Imagine this scenario: You’re with your boyfriend, husband or significant other having a romantic date and a beautiful woman walks by. You can’t help but notice that your man instantly turns to look at her, leaving you feeling inferior and uncomfortable.
Maybe you get mad at him for it, maybe it leads to an argument, or maybe you just keep it to yourself and feel bad wondering if you are good enough, if he is bored in your relationship, if he wants to sleep with her, if she has something you don’t, and so on.
Now, this feeling of “less than” is amplified when we constantly compare ourselves in this social world seeing beautiful women all around us through the social media lens.
While this feeling is normal, let me explain some things below that will hopefully make you feel a bit better when you find yourself in this situation.
See also: The real reasons why men cheat
What Does It Mean When His Eyes Wander?
It’s evolution, baby
I know this is not exactly the answer you want to hear, but he really can’t help it (most of the time).
When we look back in history and go back to the days of our prehistoric ancestors, we can understand that men and women evolved differently in many ways.
One of the largest differences between men and women from an evolutionary perspective is that the primary role of a woman was to nurture and care for children in order to prolong the lives of offspring to ultimately maintain and sustain the population.
Instead of caring for the children, the role of the man was to provide resources (food, shelter, and protection) and to spread his seed to create as many children as possible to add to the population.
This is the primary reason why it is so much more hurtful for a woman when her man “emotionally cheats” because he is providing resources for someone else, therefore taking away from her and her children (from an evolutionary sense).
Men on the other hand, traditionally have more of a problem with women “physically cheating” because then he won’t be sure if the child he is providing for is, in fact, his and his hard work and resources could be going to someone else’s child. So, men are hardwired to look at other women for the purpose of reproducing, but…
It doesn’t mean what you think it does
It doesn’t necessarily mean that he is bored with you. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. It doesn’t mean that he wants another woman more than he wants you. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s going to fantasize about her. It doesn’t mean that he is trying to disrespect you or make you feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t mean that you’re less than or that you’re lacking something that she has. It doesn’t mean that he is going to cheat on you.
If he has a wandering eye then what it could mean is that he finds her attractive. It could mean that, because of the way his brain is structured, that hormones are released to make the experience “feel good” for him.
It could also mean that the honeymoon phase of your relationship is either over or is nearing the end. It could also mean that he is potentially curious about what it would be like to be with her. However, all of these possibilities are still not factors to be concerned about and they do not have to be detrimental to your relationship as long as you have a healthy, communicative, trusting relationship.
It is likely that the honeymoon phase of your relationship is over or is nearing the end.
Related article: How to keep your man faithful
The honeymoon phase
The honeymoon phase of a relationship usually lasts between 6 months and a maximum of 3 years. This is when each partner experiences a “high” on love as they have continual hormones released, such as serotonin and dopamine.
During this time, each partner usually fails to notice the annoying habits of their significant other, they feel that they can’t get enough of each other, and they usually feel like they do not notice anybody else in the room in most circumstances.
When this period fades, the “high on love” feelings fizzle out, the annoying habits become noticeable and well… annoying, and each person starts to notice other people more than they did in the beginning.
For men, they look much more at women because of how they are hardwired (as mentioned above), and for women, we notice our men looking more than we ever have before.
Now that you understand why he looks, what should you do about it?
What you can do when he looks at another woman
First, try to view the situation differently now that you have some insight.
Understand that as long as you have a happy, healthy relationship in every aspect, that he is not doing this to upset you and he isn’t even doing it intentionally.
Hopefully, this newfound understanding alone will help to alleviate your distress about it. But, if he is gawking or otherwise outwardly disrespecting you, you must address this behavior so that it ends.
If it continues to make you uncomfortable because you feel that he is looking excessively, it is important to communicate how you feel about it. Just be sure that you do not communicate it in an attacking, accusatory way.
It would even probably be best for both of you if you can try to laugh it off, while also addressing it with something along the lines of,
“I know you’re a man so you truly can’t help it (laugh about it), but can you please try to be more mindful of looking around at other women in front of me?”
As long as he loves and respects you, he will put effort into granting this request. Just remember that you’re going to have to continue to remind him in the future because truly, he can’t help it.
Suzanne is a certified counselor with 6 years of experience working with individuals of diverse backgrounds and age groups. In addition to working full time as a School Counselor servicing students ages K-12, Suzanne began a side business in 2014 geared toward providing relationship and individual counseling services for adult clientele. She has worked with an extensive range of individuals helping them gain insight, foster changes, and continue to grow. She has acquired a wealth of information about relationships through her professional and personal endeavors and finds great value in sharing what she has learned.