When two people fall in love, it is a beautiful experience, but relationships can be complex. From learning about values to identifying the tiny little details (cute or annoying), it takes work to establish if the two of you are going to remain to be compatible. Adding on long distance as a factor can be an additional challenge to a relationship. However, long distance also comes with benefits including: having the time to maintain your independence, looking forward to the time you’re going to be spending together, and taking advantage of the moments when you can talk to and see each other. As the old adage goes, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” so a long-term relationship has the potential to keep our hearts yearning for more, in a good way!
However, there are obvious difficulties that come along with any relationship, especially long-distance ones. Below are some strategies you can keep in mind to help foster a healthy relationship and to keep your man coming back for more.
Show him how interesting and exciting you are with all of the things you’re doing! Share the main events of your day, share your interests, when you learn something new, details of hobbies you’re involved in, things about your social life (just be mindful that you do not over share about details of your friends’ lives – you wouldn’t want them to do that to you!). Let him know that you have so many wonderful things going on that make you the well-rounded person you are! A girl who sits at home waiting for his call is unappealing. He will feel like you have nothing going on and therefore nothing to contribute to the relationship. Think about all of the people who you admire or who you find most interesting and be that person! Each person in a relationship has to be a complete, enhanced version of themselves. Be sure to continue growing and learning as an individual and share that!
While you are human and will naturally experience good and bad times, it is important to try your best to focus on the positives of your day and what’s going on. Of course it is perfectly fine and healthy to vent to your boyfriend or lean on him to support you emotionally, but be sure that you are not using him as a dumping ground for your problems. Do you like when people only focus on the negatives to you? Probably not. Your time and communication is vital, so be sure not to abuse it. Focus on the positives of your day, find the silver lining in situations, and vent only when you really need to. It has been scientifically proven that people are drawn to things that make them happy and with that, to things and people who are positive. Be the positive ray of sunshine that he is continually drawn to, while also maintaining a realistic, grounded attitude.
Related article: Maintaining the passion in a long distance relationship
Listen to his experiences
Show interest in the things he cares about and shares with you. It is important for him to know you care and want to hear about the things happening in his life, especially when you aren’t there to experience them with him. This is vital because if you give off the impression that you are uninterested, he will start sharing his thoughts, feelings, and experiences with somebody else. If he is sharing with you, it’s because he wants you to be part of the experience, especially if you can’t be there. Show you care by listening and asking questions about what he’s telling you. Similarly, do not allow him to use you as a dumping ground for his problems, but when he does confide in you or turn to you for support, make sure you lend a listening and validating ear. He will appreciate you being there for him, just as you appreciate him being there for you.
See also: Top 7 ways to keep him interested
Gratitude is an essential and often overlooked element of a healthy, happy relationship. Let him know you are grateful for him in your life. Show appreciation for the things he does and say thank you! Be sure to create a space for him to do the same. A great activity is to share three things you are each grateful for. Maybe at the end of the day while you talk before sleep, ask him to share three things about his day that he is grateful for and you do the same. While it is nice to share things you are grateful for about each other (and I encourage you to do so) it is also just as important to encourage each other to identify your gratitude for other aspects of life and to talk about it. It helps to get into a positive, grateful mentality, and it also gives you both insight into each other even more.
Watch the video below for tips on how to mkae him miss you when in a long distance relationship.
Send him pictures and little texts
They don’t have to be anything major, just a little message that says, “I’m thinking of you” goes a long way. Text him and ask how his day is going, tell him you’re thinking of him, you wish he was there, or say something specific to your relationship. If you have nothing to say, you can snap a picture of what you’re doing or where you are to share with him. You can also send him a funny meme or gif that you know will make him smile. When you can sprinkle little droplets of joy it will help you both feel more connected, which will help your relationship.
Discover his Love Language
A simple Google search of “The 5 Love Languages” will explain this concept further. Basically, we each have a primary “love language”, which is how we communicate love and how we feel we receive love. They are: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts. It is important to understand what your love language is and what your partner’s love language is so that you can be sure to give them love the way they know how to receive it. Check out the free quiz online to understand this better.
If you can follow these simple steps, focus on understanding each other, listening to each other, and being more positive than negative, you will be able to foster a happy, healthy, long-term long distance relationship.
Suzanne is a certified counselor with 6 years of experience working with individuals of diverse backgrounds and age groups. In addition to working full time as a School Counselor servicing students ages K-12, Suzanne began a side business in 2014 geared toward providing relationship and individual counseling services for adult clientele. She has worked with an extensive range of individuals helping them gain insight, foster changes, and continue to grow. She has acquired a wealth of information about relationships through her professional and personal endeavors and finds great value in sharing what she has learned.