try to control him and disregard his own thoughts and ways of doing things.

His family and friends will also no doubt, be very important to him, so be sure to not speak ill of these people, even if he does at times.

Show respect for everything he is and everything he does and support him while helping him grow. Compliment him when he’s looking good and when he does something well.

Let him know you appreciate everything he does for you. A simple “thank you” and “I understand” goes a long way in a long-term relationship. If he feels respected, cared for, and appreciated, he will be less likely to stray because he won’t need to look for it elsewhere.

a couple in a committed relationship

Laugh together

Laughter is one of the strongest ways that we can connect to another person in any relationship. Laughter helps to ease any tension between you and your man by finding the fun and the funny in all situations!

Do things together that elicit humour, like going to a comedy show or watching funny movies. Laughing together helps to keep relationships fun and light-hearted, which also helps in times when things are more serious.

Laughter increases our endorphins which are our “feel good” hormones, so when we associate laughter with someone else, we increase our “feel good” emotions that we have toward that person.

When you laugh together in your relationship, you will strengthen your relationship and ultimately, you will keep him from straying.

Eye Contact During Sex – Why He Closes His Eyes

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a couple trying to make eye contact during sexThere are many times when men close their eyes during sex and there are a number of reasons why he may be doing this.

Sometimes it means he’s trying to get into the flow of his rhythm with you and he doesn’t want to lose control. However, other times it can mean that he’s “somewhere else” mentally and even “with someone else” in his mind.

Of course, your guy may not be doing this at all. There are several other reasons why he may be closing his eyes, which I go into more detail about in this article. However, if you are concerned that he may not really be present with you during sex then you need to give him a strong reason to bring his attention back to you.

According to sex therapist, Felicity Keith one of the most effective ways to turn your man on and create an incredible sexual connection with him is to use the words that ignite the passion and excitement in his brain. Felicity explains exactly how to do it here.

Why Isn’t He Looking At Me?

It has to do with his senses

The first reason that men close their eyes during sex has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their senses. Our five senses (sight, smell, taste, hearing, and touch) work collaboratively to contribute to our experiences.

Think about this: have you ever turned the music down while you’re driving to be able to “better see” where you are going in an unfamiliar space? Or, have you ever closed your eyes when you’re listening to something that you are trying hard to hear? If you have, you understand the psychology behind closing off one of our senses in order to enhance another.

Have you closed your eyes while kissing someone? You likely have. The reason for closing your eyes is not because you are thinking of something else, because you are trying to disconnect from the situation, or for any other reason other than to enhance the sensation of the kiss and the emotions that come along with it.

When your man is closing his eyes during sex, there is a very good chance that this is the reason he is doing it: to enhance the physical and emotional experience of it.

Think about when you are getting a massage or experiencing another physically pleasant sensation, or even when you are having sex. Sometimes when you close your eyes, it removes any other outside distractions or focal points and allows you to fully enjoy the experience.

See also: Why men like dirty talk

a man and a woman talking intimately and kissing on a bad

He is actually enjoying it too much

Most guys put conscious effort into holding back from climaxing during sex so sometimes they close their eyes to concentrate on holding back in order to prolong the experience and to continue your pleasure.

While he is likely fully engaged and enjoying it, he is also conscious of your pleasure in the act and wants you to be able to fully enjoy it for as long as you can too.

Now, add in that men do not want to be “that guy” who is a one-minute man! It bruises his ego, makes him self-conscious, and makes him feel like he is not able to meet your needs.

So if this is the reason, take this as a positive that he is not selfish, that he wants you to enjoy the experience as well, and that he is putting off his own pleasure for the both of you.

Closing his eyes may help to remove the sexy image of you for a few minutes while he adjusts his mindset to last longer or he may have a “go-to” image that is NOT sexy in order to help bring him back before climaxing too early.

See also: The good girl’s guide to talking dirty

a woman kissing a man's chest and not making eye contact while having sex

He is thinking of someone else

Okay so this is not the response you wanted, but it could be a reality. However, first understand that if he is thinking of someone else, this is a normal occurrence that, let’s be honest, you probably experience too.

If he is thinking of someone else, it is likely that he is thinking of someone who you do not need to worry about – like a celebrity, or possibly a porn star.

As long as it is someone who is “out of reach” that he is not actually able to be in a sexual situation with, there is nothing to worry about. He could also be playing a fantasy in his mind during this time. Unless his eyes are perpetually closed, this is also nothing to worry about.

He could also be thinking of… YOU! He may be playing out his fantasies in his mind, with you as part of them. Or, there is a very good chance that he has taken a snapshot of you in a sexy position in his mind that he is holding onto as he closes his eyes.

See also: Dirty talk text messages to get him thinking about you

If he closes his eyes 90% of the time, it would be worth inquiring about it in a non-accusatory way. Chances are, you have nothing to worry about.

The only time you should worry is if he has been having close relationships with females who you are unsure of – like a new coworker. If this person is someone within reach who he COULD be in an in-person situation with, it is possible that he is thinking of her while he is having sex with you.

While this is an obviously unpleasant thought, this is the less likely possibility and even if it is happening, it does not mean that he will follow through with this fantasy.

Take notice of how often he is closing his eyes. Try to have confidence and reassure yourself that it is likely nothing to worry about. Remind yourself of all the possibilities listed above and that the reasoning for him closing his eyes is likely due to a positive reason related to you as opposed to a negative reason that involves someone else.

If it is persistent and it is bothering you, simply ask him what is going through his mind at that time to help to understand him more deeply and to strengthen your relationship.

How To Be Irresistible To Men – A Woman’s Guide

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an attractive couple laughing and hugging each otherAs women, we tend to overthink every detail and wonder if we’re doing the right thing, saying the right words, wearing the right outfits, presenting ourselves in the right way, and so forth.

To help avoid some unnecessary exhaustion, this article will help to simplify the traits and characteristics that make a woman much more attractive to men. Understanding what these traits are will help you to enhance these qualities in yourself.

However, understanding what men truly want from a woman beyond her physical appearance is the key to making yourself insatiably attractive to him. According to relationship expert, James Bauer, there is a secret obsession that all me have, and it is the woman who are able to trigger this reaction in him that appear far more attractive in his eyes than any other woman. James explains the secret and how to trigger it here.

A Woman’s Guide to Attract the Kind of Man You Want

Confidence is key

But not cockiness. How you present yourself speaks a thousand words before you even say a single one. Your physical presentation and your body language is the foundation for every other detail that the male brain is calculating about you. Check your posture. Stand straight, tall, and proud! Be conscious of your eye contact.

Lift your head high (but don’t break your neck) and make eye contact when you’re speaking to someone. When you speak, speak with conviction. You are a smart, courageous, interesting, funny woman so let that shine through your presentation of yourself. You have so many things going for you – a great job, hobbies, a social life, etc!

Anything that isn’t exactly how you’d like it to be is a work in progress and you have the confidence to know that that’s okay! Be aware of your body language, your eye contact, the language you’re using, and the conviction to the words you speak.

research on being irresistible

Kindness is just as important

Everybody likes people who are nice. Now, not to complicate things here, but there is such a thing as being TOO nice and being viewed as a “pushover”. Be kind, but also (once again) be confident to know your boundaries and your expectations. When you think kindness, think respect. Use positive and helpful language toward yourself, toward others, and in all of your engagements.

Remember the “Golden Rule” to treat others the way you want to be treated and allow that message to shine through all of your interactions and handlings, including the way you treat yourself and allow others to treat you.

See also: The text messages that make him want you

Respect yourself and others

Similarly to be kind, be respectful. Self-respect entails so many variables – be kind to yourself through positive self-talk, treat yourself by taking care of your body and the way you look, respect your body’s needs through physical activity and eating well, allow yourself to try new experiences to grow as a person, take pride in the way you look and maintain your appearance. Respect others.

Speak positively and constructively of others and with others. Be helpful in all that you do. Remember that the way you act when no one is looking says way more about you and your character than you could ever describe.

See also: What you need to do to get him to fall in love

Put effort into how you look

There is no need to go above and beyond or to obsess over the way you look, but when you put effort into your appearance it is a direct reflection of your self-confidence and self-respect, which in turn, will make you irresistible. Take time to work out. This does not mean that you need to be a fitness model, but you do need to treat your body well.

It is the only one you will ever have. Work out regularly, eat healthy foods, give your body the nutrition it needs, and take care of your mental health as well by resting, trying some meditation or yoga, and doing the things that make you happy!

two attractive women talking to two men

Work on your own happiness

There is no better way to attract the right kind of people into your life than to work on your own inner wellness and happiness. Men aside for a second, you want to be surrounded by like-minded, positive people who will enhance your life and contribute to your growth and wellness. You also want to contribute to others, by the way!

Look within yourself to identify how you really feel about yourself and your life. What changes do you need to make to improve your happiness? Start with gratitude by identifying what you already have. Then, figure out concrete ways to work toward making your life even better. This is YOUR life and only you truly have the power to make it the best it can be.

Your true inner happiness will attract other happy people and other happy things.

See also: Become more attractive to men with these simple steps

Have fun and laugh!

Truly one of the most attractive qualities in any person is their ability to be at ease, laugh, take a joke, and make light of any situation. Of course, there are people who take humor to the extreme and act inappropriately with making jokes too often or in bad taste. But, overall, most people would say that they are drawn to people with a good sense of humor (usually coupled with maturity).

When you can show this side of yourself, people feel more relaxed around you, therefore they are drawn to the sense of comfort that you exert through your laid-back attitude!

Most importantly, always be yourself and when you are being yourself, be sure to be the best version of the person you are. Always look for ways you can improve (without criticism), be aware of how you present yourself, and let your colors shine!

How To Tell If You’re Really In Love With a Guy

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two people in love looking into each others eyesFalling in love is a beautiful experience. Throughout life, we go through multiple heartaches, disappointments, and confusing circumstances when it comes to romance, but falling in love makes all of those questionable, unpleasant experiences feel worth it.

Love can be easily confused with lust. Lust is when you are excited about the prospect of a person and you feel like you can’t stand to be away from them.

Love, on the other hand, has elements of that feeling, yet there are more specific feelings we have when we are in love.

The Telltale Signs You’re In Love With Him

Love is easy

Lust often has complications tied to it – you live far away, or it’s extremely passionate, but complicated because other people are somehow involved, or it’s secretive but fiery.

Love is not those things. Love is easy.

You do not have to wonder about how the other person feels for you and your feelings toward them are not complicated. It feels effortless. Over the course of time, “I” progresses into “we” and it feels non-threatening. It feels like this is the way it’s supposed to be.

They’re always on your mind

They are the first person you think of in the morning and the last you think of at night. You think of them all day throughout your day. You wonder what they’re doing, how their day is going. You consider them when navigating your own social endeavours. You consider their feelings even when they’re not around.

If they are always on your mind, it could just be lust, but if it lasts over a longer period of time, it looks like it probably loves.

See also: 7 ways to make him fall in love with you

You always want them to be part of what you’re doing

They enhance everything you do and make every experience funnier, brighter, and sweeter. You don’t care what you’re doing as long as they are part of it. You want to include them in on most of the things you do, yet you never feel pressured to include them. It’s a true desire for them to be there.

Sometimes you even feel like an experience is missing a small element due to their absence. However, if you always want to be part of each other’s plans and don’t allow for space or understanding of separate time, it could just be lust.

Related article: The 12 signs he loves you too

You have a healthy balance

Despite the fact that you always want to be with them and that you always want them to be included in on everything you do, you both have a happy balance of maintaining your lives, especially your social lives.

You still value the importance of quality time with friends, without your significant other and you do not sacrifice your friendships in lieu of wanting to selfishly be with your boo.

You find a happy balance of these situations. When you find a happy balance of quality time, then it’s probably love.

See also: The weird thing that makes him adore you

two lovers laying on the floor looking at each other

You want them to be happy and comfortable

If you are suddenly finding yourself considering their feelings with almost everything you do, going out of your way to make them feel comfortable (getting up early to make their coffee, going to the store on your lunch break to get the ingredients for their favorite meal, picking them up from the airport when it isn’t convenient for you etc.) you are in love.

It’s a true sign of love when you do things for another person for the sole purpose of knowing that it will make them happy.

It may not be convenient, or you may have to compromise something of yours, but you do it anyway because their happiness is important to you. When someone else’s happiness is just as important to you as your own, you’re in love.

See also: The things that make a guy fall in love with you

You are open to new experiences

Remember when you said you would never be a runner? Or you would never shoot a gun? What about when you thought you’d never eat steak?

Now that your new boo loves all of these things you’re finding that you’re more open to them too. You’re willing to expand your horizons beyond your comfort zone to try new things just because your partner is into them.

Pretty soon you start to synchronize everything. You start using the same catchphrases, sharing the same lingo, ordering the same food, becoming interested in the same shows and hobbies, and even dressing alike.

Studies of people in love find that over the course of time you become so synchronized that you actually start to resemble each other physically. So next time you and your boo match for a date unintentionally it might be a sign that you’re in love.

See also: The psychology behind how and why guys fall in love

You know you can trust him

Trust is an extremely vulnerable feeling because many of us have experienced situations where our trust had been compromised.

When you are in love with the right person you still may experience thoughts of doubt that creep in from time to time, but overall your gut tells you that you truly can trust him.

You just know in your soul that he would never do anything to jeopardize your relationship. This is a feeling that you truly can only experience when you are actually in love because when you are truly in love you are safe.

You feel better when you’re around him

Whether you had a stressful day at work or you have the flu, he somehow makes it all better. He helps you to relax, takes care of you, and loves you – boogery tissues and all.

Overall, if your relationship has a healthy balance, you feel that you can both completely be yourselves, and you both enhance and improve each other’s lives while feeling crazy about each other, but not actually acting crazy, you’re likely in love.

Enjoy this time and focus on gratitude to help these happy feelings stay with you for a lifetime!

What To Text a Guy to Make Him Want You

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a woman sending a text message in bedWhen it comes to texting, we ask ourselves a million questions – What should I say? Am I being interesting enough? Am I texting too much? How long should I wait to respond? Does he know I’m joking? Should I double text? Is it too early to message him? Should I text first..?

Below is a list of the best suggestions on how to text – including what to avoid.

How To Text a Guy To Get Him To Want You

Be interesting

Talk about your plans, your friends, your family, positives of work, the hobbies you have, events you’re looking forward to, and your interests. Share positive parts of your day and ask him about the positives of his.

Tell him about a fitness class you’re taking and ask what type of workouts he is into. Let him know you’re excited about an event in your city that you’re going to attend.

Cheat! Get The ‘Exact’ Text Messages To Send To Get Him To Want You Here

Ask him open-ended questions

Do not ask questions that only allow for a “yes” or “no” response. The best way to do this is to share something about yourself within the conversation and then follow up on that same topic with an open-ended question.

For example, you can say something like, “I’m meeting up with a friend to get coffee on Sunday. What is your favorite go-to meeting spot to catch up with friends?” Or when talking about work you can ask would you rather type of questions like, “Would you rather sit in an 8-hour meeting without lunch or have to work on a Saturday for two hours?” (Assuming he and you work a normal 9-5). These types of questions are engaging, make you interesting, and help you to learn more about him.

See also: The secrets to talking dirty to him over text

Focus only on positives

A common and detrimental mistake they many people make is they don’t have anything to say so they resort to complaining. Do not get into this habit. Focus only on positive, funny, and lighthearted messages to share and do not allow yourself to become a sounding board for someone else to complain to.

If he starts complaining or focusing on negatives, redirect the conversation to something different or offers a shift in perspective by finding the positives in his situation. If you notice that he continues to complain, you may want to consider if these conversations should even continue.

a guy reading a flirtatious text message on his cell phone

See also: Keeping his interest with text messages

Do not respond right away

Often times women think it comes off as “rude” when they don’t answer right away. This is simply not true. You are an independent, well-established woman who is BUSY with work, family, friends, errands, hobbies, and interests. The truth is that if you’re able to respond to every text or call immediately, you’re probably too attached to your phone and not engaged enough in the real world and relationships around you.

While it is not good to wait 3 days to respond, it also isn’t good to respond within seconds. Stick to the 80/20 rule. 80% of your time should be occupied and therefore you should be delayed in your responses (anything from a few minutes to later on in the day is acceptable).

Try to find a combination of responding within minutes, then within hours, and throw in some quick instant responses in between. 20% of your time is when you offer the instant responses.

Think of it this way: 80% of your time is spent: at work, the gym, food shopping, running errands, showering, cleaning, spending time with friends and family. 20% of your time is spent relaxing, watching your favorite shows, and sleeping. During this 20% of your time, it is okay to respond quickly. During the 80% respond within a comfortable time frame (a few minutes/a few hours). The idea is that you’re busy and you aren’t revolving your life around your phone – which is attractive! The opposite is unattractive.

See also: How to use your texts to flirt with him

Let him initiate

Most of the time. See how interested he is and if he can carry and maintain a conversation. Only share as much as you get. Do not overdo it or you are likely going to scare him away. Let him guide the flow of the conversation and be sure to provide responses that elicit continuation.

a woman laying on her back on a bed sending a text message

Do not text too much or repeatedly

Any typical person sees a novel of a text and becomes overwhelmed at the chore of reading and responding. Save the long thoughts and stories for your time in person! Similarly, do not double text or send multiple texts in a row. This makes you look too available and can also make you look annoying. If he doesn’t respond, cut your losses and move on, but not at the cost of your dignity.

See also: What not to do when your ex boyfriend texts you

Do not overdo the use of lol, lmao, Hahaha, or emojis

Use them appropriately and how they’re intended. Do not end every sentence with “lol” and unless you are actually laughing your ass off, don’t say it. Overuse of these texting tools makes you seem fake and uninteresting because you have nothing else to contribute in response to playful banter.

The beauty of texting is that you have time to think of a witty response! Utilize your time and utilize the gifs option for iPhones. Sending gifs is way more entertaining (and shows that you thought it through to create a clever response) than lol, lmao, hahaha, or a bunch of emojis ever will be.

Be yourself!

Keep the guidelines above in mind for your daily interactions, but do not allow them to add more stress to the situation. Texting with someone new should be engaging, exciting, and most importantly: fun! When you connect with the right person, all of those feelings will come naturally.

The most important thing you can do is to just be yourself and the right person will love you for who you are.

How To Act When He Pulls Away and Comes Back

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a man pulling away from his girlfriend and then comes backIt is not uncommon to have a relationship seemingly come to a halt after things have been going so great. Of course, this can leave you feeling helpless that your man has started to pull away.

The good news is that it doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is over.

In fact, this behavior is more common than you might think, and it is due to a number of possible reasons.

Most commonly, men just get scared of commitment.

Traditionally as a society, we train our men so that they steer away from deeper emotions. However, in reality, he feels his emotions to the same degree that women feel theirs; men are just less expressive about them.

Therefore, when a relationship becomes serious there is the potential for him to become afraid of the emotions he is now facing. It then becomes natural for him to try to gain back some control – by pulling away.

When He Pulls Away – How To Handle Him

So, what should you do about it?

The last thing you want to do is leave him to his own devices to make up his mind about you. Leave him too long and you may find that he has been snagged by another woman.

On the other hand, you don’t want to come across like you’re nagging him, or worse yet, like you’re desperate and needy for his attention.

When a man feels the need to pull away, it’s usually because there’s one or more hidden need that he has deep down inside, and he is not sure if you will be able to fulfil them.

So he pulls away to reflect on you and the relationship, and all the interactions that he’s had with you so far.

While each guy is different from the next, there is one need above all else that all men deeply crave. It’s something he craves, and is obsessed with more than money, true love or passionate sex, however, most women do not even know it exists.

Society has trained us to always ask what the woman wants in a relationship. What are her needs.

However, men have deep yearnings too, which often go overlooked, manly because most men just don’t talk about their feelings.

But they’re still there just below the surface…

Guy psychology shows that this little-known yearning is the key to unlocking his heart, his love, and his undivided attention and devotion.

In this article I will share with you the important do’s and don’ts of what to do when a guy is playing the push/pull game with you. These tips will help you navigate these choppy waters.

However, if you want to get to the heart of the matter then there’s just one switch you need to flip.

And when you do, he’ll start treating you with respect, showering you with his attention, and wanting to be with you, and only you.

Renowned relationship expert James Bauer explains this one secret yearning that all men have, and how to flip the switch in his heart here.

DON’T Take The Situation Personally

You first have to understand that you should not take this situation personally especially if your relationship has been positive, healthy, and happy. It is normal for men to experience fear and hesitation leading to their self-created distance.

The best thing you can do for yourself and for your relationship is to remind yourself that this is a reflection of him and processing his emotions and that it is not a reflection of you, despite the fact that it feels that way.

See also: Top 6 reasons why he pulls away before he commits

DO Be Supportive

f he is pulling away due to work commitments, or other issues that are going on in his life, then do be supportive. However, you also need to let him know that you cannot wait around for him forever.

The best thing you can do is to play it cool while also expressing your perspective, AND your expectations.

Let him know you care about him and that you want to be with him, and that you support and respect his time and space. If space is what he is asking for, give it to him. But, also express your expectations and boundaries.

If you choose to wait around for him, know that you may end up wasting a lot of time. It is better to tell him you will give him space for a period of time (determine what you’re comfortable with – a week? A month? A year?), but also communicate your own needs and expectations and make it clear that you will not wait around or allow him to come back only when it is convenient for him.

Unfortunately, you cannot control the outcome of this situation, but you can control your response to it and your response (cool and supportive, but clear and decisive) will help in leading you toward the outcome you desire.

DO Maximize Your Time

Once you’ve established how to manage the situation, it is time to focus on yourself and maximizing the time you have.

Although the assumption is that you are experiencing feelings of sadness, worry, doubt, and maybe even anger, this is an opportunity for you to focus on yourself, manage your time in a way that’s convenient for you only, and to reflect to see if this is actually what you want.

DON’T Sit Around and Wait For Him

Spend your time with people and things that make you happy. Haven’t seen a friend in a while? Call her up and make plans! Been wanting to try a cooking class or photography lessons? Now is the time. Thinking about a new fitness routine? Try it out.

The more you spend your time on people and things who add value to your life, the better off you will be, and in turn, the more appealing you become.

When you are surrounded by positive people, you naturally view life and events more positively, which helps to manage the emotions of your situation, while also helping you feel better. When you spend time doing things that make you feel good, you will exude that energy in all that you do.

a couple hugging

See also: How to pull away from a guy if you still love him

DON’T Suppress Your Emotions

Be sure to allow yourself to feel and release any negative emotions. While it is healthy and productive to spend time with positive people and to spend time engaging in enriching experiences, it is also equally important to allow yourself to process the various emotions you are experiencing.

There is strong evidence that yoga and meditation are powerful tools to help improve your state of mind and well-being during emotionally trying times.

Try something that works for you so that you don’t end up making yourself so busy that you disregard the self-care that is necessary. Set aside some time each day to process your emotions.

DON’T Reach Out To Him Often

Make him miss you. A comfortable guideline is to only respond to him when he says something of importance to you. This is crucial because if you continue to treat him the same way you were before he decided he wants space then there will be no reason for him to work toward establishing the same level of a relationship with you again.

If he can have you and his space, why would he change that?

You must distance yourself and make him miss having you there. Do not accept invitations to do things with him that you would have done previously. Do not send him goodnight or “miss you” texts. Make him feel the absence from your life.

What and When To Text Him

So, with that said, when should you text him, and what should you say?

One of the biggest rules here is not to come across desperate, needy, or like you’re just sitting around waiting for him. You also don’t want to come across like you’re mad at him either.

Keep your texts short and sweet, and indirectly convey the message that you’re busy doing fun things and you don’t have too much time to talk right now. However, you must not say this directly. It needs to be indirectly conveyed in your message, just like relationship expert James Bauer explains here.

James actually teaches women exactly how to trigger a psychological response in a guy to respond and call you with a simple text.

If you want to discover the one little text message that is guaranteed to get your man’s absolute attention then all you need to do is make this one small tweak. Once you do this you will quickly notice just how regularly he starts messaging you to find out how you are.

DO Let Him Know You’re Reacting Positively

Indirectly, of course. You want him to know you’re not sitting on your couch crying over him.

Post pictures to social media of you having fun with our friends (but be cautious not to overdo this). Hopefully, he is also connected with your friends on social media so they can also post and tag you in fun and exciting pics too.

If he does not have access to you like he once did, combine with seeing that you’re out and about, it will drive him crazy and make him miss you in his life.

When He Comes Back

First and foremost you must ask yourself if this is what you want and if you’re okay with resuming this relationship. If the answer to that is yes, it is important to communicate that while you support his decision for space, this is a one-time deal. He must be sure this time around that this is what he wants and you must be sure that this is what you want.

If the answer for both of you is yes then it is important for you to accept him back openly.

Remember that you agreed to this situation, therefore it would not be fair for you to hold it over his head moving forward. Be clear, communicate maturely and effectively, and move forward positively.

Final Thoughts

Navigating the waters when a guy is pulling away from you and then coming back can be tricky. While a lot of guys just need time before they fully commit, this behaviour usually comes from an uncertainty he has. He is not sure if you will be able to quench the thirst he has in his heart for his deepest craving and desire.

However, once you fulfil this hidden need, he will never want to let you go.

Relationship expert James Bauer explains exactly how you can fulfil this need and win his love, devotion, and his undivided attention in this short video here.

How To Text a Guy First Without Sounding Desperate

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a woman thinking of what to say in a text messageIf you’ve recently met a guy that you like and you want to get into a texting convo with him, but you don’t want to come across as needy or desperate, then this article is for you.

Texting is a great way to connect with someone you have the hots for and to find out a bit about them. The early stages of getting to know someone are always so much fun!

Receiving those early texts from them when you’re waiting by your phone with anticipation of the ‘ding’ or cute little melody your phone plays when you receive a message can make your heart skip a beat.

However, if he’s not texted you yet and you’re thinking of making the first move, those first few text messages you send him are actually a very important piece of how he will view you going forward in any kind of relationship that the two of you may have, or not.

That being said, if you are head over heels for a guy you’ve just met, and you want to start a texting convo with him, here are some top tips to help you get things started the right way.

Tips for Texting Your New Crush

Before I proceed with the tips, it is important to understand that sending a message to your crush first does not necessarily depict desperation. However, ‘how’ you do it is critically important in determining if he will perceive you as confident or desperate.

Do not text him too soon after your last encounter with him

If you have had an opportunity of meeting your crush for the first time, the first texting mistake you want to avoid is sending him a text too soon. I understand that the urge to follow-up after your first encounter may be high, but there’s no need to text, for example, the first night wishing him a good night.

So, it is advisable to wait at least 24 hours before sending your him that first message if he has not messaged you yet.

See also: What you need to know to talk dirty to a guy over text

a woman shocked about a text message

Wait for him to respond

After you break the ice by sending that first text to your crush, it is important that you give him time to respond before you send him another text.

I know it can be really tempting to send a second message when no response has been received, but waiting for a reply from gives him time to digest and absorb your message and will also make you come across as confident in yourself that you don’t need a response from him right away.

Double texting can be a big turn off. This is because the unspoken message of double texting is, “hey, I like you a lot but I’m really insecure and need reassurance from you right now that you like me too.” This is definitely not an attractive message to convey to any guy.

However, that being said, if after a week or two you still haven’t heard from him, it’s okay to send a follow-up message to see if everything is okay with him.

See also: Getting your ex back with text messages

Do not confront him for not responding

Confronting your crush for not responding to your messages is a no-no, and is just as bad as sending back to back messages. In other words, pestering your crush with double texting and asking him whether he saw your message, and why he did not respond makes you seem like the only thing you have to do is sit on the sofa waiting for him to read and respond to your messages.

If you’re doing this then STOP IT NOW, as it definitely comes across as needy.

See also: 5 things you should not do when your ex texts you

two guys reading a funny text message

See also: Ways to text him to get him to want you

Do not sext

Sexting your crush before you know how he feels about you is also not a good idea. So, before you send a sext, it is important that you first test the waters to find out if your crush is at all interested in going in that direction with you.

So, do not send your crush nude pics so that you can please him or make him desire you because that will make him perceive you as a desperate woman who is willing to do anything for his approval and affection. In this case, one of two things will happen;

  1. He’ll lose all respect for you and just use you for one thing then dump you when he’s finished
  2. He’ll lose all respect for you and not be interested in pursuing things with you

Related article: Best ways to flirt with him over text

Do not overthink

a woman reading a text message on her cell phoneWhen you send a text to your crush and he fails to respond, the best thing you can do is to just forget about it without worrying about why he didn’t text you back yet.

Overanalyzing can make you paranoid and could lead you to overeacting and pestering him about the double text. This kind of behavior is certainly unacceptable and it will definitely make you come across as needy or clingy.

The best you can do is to just wait for him to respond when he feels the urge to do so, and if he doesn’t, take it that he is not ready to engage with you for whatever reason and move on.

See also: 20 top flirty good night texts to send him

Final Thoughts

First impressions really count, and how you behave in the process of sending that first text to your crush will certainly determine if he will be attracted to you, or if he will pull away.

That being said, I hope that this article will help you make good decisions when texting your crush for the first time.

Fun Ways To Keep A Guy Interested Through Texts

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a woman trying to keep a guy interested through textThe dating world can already be a complicated place and now we have the added element of texting and social media to (sometimes) make dating seem more difficult.

If you are dating and finding yourself unsure of how to communicate via text, I’m about to help you out in this article.

If you’re in a hurry then you can watch this video by renowned relationship expert Amy North, and get the exact text messages that will build a connection and make him want you.

Be open to the concept of blackout times

One of the biggest mistakes that people make when they start texting someone new is they instantly become a texting slave, being at the other person’s beck-and-call. This is not only exhausting for you, but it is unattractive.

While I do not support playing games, I do support having a savvy strategy. Blackout times in the texting world means that you go through periods of times where you DO NOT text at all. You do not initiate and you do not respond (or depending on the situation, you may respond, but you take a while too).

The most common blackout times are: during the majority of the workday, on Friday nights (unless you scheduled a date with the person you’re texting), arguably all day on Saturday (day and night; again unless you scheduled a date), and Sunday up until about 6 or 7 pm.

Heres the theory: during the work day, you have responsibilities and even if you can be on your phone all day, it will make you more attractive if it seems like you are so busy and needed at work. You don’t have time to be glued to your phone – which is a good thing! It makes you seem busy and interesting.

On the weekends, you have plans with friends. Unless you have plans for a date in which case texting may take place to confirm or coordinate logistics, you are NOT on your phone. You are present with whoever you are spending time with… and if realistically you are home on your couch, there is nothing wrong with that.

What is key is pretending like you aren’t sitting around thinking about that person. Keep yourself busy and interesting (or pretending to be) so he will wonder what you’re up to!

Text Chemistry attraction text message image

Find a healthy balance

Find a healthy balance of waiting to respond versus responding immediately. With the idea that you are busy (either at work because you’re important or in your social life because you’re loved), chances are that you are not going to respond within seconds.

A healthy balance to keep in mind is 80/20. 80% of the time, wait a bit to answer and have your waiting periods vary from a couple of minutes to a couple of hours. 20% of the time you can respond immediately or pretty quickly.

Keep in mind that when you do wait, try to switch it up and try not to exceed a long period of time often. Think of it this way: respond in two minutes (20% of your time), respond in 15 minutes (80% of your time), respond in 2 minutes (20%), respond in 45 minutes (80%), respond in an hour (80%), respond in 20 minutes (80%), respond in 2 minutes (20%).

Make your patterns unpredictable, but don’t overthink it. The truth (hopefully) is that this comes easily because you are hopefully actually busy at work and in your social life! And, if that isn’t true for you, maybe it’s time to reevaluate how you’re spending your time.

See also: How to text your ex-boyfriend to get him back

Show your fun side

Showing your quirky, funny, easy-going side to him through your texts can be a lot of fun. When you are engaging in conversation, take a deep breath and relax! Try to sneak in a joke, utilize funny gifs or memes, and be light-hearted! Think about the funny/entertaining/interesting people who you enjoy talking to and be that person, but also… be yourself!

See also: What to do in your ex-boyfriend starts texting you? Find out here

DO NOT complain

Another HUGE mistake that many people make in texting conversations is they don’t know what to say, so they spend time complaining – about work, traffic, the weather, etc. DO NOT. I repeat, DO NOT do this.

It takes practice to resist the temptation to complain, but this is never going to end well for you, just as you should not be listening to someone else complain about mundane things.

If you don’t have anything interesting, thoughtful, or funny to say, do not say it at all. Complaining will make any guy run, guaranteed.

Related article: What you need to know to make him want you with texts

Remember, his friends might see your text

When texting your guy, bear in mind that he might not be alone when you send it and depending on what you send him he may show his friends.

This is even more reason to make sure you send him the right texts so not only does he think you’re hot, but his friends do too.

Why do you want his friends to also think you’re hot and not a dork?

Because if they think you’re a cool, sexy chic they’ll be saying things to him like, “ah man, you’re so lucky! Go for it, bro!”

If he gets this kind of signals from his buddies then he’ll be 10x more likely to start chasing you to make sure he gets you and not someone else.

However, if you send the wrong text or one that’s just a bit lame then if he shows his friends and they tease him that he’s texting a dork then you’ll probably be out’a there and you’ll likely not hear from him again.

BIG TEXTING HACK: To get the exact text messages to send him so he not only perceives you as a cool chic and someone he wants to get to know, but the messages that will spark a strong sense of attraction and desire in him, watch this short video here.

Never ask him to entertain you

Similarly to complaining and in light of the fact that you are a busy girl, you do not need a man to entertain you and you especially do not need him to entertain you through texts. Let him entertain you by bringing you on a date.

Never ever, no matter how bored you might actually be, ask him to entertain you. It’s unattractive and juvenile. You’re better than that.

Related article: How to text dirty to your man in 8 simple steps

Do not double text

Another rookie mistake. If you send him the same text twice, he should run. If you send a text that he doesn’t respond to and then follow up trying to continue the conversation, this also is a no-go. Conversations sometimes die off or sometimes there isn’t anything to respond to.

Wait for him to continue or move on from it. Do not send more than one text at a time in the beginning. Once you’re in a relationship that changes, but at first do not double text.

Provide responses that elicit a response

In order to help avoid having to double text, provide messages that elicit a response. Keep them open-ended or ask questions. Try to provide more meaningful responses other than “k” or “that’s cool” or “nice”. Ask questions about the topic or offer experiences you’ve had that you can relate with.

Related article: Text flirting with a guy – what you need to know

Ask questions

Ask hi fun questions with your texts, but not too many. Ask questions to show interest. Ask him about his family, his friends, work, travel, hobbies. Find out about this person you’re engaging with and be genuine! But, do not overdo it. Asking too many questions can seem overwhelming and can make him feel like you’re his mother.

If he is not reciprocating with questions consider letting this one go because he clearly is not interested in getting to know the person you are.

Stick to these strategies, show your true colors, and remember to have fun and you will continue to keep guys interested through texts!

How To Get Your Boyfriend’s Trust Back If You Broke It

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a couple who trust each other smilingTrust is at the core of every relationship and it either exists in a healthy, solidified way or it does not exist due to wrongdoings and past experiences.

Trust is a main point of contention for many people in relationships because when we allow ourselves to trust somebody, we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and give someone the opportunity to hurt us.

When our trust is broken, it is very difficult to restore. Many people carry trust issues from past relationships into current ones because they have a protective emotional wall up in an effort to defend themselves from being hurt again.

If you have made a choice that has compromised someone’s trust in you, it may be possible to redeem yourself depending on the circumstances. But understand that the process will likely be long and will require a significant amount of energy and effort in order to put things right so you can both move on from it.

Related article: The 4 steps to getting him back

Getting Your Ex Boyfriend To Trust You Again – What You Can Do

If you are trying to redeem your mistake and get your ex boyfriend to trust you again, you must first be willing to admit your mistake and that you were wrong.

Try to dig deep to understand why you did what you did and ask yourself the following questions:

  • Did you consider him?
  • Did you think about your actions before you made your choice?
  • Did you have intentions of hurting him?
  • Was your choice selfishly motivated?
  • Did you just do something impulsive without thinking it through?

The hope and assumption here is that you made an impulsive choice without considering how it may impact someone else. Think about what drove your choice and understand the motive behind the behavior.

Listen to and validate his concerns

When you break someone’s trust they are going to have various thoughts and emotions about it. Understand that he may repeat his concerns to you, or new ones may arise. He may seem distant toward you at times because of the thoughts in his mind.

Ask him to share his concerns and be genuine in your responses. Listen to his thoughts and validate that he is feeling this way because of your mistake.

Allow him to vent

Allow him the space to vent, but do not allow him to be condescending, belittle you, or beat you up emotionally (or physically for that matter) about it. Understand that he has a right to feel harmed and he will likely have many emotions and thoughts surrounding the situation.

Allow him to share his thoughts and be sure to listen to him and validate them.

See also: What to do when you need to give him space

Be willing to change your behavior

a woman who broke her man's trustWhatever it is that you did, make sure that you do not repeat the same mistake. You may have made an impulsive choice that will likely not repeat itself due to circumstances. However, there is a chance that whatever it is that you did may happen again if you do not make some changes.

For example, if you were exchanging messages with a guy behind your boyfriend’s back that were inappropriate and compromised his trust in you, then you may have to: delete the number, remove the person from social media, be mindful of not being secretive with your phone, and possibly even allow your boyfriend to search your phone periodically to prove that you are not hiding anything (this last suggestion is tentative and I’d suggest proceeding with caution… but, some people are open to this).

See also: The truth about my men lie

Understand that this will take time

Trust is extremely difficult to restore once it is broken, compromised, or lost. Trust is arguably not even fixable, however, you can improve the situation. Be patient with the process and know that you are going to have to put great effort and time into riding out the process if you want your boyfriend to trust you again.

See also: Getting your boyfriend back if he ignores you

Try to help him move on

The goal is for you two to try to move on from this, so while you are actively following all of the steps above, try to manage your relationship so that it can move along normally.

Continue to talk about things other than the incident that leads you here, have fun together, make plans with each other, spend time with groups of friends, and try to keep things fun and light-hearted when you can.

If you can solidify other aspects of your relationship and make it feel good overall, it will help with mending the trust issues that currently exist.

See also: Getting him back if you broke it off – what you can do

Focus on yourself

Try to understand what caused you to make this decision and what purpose it may have selfishly been serving for you to disregard your boyfriend and his feelings during this time. Were you looking for attention? Were you trying to fill a void? Were you acting impulsively? What was going on for you during this time?

What can you do if you find yourself in a similar situation moving forward and how will you make a better choice the next time?

If you can continue to follow the guidelines above and commit to consistently implementing the strategies over a period of time, you will increase your chances of your boyfriend trusting you again. However, keep in mind that the trust may never go back to where it was depending on the severity of the situation and also your effort in trying to remedy the issue.

Be patient, be consistent, be understanding, and put in the effort it requires. If this relationship does not work out because of this, take what you have learned and apply it to a new relationship in the future.

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