When it comes to texting, we ask ourselves a million questions – What should I say? Am I being interesting enough? Am I texting too much? How long should I wait to respond? Does he know I’m joking? Should I double text? Is it too early to message him? Should I text first? Below is a list of the best suggestions on how to text – including what to avoid.
How To Text a Guy To Get Him To Want You
Talk about your plans, your friends, your family, positives of work, the hobbies you have, events you’re looking forward to, and your interests. Share positive parts of your day and ask him about the positives of his.
Tell him about a fitness class you’re taking and ask what type of workouts he is into. Let him know you’re excited about an event in your city that you’re going to attend.
Ask him open-ended questions
Do not ask questions that only allow for a “yes” or “no” response. The best way to do this is to share something about yourself within the conversation and then follow up on that same topic with an open-ended question.
For example, you can say something like, “I’m meeting up with a friend to get coffee on Sunday. What is your favorite go-to meeting spot to catch up with friends?” Or when talking about work you can ask would you rather type of questions like, “Would you rather sit in an 8-hour meeting without lunch or have to work on a Saturday for two hours?” (Assuming he and you work a normal 9-5). These types of questions are engaging, make you interesting, and help you to learn more about him.
Focus only on positives
A common and detrimental mistake they many people make is they don’t have anything to say so they resort to complaining. Do not get into this habit. Focus only on positive, funny, and lighthearted messages to share and do not allow yourself to become a sounding board for someone else to complain to.
If he starts complaining or focusing on negatives, redirect the conversation to something different or offers a shift in perspective by finding the positives in his situation. If you notice that he continues to complain, you may want to consider if these conversations should even continue.
See also: Keeping his interest with text messages
Do not respond right away
Often times women think it comes off as “rude” when they don’t answer right away. This is simply not true. You are an independent, well-established woman who is BUSY with work, family, friends, errands, hobbies, and interests. The truth is that if you’re able to respond to every text or call immediately, you’re probably too attached to your phone and not engaged enough in the real world and relationships around you.
While it is not good to wait 3 days to respond, it also isn’t good to respond within seconds. Stick to the 80/20 rule. 80% of your time should be occupied and therefore you should be delayed in your responses (anything from a few minutes to later on in the day is acceptable).
Try to find a combination of responding within minutes, then within hours, and throw in some quick instant responses in between. 20% of your time is when you offer the instant responses.
Think of it this way: 80% of your time is spent: at work, the gym, food shopping, running errands, showering, cleaning, spending time with friends and family. 20% of your time is spent relaxing, watching your favorite shows, and sleeping. During this 20% of your time, it is okay to respond quickly. During the 80% respond within a comfortable time frame (a few minutes/a few hours). The idea is that you’re busy and you aren’t revolving your life around your phone – which is attractive! The opposite is unattractive.
See also: How to use your texts to flirt with him
Let him initiate
Most of the time. See how interested he is and if he can carry and maintain a conversation. Only share as much as you get. Do not overdo it or you are likely going to scare him away. Let him guide the flow of the conversation and be sure to provide responses that elicit continuation.
Do not text too much or repeatedly
Any typical person sees a novel of a text and becomes overwhelmed at the chore of reading and responding. Save the long thoughts and stories for your time in person! Similarly, do not double text or send multiple texts in a row. This makes you look too available and can also make you look annoying. If he doesn’t respond, cut your losses and move on, but not at the cost of your dignity.
Do not overdo the use of lol, lmao, Hahaha, or emojis
Use them appropriately and how they’re intended. Do not end every sentence with “lol” and unless you are actually laughing your ass off, don’t say it. Overuse of these texting tools makes you seem fake and uninteresting because you have nothing else to contribute in response to playful banter.
The beauty of texting is that you have time to think of a witty response! Utilize your time and utilize the gifs option for iPhones. Sending gifs is way more entertaining (and shows that you thought it through to create a clever response) than lol, lmao, hahaha, or a bunch of emojis ever will be.
Keep the guidelines above in mind for your daily interactions, but do not allow them to add more stress to the situation. Texting with someone new should be engaging, exciting, and most importantly: fun! When you connect with the right person, all of those feelings will come naturally. The most important thing you can do is to just be yourself and the right person will love you for who you are.
Suzanne is a certified counselor with 6 years of experience working with individuals of diverse backgrounds and age groups. In addition to working full time as a School Counselor servicing students ages K-12, Suzanne began a side business in 2014 geared toward providing relationship and individual counseling services for adult clientele. She has worked with an extensive range of individuals helping them gain insight, foster changes, and continue to grow. She has acquired a wealth of information about relationships through her professional and personal endeavors and finds great value in sharing what she has learned.